Puppy narrowly escapes with life

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grimeville05

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Prelude

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Many years ago, the legendary Woodreaux was strolling through the East and he encountered a Shaolin Monk. In a display of his infinite generousity, the great Woodreaux favored the Shaolin Monk with a nod. For whatever reason, the monk did not return his nod. Whether or not it was a deliberate attempt to enrage Woodreaux, the exact motives of the Shaolin Monk were never known. However the next day, the mighty Woodreaux went to Shaolin temple seeking out the offending monk. The abbot immediately saw the storm on the horizon and did his best to console Woodreaux, however Woodreaux was unconsolable. And so, the slaughter at the Shaolin Temple began, and with it so too was legend of Woodreaux's anger management problem...

The Schict

Last night my mother-fucking puppy mauled my mother-fucking wallet!!!! That little bitch decided to repay my kindness, strong pack-leadership, enjoyment of quality time with Roscoe and the honor of basking of the glorious presence of Woodreaux by ripping my wallet asunder while I was in the shower washing my ass. I had just returned from taking them for a long enjoyable stroll filled with plenty of playtime with other dogs in the nieghborhood and decided to bless the sewers with the water that had run down my sexy ass (normally, I bottle it and sell it to super models to help get themselves aroused). I come out of the bathroom to find a trail of twisted and torn money that looked like it had passed through a blender. I followed the trail under the bed to find my wallet in the little bitch's maw being rended like a pork chop. The final offense was when I tried to grab it out of her mouth, my ATM card flew out. The tooth marks penetrating the magnetic strip were perfect enough to make a dental mold out of.

The world before my eyes turned red as blood. And all I could see was a four legged creature I wanted to blutally decapitate. Obviously, the fury and wrath of Woodreaux are legendary. However, my vengence is surpassed only by my infinite compassion. (oh yeah, and the stature of The Honorable Wang Mjolnir Shai-Hulud. But that goes without saying) In an unprecented display of mercy, I spared the life of the little puppy. Instead, I did the dreaded back of the neck carry hold and put her in time out. She didn't know what she was doing. To her, an ATM card is just another item to be chewed on, for Anubis blesses all of his canine children with an all you can eat buffet that we call planet Earth. Meanwhile, I have to get a new fucking wallet and ATM card!
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You are not Pai Mei!

PaiMei.jpg


This is Pai Mei!


It takes a great deal of restraint not to kill the evil little creature, I certainly would have (but then again, I eat kittens for lunch).
 
I hate puppies. When I was a child, a puppy killed my father and raped my mother. Now I hunt puppies and kill them to avenge my parents. Also, I'm bored.
 
Awww! No wonder you couldn't hurt him. Thanks! :D

I've been suddenly wanting a puppy very badly lately. I suppose it's because we lost our great dane we've had for the last 6 1/2 years 2 months ago. :sad:
 
Awwwww. Who's a naughty litttle doggy? Who's a naughty litttle doggy? Yes you are! Coochie choooochie cooo! RURURURUR. Kekkekeke. Silly puppy.



Umm... Sorry about your wallet.
 
You know, like I tell CL and the kids---if you keep your shit put up where the puppies and little kids can't reach it, you have nothing to worry about. IF you don't then it is your fault for not thinking ahead.
 
St. Roch (or Rock, Rocco, Roque, etc.) was, by most accounts, born around 1295 in Montpelier, France. Despite a privileged background, he had great empathy for the poor and sick and eventually renounced his nobility and wealth to make a pilgrimage to Rome where he cared for plague victims.

Eventually he contracted the disease himself and retreated to a forest so as to not burden anyone with his own suffering. There he was befriended by a dog who daily brought him food from a nearby manor and licked Roch's wounds until he recovered.

By the time he returned home, his family had died and no one recognized him. Consequently, he was charged with false impersonation and spying, and languished in prison for five years, where he and his faithful canine companion cared for other prisoners until he died in 1327.

He is now considered the patron saint of dogs and those who love them.

I'm guessing the moral of this story is that if you ever get sent to jail, take the dog and see if he can bring you other wallets.
 
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