Ramadan: Thoughts on my poem please...?

Saj 12

New member
Please suggest any improvements to be made and a suitable title...
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The pain runs through the heart,
It doesn’t stay - but leaves a mark.

I feel the sadness and the fears,
I feel the sting of burning tears,

I feel the worry within me increase,
Neither my heart nor mind is at peace.

Boundless thoughts run through my mind,
Serenity is all I ask to find.

My soul cries out to let it live,
To liberate this confined captive.

The hurt, the cries, the distress, the pain,
It won’t be long before I add insane.

Mixed emotions run in and out,
My restless soul begins to shout,

So perplexed and hurt is the feeling I comprise,
I feel the resentment within me suddenly rise,

Who is there to disown, love or to hate?
There’s only one judge: that would be fate.

Is there anyone there to heal or to cure me?
No. This well masked pain they will never see.

Is there anyone there to be of my aid?
No, it seems everyone is too afraid.

Will any saviour come forward and rescue me?
To collapse these shackles and set my soul free

The tears don’t stop from their consistent surge,
I’m still waiting on the ray of hope to emerge.

There’s no-one left to tell of my troubles,
Every soul must deal with its own struggles.

Though they say there’s always hope,
But what happens when you can no longer cope?

There’s only so much more that I can take,
Before I give in and let my delicate heart break

~Saj 12

Salaam's.
 
"There’s no-one left to tell of my troubles,
Every soul must deal with its own struggles.

Though they say there’s always hope,
But what happens when you can no longer cope?"

Mashallah very good poem, keep up the good work.
 
Great poem! and the person who edited it for you did a great job too lol :p

Maybe a title like "My Fettered Soul" or "The Fleeing Captive" or "A Struggling Heart"
 
I skim read it, it was quiet good. Quiet a lot of emotions in that poem. very personal. Therefore I would suggest a name which is personal, something that NOT EVERYBODY would understand, a title which is emotive, powerful, personal and a title which not everyone can understand.

So my title suggestion is:

Aseeratul Qalb (which I hope means (female) Captive of the heart)
 
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