Pregnancy and Mother-In-Law Help!?

L

Lacey

New member
I am 39 weeks pregnant..been married for almost a year. My mother in law and I have never been on the same page. She is an older lady and overall quite contrary. She constantly makes mean and rude comments to me....sometimes personally degrading. Too many/much to list or get into. But put it this way...I am not this womans favorite person and she obviously thinks I am too young and knows nothing(i'm 24). I try not to say anything back because I want to be respectful but it is so hard to bite my tounge. My husband is pretty passive on the issue when I express my frustration to him. I absolutely dread being around this woman she makes me feel so crappy.

So the main issue I'm having is this is my first baby on the way, and my mother in law will be coming to visit/stay as soon as the baby is born..maybe for a few weeks. I really dont want to be bombarded by her and her absolute rudeness and advice, especially when I am trying to adjust to my new baby, breastfeed, heal, spend time with my husband etc.

But my husband feels this isn't fair, seeing it is HIS mother and she also has a few hours drive to get to our home and she is "older." I dont mind her visiting the baby but not right away and not for a continuous length of time.

Am I being selfish? I feel really bad but I don't want/need the stress/torture this woman will cause me during such a time for my husband and I. It's been bothering me soo much in the last little while it makes me sick to my stomach. Please any advice on how I should approach this situation..or how would you feel if you were in a similar situation..or any experiences? Thanks!!
 
I just had a baby girl two month ago. And this is very challenging stage in a woman life. I would prefer to stay along rather than being dealing with stress. However, you will need someone there a least for the first week.
Try to get some rest when the baby is sleeping, and don't allowed anyone to bather you. Everybody will try to give you some advice, but at the end is your choice to accept it or no. Remember this will be your baby and you will be the only one, who will be responsible for his/her education.
I am still having a hard time between my mom and my mother in law trying to raise my daughter, but I am following Dr. and professional advices.
Elders sometimes have so many Myth and believes that I don,t share with them.
My mother in law only showed up at night time when I didn't need her and didn't help in any housekeeping work. She bring my daughter gifts all the time, but believe me at the beginning you will appreciate support and cleaning more than money. Good luck with your labor and with your baby.
If She had help you now throw your the pregnancy is ok to allow her to stay,otherwise no.
God bless you and your baby and provide you with wisdom.
I hope your mom can be there for you.
 
This is the time to be a little selfish - and that is perfectly ok! You are going to do a lot of seriously hard work and will need some down time and positive support. It is hard enough to deal with the ups and downs of having a baby, let alone mixing them with family who are hard on you.

You need to set your foot down and demand that your husband support you on this. He is supposed to support and protect you, even if it is from his own mother.

If the drive is that hard on your MIL, then she can wait to visit the baby until you are ready or she can stay at a hotel. She doesn't need time to heal or bond with your newborn - you do.

She is being greedy by demanding that she invade into your home and sanctuary to cause disruption. Your husband needs to cut the apron strings and stand up for his wife.
 
You are not being selfish.
Stress can trigger depression after having the child.
And you are right, it will be a huge hassle having her around while trying to build some family time.

You need to get yourself together after that.

I think you are right.
And I also think that you should let your husband know that he needs to be a little bit less passive and understand what you will be going through.
 
I understand where you are coming from on this one. Both mine and my husband's parents live over an hour away. We just told them that we wanted to be left alone for a few days to adjust to being a new family. We had the limit on both sets of parents so one did not feel slighted. They respected our wishes. We told them that we would call if we needed help. When my son was about 3 weeks old my husband had to leave for the week so I went and stayed w/ my mom and dad a few days for some extra help and sanity!
 
I understand where you are coming from on this one. Both mine and my husband's parents live over an hour away. We just told them that we wanted to be left alone for a few days to adjust to being a new family. We had the limit on both sets of parents so one did not feel slighted. They respected our wishes. We told them that we would call if we needed help. When my son was about 3 weeks old my husband had to leave for the week so I went and stayed w/ my mom and dad a few days for some extra help and sanity!
 
I despise my MIL. So does her son. The ONLY thing I see as beneficial to her coming is that you can get some rest the first few weeks while she is watching your baby.

If she gives you advice or suggestions, just say "thanks, MIL or Crazy Bat (whatever), that is a great suggestion. let me think about that for a while." It complements her and puts her off at the same time. Hopefully it will confuse her and she will be at a loss for words.

If you can stomach her for two weeks, use her as payback for all the rude things she has said to you.
 
Try not to worry to much...Its not good for you or the baby. I know how u feel tho. My boyfriends mom is the same way with me. She had a FIT when she learned that I was pregnant. I have no idea why she doesn't like me for I have done nothing and always am very polite. She is just a crazy evil woman..lol but she IS my boyfriends mom and she will be the grandmother so i guess ill have to put up with it. My advice...don't say or do anything...act sweet as sugar to her even if ur fuming on the inside. lol when she sees that she cant get to you..she may ease up a bit..Good luck girl i feel your pain. :) and congrats on ur soon to be new arrival.
 
You have married a "mommy's boy" who is afraid to stand up to her. Try speaking with him to explain that you will need time to become comfortable in your new role as a mother and will not be able to host any visitors in the first month or two. If he refuses to speak to his mother, you will have to do it. She will blame the lack of welcome on you whether he speaks to her or whether you do so it really lmakes no difference. Hopefully, at some point, your husband will mature to the point where he realizes that he needs to stand up and accept you as his wife.

Send her a note thanking her for her thoughtfulness and her desire to help you but explain that your doctor has recommended that you do not host any guests for some time after the birth due to your need to morph or become comfortable in your new role. If she ignores your wishes, send her a list of hotels in your area where she can stay. You might also want to look at taking the baby and going for an extended vacation to see your mother or family at that time so that your mother-in-law and her son can have a great visit.

Your husband may not mind his mother coming to visit as he will be at work while you are left with the hosting duties. That is something he should not expect from you.
 
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