question how to explain weird family crap to kids?

M

Mr. Wybie MD

New member
i'm just going to cut straight to the chase, basically i have these half siblings, (this mostly has to do with one of the brothers), and really just started a relationship cause we didnt know who the other one was, i found out who my dad was not that long ago and so we didnt even know eachother existed...anyway my kids and their kids are very close now, mine call my brother Uncle etc, but me and my brother fight A LOT...physically and verbally. I think one of my kids might have heard us talking outside...my brother was saying how i dont even count as part of the fam etc....so my kids are asking about it, and also asking why we fight. I don't really know how to explain it with out confusing them, i mean this is confusing enough for an adult to understand...so do I just tell them the truth? One of my sons specifically asked "What does Uncle Tyler (my bro) mean when he says your are a new part of the family?" How do i explain that like.... I didnt know about them till my late 20's...etc?
damn i thought the trolls would be gone...
 
Tell them that you didn't have a family in the same sense that they do. You moved around a lot of had many different families and didn't find your *real* family until you were older. So, sometimes it's a process for everyone, an adjustment. But that it's getting better.
Then talk to your kids about how lucky they are to be with their family right now. You didn't always have that and it took awhile for you to get it.
Explain your most important family is the one you have with them (your kids and fiance) but that YOU and Uncle Tyler ARE family- your both just still getting to know each other and catch up.
 
Hi =]
Well I think that you should tell them that sometimes Uncle Tyler gets mad at you and says things he shouldn't and that they shouldn't worry about it..
If they're that young they don't really need the details do they? I mean bring this up with your brother so that next time you get in a spat you two can go somewhere where the kids wont hear you. I'm sure he'll understand.
 
Honesty is always the best policy, particularly with children. May I make a suggestion?

1. Start by asking them if they have any friends from 'blended' families .. friends with a step parent .. friends with absent parents. Chances are, they do and that will help put the situation into a real-life perspective for them.

2. Go on to say that your real dad and mom broke up a long time ago. They moved apart and after a while got married again, which gave you brothers and sisters that are 'half' related to you (sharing the same mom or dad). The new family was unaware of the old family.

3. Tell them your brother was shocked to learn one of his parents had other children. The fighting is a result of jealousy, anger, pain over that surprise.

4. Ask them if they have any questions, then answer honestly.

As for you and your brother fighting, please understand that it stems from unresolved questions and anger over the shocking disclosure that your parents were not who you thought they were. It tends to make you question everything you know about them and your childhood.

That said, you cannot change your brother but you CAN change your reaction to him. After his hurtful words try saying 'I do not accept that.' Then, walk away. It puts his anger back in his lap, and it's up to him to deal with it.

Two suggestions for you:

1. Resolve to stop dragging your yesterdays into your today.

2. Your mind and your emotions are under your control. So control them. No one can make you angry without your permission.
 
Tell them that you didn't have the family they had, and that your brother and you have a lot of disagreements that you guys need to sort out and then tell them you love them and that it will all be okay :)
 
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