Salaam.
Honestly, I'm not seeking help from you all as I'm very conscious of what's going with me and my life but I do want to know what you think, your thoughts on my situation. I'm sixteen and about to graduate high school in a few months through an online high school I've been doing for the past two years. Then I'm on to college, and from there on I'm not sure. What happened was I was back in Michigan and everything was great. I was going to public school, one that was like 90% Muslim, had nice friends, and couldn't have cared less about what the world thought. But all of a sudden my mother says we're moving to Egypt. Okay, so we're american and converts at thought. My mom converted my family to Islam back when I was seven; she wasn't married to my father and he's not in my life. So I have to drop my life and everything to up and go to this country I know nothing about and I'm pissed about the move to no extent. In addition, she's says that I have to start wearing niqab and I'm not a rebellious person and would never protest against my mother, even if i were to she'd still win the argument because I'm just weak like that and never stick up for myself. Anyways, I know I should have started wearing it a long time ago when I first became a woman, yeahh yeah but I was still young and wasn't ready, I mean a niqab in middle school/high school let alone an AMERICAN school.
So we get to Egypt and it's beautiful. I love it. It was a huge culture shock in some places, but still it was beautiful. But a month later, we're back in America! Ugh, something came up with my older brother and my mother had to be here for some court date or whatever but anyways we're back now. I'm thinking I'm going stop wearing the veil, go back to just wearing abaya and hijab go back to my school and everything will be fine, but no. My mother says that she wants me to continue wearing niqab (again i know she's right) but then she takes me out of school because of one incident previously when she caught me on the phone with a guy but i swear i had put all that behind me and the last thing on my mind was guys especially since i was about to start high school but she does take me out and i'm all like, well it's your fault you shouldn't have done that now she'll never trust you.
but anyways i wore niqab but hardly went anywhere because i didn't feel right in it, almost like a hypocrite because first i wasn't ready to wear it so therefore i didn't want to wear it. i mean, i was thirteen and wearing abaya and hijab, most girls that age won't even put on a hijab ! i was very proud of myself, being one of two girls in my class wearing abaya. So all that pride goes away after I start to realize that I'm not comfortable being seen in niqab. It makes me feel like maybe I was a hypocrite all along, but most of it was like my mother didn't even appreciate, smile, or be proud of the fact that her daughter was dressed in abaya and hijab at such a young age even before puberty while her friends' daughter refused to even wear hijab. so to have her say she's disappointed in me for not wanting to wear niqab hurt a lot because it was like she didn't even care that i'd been trying. i mean, i wanted to wear the skinny jeans like my friends, curl my hair like my friends, but i didn't because i knew that was all haraam and that in order to be a good muslim and follow Islam correctly and maintain my faith i had to the right thing.
we ended up moving down to arizona last year for financial reasons, the economy in michigan really sucks right now and she found a great medical job down here and we have a beautiful house and everything but now i'm so far away from everthing i've ever know. i mean i grew up in michigan. we get down here and my mother tells me i don't have to wear niqab anymore only because she's putting me in school and doesn't want me to have to face conflict.
are you kidding me mother? so now we're all the way down here and you allow me to take of niqab and go to school with all of these kaffirs instead of back up in michigan with muslims where i was doing much better. i tell her no. i want to be homeschool'd and that's what i've been doing since.
i hate it down here. i have no friends, i feel like i'm developing social anxiety since i don't go to school and not only that, but we're so far away from phoenix we're all the muslims are so whenever we go out there's nothing but happy valley people who stare and act all astounded like we're aliens that just escaped from area 51. it never bothered me when people stared because i grew up near one of the largest muslim cities in the U.S.
but now it's annoying. i mean, someone actually called the police because my mother was waiting outside of a store in the car (she veils) for my brother to come out. how ignorant can people be? now i don't feel comfortable in hijab or abaya, and i don't go a lot.
i'm just scared of how life will be once i'm with school and begin college, will i continue to have no friends and remain a social outcast or won't i ? how will i get married if i'm so sad and quiet all the time? so now i feel like such a crappy muslim because i don't like going out in public with hijab or don't feel as comfortable in it as i did before and now i feel like a complete hypocrite. i don't know how my mother does it, she's so strong, and continues to veil except to work.
i know my mother means well and as a single mother with kids trying to keep us all on the straight path while providing is a hard job. but in some ways, i think she ruined my life or at least changed it and in return i changed. i wish to be back in a muslim environment. i can't go back to school because of anxiety and i'm just at lost. prayer is the only thing that keeps me sane.
- Gypsi
****We're converts at that
i apologize that my grammar is sloppy and words are missing, i wasn't really paying attention, just typing out my thoughts.
@Meow, thank you for nothing.
@Spider, sweetie i don't need a lecture. and why are you so big on revert? revert convert whatever, we found Islam.
@Sub Poofy, it's sort of hard because i was brought up under the influence that abaya and niqab was essential. but i feel what you're saying and thank you for your answer.
@Pimpappy, your answer was helpful on the social anxiety part but on the other part, she didn't force me to do anything i myself chose to obey her.
