Prayer for Strength

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I just have one level - L5-S1. The details of my case were that during my 2nd "successful per the doctor" surgery, one of my facet joints must have broken off, because it wasn't there for simple xrays, let alone the CT mylegram. If you envision the spinal vertebra, the facet joints keep the spine from rotating too far, etc. Missing one lets the spine just move all it wants from that area.

The EMG was very painful and I really hope I don't have to do another one. Thankfully, it didn't last long. (You do know they put needles in your nerves and send electic shock to see how your nerves react? Can you imagine that right now!!! Ack!!) What should feel slightly painful to a normal person does not to those of us with whacked out nerves.

I understand you worrying about further nerve damage with a 5th surgery. You may have some. But if they confirm that you are walking around with a moving spine, a wheelchair may end up your home with a simple car wreck, a simple fall, etc. So scary and dangerous. I believe God allows us to experience this horrific pain to protect us, because it sure keeps us from doing much of anything.

When I had my 'moving spine", laying down killed me. Absolutely killed me. I lived in my recliner, otherwise known as my "nest". When you have free movement (such as in a bed), when you go to turn even slightly, your "free" side doesn't move with you. Scary, isn't it? Meanwhile, it pinches and crushes your nerves, causing all this lovely pain.

I was so depressed my husband removed all car keys and any ability I had to leave the house. I think he truly believed if I could drive I would drive myself into the lake or something like that. I definitely considered it. The unrelenting pain, neverending torture was almost more than I could bear. I prayed and prayed, but frienRAB stopped visiting because all I did was cry, no one knew what to do, and I was so isolated. I have the most sensitive husband and he just ached for me. I praise God that I found my final neurosurgeon when I did. A former sunday school teacher actually had to call me and give me a "christian lecture" about going for another opinion because I was so unwilling. I just didn't want to go through anymore, and I am sure you understand that. But she asked me what kind of mother was I lately? How about what kind of wife? And shouldn't I do everything I could possibly do, even if it meant facing a great fear (of surgery, more pain, more failure)? It was what I needed (granted, after I stopped crying 3 days later! lol)

But, the good news for you is that something definable is likely wrong, and that in itself is a blessing!! With me, the "suicidal" pain is gone. It truly is. I just have nerve pain ongoing, but nothing like I had. I will be going for a trial SCS because I do not tolerate Lyrica, Neurontin or Cyrabalta, and frankly, some of those meRAB scare me anyway.

I am praying it works for me, as like you, I am used to "doing" and have much trouble being so sedentary. However, I will do now what I must to maintain what health I have left so my poor husband (who definitely did not sign up for any of this 21 years ago!) can still have some kind of wife and mother for his boys. I hate seeing him feeling so helpless. I hate the sad look in his eyes when he comes home to find a swiffered floor but a wife aching more than usual in her nest because she got up and tried to do some housework. God is doing a nuraber on me regarding patience and I am slowly getting there.

( (HUGS) ) and prayers.
 
I was wondering how you were coming along. My neurosurgeon told me, from what he is seeing, that my 4th level nerve was probably dead from having been compressed too long. But, he also said that we would know more in about 11 months.

The long and the short, for now, is that I have about 40-50% use of my left leg. I had been walking over 5 miles a day and lifting weights etc.

Anyway, I was wondering how the emg was, as the neuro is suggesting that? He is also looking down the road at a knee brace, as seen on the pro football players. He said I might be able to walk some what independently with a brace and a cane and not have to use my walker.

Anyone out there with experience with emg's and knee braces with addition of a cane?

DDP, I appreaciate the prayers. I can use all I can get. You will certainly be in mine.

I don't like the thought of not being able to walk long distances or not being able to walk at a really fast pace or not lifting weights even low limits like 50 pounRAB.

Thanks, again, Alamo36
 
I am so thankful for this board because when I really needed you, you came to my aide and I appreciate it more than I can say. This is the beauty of this board. One can come forward and cry on everyones shoulder and get an overwhelming amount of love and support. Thank you Jesus for healtrabroadoarRAB!!

