Rate My Poem 1-10! What Do You Think?

A

Andrew

New member
King of the Jungle

The lion hunts his prey by night,
all of the jungle is filled with fright,
the mighty beast lets out a roar,
everyone knows he's hungry for more,
he lunges and leaps at his innocent prey,
his mighty jaws take hold of them,
and they have nothing to say,
he lets out a roar and a big rumble,
to remind everyone that he's king of the jungle.

please be honest. thanks
 
This is really good, but it does need some work.
Maybe a bit more description of the jungle perhaps?
Cut out some words you don't need?
But don't take my word for it. Go to www.donotread.webs.com where you can get detailed feedback from me and the other members. It might even get published. You have potential, so do everything you can to make this work.
 
instead of the 6th line, to continue the same scheme of the poem, do something like
"never letting one to stray"
or something. yeah i suck, but its good other than that tiny part ;D
8!
 
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