Question about 'grooming'?

G

Gazz B

New member
I'm not sure if it's a universal word. But in England, grooming refers to an adult trying to 'groom' a minor (get her ready) for sexual acts or intercourse.

I think people believe it is pretty clear cut and obvious when it's happening. For example, an older man talking to a minor over the net via IM or whatever, asking sexual questions then arranging to meet etc.

But what about cases that aren't as obvious?

What would you think about an 18 year old befriending a 14 year old? harmless? What if the 18 year old was telling the 14 year old they will take them away and make their life better? Is the 18 year old being some noble, saviour? Or do they have ulterior motives similar to a 56 year old wanting to 'help' a minor?
 
I think it's about integrity. The 18 year old might not be trying to groom the 14 year old, but it looks bad, so he shouldn't do it.

It's got to be tough when you're 18. You might not see anything wrong with being "friends" with someone younger, even someone who is 16. But you must think of what other people see in you.

And you have to think of the law.

And it's just my opinion, but if you're over 18, anything goes.
 
Not as bad as a 56 year old cause he has the wisdom to know better. But its still bad an wrong. But, at that age I couldn't punish the 18 year old to harshly for being young an dumb.
 
The true intentions of people can't be accurately judged over the internet. The anonymity can be used to create innumerable misconceptions in the uninitiated. This the main reason that minors with their young, impressionable minds should be under parental control while on the internet. If flirting is done except when in proper settings (like a dating website or a match-making site), then it is suspect. Yes, an 18 year old convincing a 15 year old kid over the internet that they can take them away to disneyland is no different from a 56 year old convincing a minor that he's/she's harmless.
 
Probably, we all know the law. I've been approached here on yahoo by youngish girls. Ive told them its inappropriate because of our age difference and they have said things like "k we can still b m8s tho" and ive said no because of the connotations.

If someone is prepared to maintain an online relationship with a minor despite these connotations there must be some other motivation there imo.
 
If helping a minor is considered a crime then Yahoo Answers better close the homework help section immediately!
This whole issue is difficult. If you are concerned then just make sure that all of your internet friends are over 18.
 
I don't think an online friendship between an 18 year old and a 14 year old has to be harmful because of the age difference as such. I'd be much more concerned about the anonymity and possibilities for misrepresentation. Raising children to have a healthy skepticism and reasonable paranoia (no that's not a contradiction in this case) is the best inoculation in my opinion.

What if the 18 year old was befriending the 14 year old in person? Most of us who are parents would find that a bit "off." And whether online or in real life, telling a 14 year old they will take them away is way, way "off." Without a crystal ball to reveal other people's motives, we have to keep our antennae tuned.

It's a sad reflection of the times that helpfulness has to be viewed with suspicion.
 
An adult asking a kid sexual questions etc is wrong and this shouldn't be allowed to happen. However 'grooming' is a very slippery word e.g. is it grooming a woman for rape if you buy her drinks?

To cast suspicion on someone (usually a man, right?) because they are befriending (helping?) someone 30 years their junior (or 30 years their senior?) is simply paranoid and damaging to society.

In the West today trust has been eroded away and we have learned to be frightened of each other. Women are supposed to be frightened of men because everyone knows that "all men are rapists". Men are supposed to be scared of women because they will be accused of rape, or else they will marry you and take your money and your children. Adults fear kids/teens because kids and teens are vicious and ignorant thugs and vandals. Kids are supposed to fear adults, because everyone knows there is a pedophile behind every hedge.

Like I said, any sexual aspect in the 56/14 year old relationship is completely wrong. But do we put all men in jail because some men are rapists?
 
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