MysteryOfMyMuse
New member
This may be long but please read this ---- I am a 20 year old female and I for the first time in my life am seriously questioning my sexuality. When I was a toddler I was sexually abused but by the time I was old enough to indulge in "self pleasuring" it was still always men I thought about. When I was 14, 15 and 16 I had boyfriends and was mainly interested in dating men but there was something about women that really turned me on. I made out with a few girls while partying and then one night me and one of my girl friends fooled around - after these incidences I came out to my mom and told her that I was bisexual and she was understanding of that. The age of 16 and 17 I would fantasize about women more then men and would find myself checking out women a lot more then men but the thought of actually being with a woman still made me feel weird and I preferred the idea of dating a man. Over time I was in a series of relationships which ended harshly for me - being cheated on, being beat, being used etc and I started to grow a hatred for both women and men and at this point in time my mother started dating a man who was homophobic. By the time I was 18 I was denying ever being bisexual, claiming to be straight as ever and pretty much I believe forced myself into thinking I was straight without question. Now I am 20. Within the past few months I have been longing to date a woman... I don't know where these thoughts are coming from or why but I will be spending time with my best friend and I will imagine grabbing her and kissing her - it sometimes even makes me feel sad that I cant. I will see a woman struggleing to carry something and I was have a yearning to go and help her, flirt with her. It is weird because it is nothing sexual, and I am in a relationship with a great guy who I really care about and who turns me on but I for some reason find thoughts of dating girls always coming into my head for some reason????? WTF IS GOING ON?