Honestly, I'm not seeking help from you all as I'm very conscious of what's going with me and my life but I do want to know what you think, your thoughts on my situation. I'm sixteen and about to graduate high school in a few months through an online high school I've been doing for the past two years. Then I'm on to college, and from there on I'm not sure. What happened was I was back in Michigan and everything was great. I was going to public school, one that was like 90% Muslim, had nice friends, and couldn't have cared less about what the world thought. But all of a sudden my mother says we're moving to Egypt. Okay, so we're american and converts at thought. My mom converted my family to Islam back when I was seven; she wasn't married to my father and he's not in my life. So I have to drop my life and everything to up and go to this country I know nothing about and I'm pissed about the move to no extent. In addition, she's says that I have to start wearing niqab and I'm not a rebellious person and would never protest against my mother, even if i were to she'd still win the argument because I'm just weak like that and never stick up for myself. Anyways, I know I should have started wearing it a long time ago when I first became a woman, yeahh yeah but I was still young and wasn't ready, I mean a niqab in middle school/high school let alone an AMERICAN school.
So we get to Egypt and it's beautiful. I love it. It was a huge culture shock in some places, but still it was beautiful. But a month later, we're back in America! Ugh, something came up with my older brother and my mother had to be here for some court date or whatever but anyways we're back now. I'm thinking I'm going stop wearing the veil, go back to just wearing abaya and hijab go back to my school and everything will be fine, but no. My mother says that she wants me to continue wearing niqab (again i know she's right) but then she takes me out of school because of one incident previously when she caught me on the phone with a guy but i swear i had put all that behind me and the last thing on my mind was guys especially since i was about to start high school but she does take me out and i'm all like, well it's your fault you shouldn't have done that now she'll never trust you.
but anyways i wore niqab but hardly went anywhere because i didn't feel right in it, almost like a hypocrite because first i wasn't ready to wear it so therefore i didn't want to wear it. i mean, i was thirteen and wearing abaya and hijab, most girls that age won't even put on a hijab ! i was very proud of myself, being one of two girls in my class wearing abaya. So all that pride goes away after I start to realize that I'm not comfortable being seen in niqab. It makes me feel like maybe I was a hypocrite all along, but most of it was like my mother didn't even appreciate, smile, or be proud of the fact that her daughter was dressed in abaya and hijab at such a young age even before puberty while her friends' daughter refused to even wear hijab. so to have her say she's disappointed in me for not wanting to wear niqab hurt a lot because it was like she didn't even care that i'd been trying. i mean, i wanted to wear the skinny jeans like my friends, curl my hair like my friends, but i didn't because i knew that was all haraam and that in order to be a good muslim and follow Islam correctly and maintain my faith i had to the right thing.
we ended up moving down to arizona last year for financial reasons, the economy in michigan really sucks right now and she found a great medical job down here and we have a beautiful house and everything but now i'm so far away from everthing i've ever know. i mean i grew up in michigan. we get down here and my mother tells me i don't have to wear niqab anymore only because she's putting me in school and doesn't want me to have to face conflict.
are you kidding me mother? so now we're all the way down here and you allow me to take of niqab and go to school with all of these kaffirs instead of back up in michigan with muslims where i was doing much better. i tell her no. i want to be homeschool'd and that's what i've been doing since.
i hate it down here. i have no friends, i feel like i'm developing social anxiety since i don't go to school and not only that, but we're so far away from phoenix we're all the muslims are so whenever we go out there's nothing but happy valley people who stare and act all astounded like we're aliens that just escaped from area 51. it never bothered me when people stared because i grew up near one of the largest muslim cities in the U.S.
but now it's annoying. i mean, someone actually called the police because my mother was waiting outside of a store in the car (she veils) for my brother to come out. how ignorant can people be? now i don't feel comfortable in hijab or abaya, and i don't go a lot.
i'm just scared of how life will be once i'm with school and begin college, will i continue to have no friends and remain a social outcast or won't i ? how will i get married if i'm so sad and quiet all the time? so now i feel like such a crappy muslim because i don't like going out in public with hijab or don't feel as comfortable in it as i did before and now i feel like a complete hypocrite. i don't know how my mother does it, she's so strong, and continues to veil except to work.
i know my mother means well and as a single mother with kids trying to keep us all on the straight path while providing is a hard job. but in some ways, i think she ruined my life or at least changed it and in return i changed. i wish to be back in a muslim environment. i can't go back to school because of anxiety and i'm just at lost. prayer is the only thing that keeps me sane.
- Gypsi
****We're converts at that
i apologize that my grammar is sloppy and words are missing, i wasn't really paying attention, just typing out my thoughts.
@Meow, thank you for nothing.
@Spider, sweetie i don't need a lecture. and why are you so big on revert? revert convert whatever, we found Islam.
@Sub Poofy, it's sort of hard because i was brought up under the influence that abaya and niqab was essential. but i feel what you're saying and thank you for your answer.
@Pimpappy, your answer was helpful on the social anxiety part but on the other part, she didn't force me to do anything i myself chose to obey her.