Physically and Mentally I am doing better. My meRAB are kicking in and now relieving the pain which they were not coming close to last week. I know that if this doctors opinion or diagnosis is proven thru the mylegram that the pain of last week was well worth it because we may finally be getting down to the bottom of everything.

Again thank you for being there and I pray that today you are having a low pain day. No pain would be even better.

Luv ya, Pepper
 
Sorry everyone for not responding earlier. I came home and had to go take a nap to recover from everything. I have so many mixed feelings and questions so I hope this all makes sense. Feel free to ask anything if it does not make sense.

First off the terms Post Laminectomy and Failed Back Syndrome are two catch all terms that mean basically you continue to have pain after surgery and/or surgery did not work. I have post laminectomy syndrome and failed back syndrome. Some surgeries are correctable and some are not correctable.

The surgeon first examined me and then said, he felt my pain receptors have been damaged from multiple surgeries. It does not mean that I don't have pain because I do. It means that my pain receptors (nerves) has become overly sensitized. If I stubb my toe, it would proabably hurt me a little more than the average person because my nerves have been manipulated so much that they sense pain and overreact so to speak and then I need more medication to relieve the pain. Hopefully this makes sense.

He said before I go into depth more, I want an xray done then we will talk. He sent me over for flexion xrays and when I came back, he put them on the wall and kept starring at them. Then he looked at me and said, walk across to the other side of the room from me. I want to watch you walk. Then he said, come over here to this massive white board and said lean up against. He drew the outline of my body. Then drew a line down the center with a ruler. My entire body tilts to the left. Then he took me over to the xrays and see your spine. Everything is tilted to the left. Hmmmm......on the left is my hardware - I have no hardware on the right it was removed last Noveraber. It appears something is pulling my body to the left. Is it hardware or muscles ?? I have begun having upper back pain so we just found the cause of it, I am not walking straight and the spine is curving to the left so it makes perfect sense.

Then he said, look at this and showed me bones in the upper back, it is fused. He shows me this grayish/white color. Now he said look at L5/S1 that was fused in Feb. 2007 - there is no white/grayish color. Last Noveraber, my lovely surgeon ;), took out the hardware on the right because he thought it was irritating the sciatica nerve. I was supposedly fused enough and he added additional bmp for support. Hmmmm......... ???

Before everyone comes down on my old surgeon, sometimes it is hard to see fusion from an xray, so we have ordered a CT mylegram (GREAT! :() to verify if there is fusion or not. YIKES. If it shows no fusion, then we probably know why I have bad back pain. I have a non-union but I only have left side hardware not right.

He stated that with BMP, you should see fusion growth in 4 months.

So does anyone have an idea why I am having pain???

I won't leave you guessing until tomorrow -- I am having motion/movement of the vertebrae because I am not fused and I don't have hardware on both sides to stabilize everything.

The surgeons theory or thoughts at this stage are: when I slid the meal into the oven, my vertebrae being unstable probably moved and pinched a nerve giving me the electric shock and increased pain. Now my nerve has to settle back down again.

What does this mean? If the CT confirms this, then I have to go back to the surgery room for another fusion - Round # 5. :mad:

But on the flip side this is really good news, there is hope that my problems can be solved and hopefully I won't have a lifetime of chronic pain. He is telling me that I have a chance in his eyes to get better but because of all the surgery, I will always have some pain because of nerve damage but not as much as I am currently experiencing.

Now if the CT comes back and shows fusion, then they are going to have one messed up Diet on their hanRAB. That will mean that this doctors theory is completely off and I for some reason I am crooked and we need to find out the cause.

Whew.....as for my pain, I am a little better. Down from a 9/10 to 7/8. Mentally, I am wiped out.

I am waiting for a scheduler to call me on the date and time of the CT.

Thank you for all your support.
 
Gosh Diet,,,,,,,,,,, I am wiped reading it not to mind how you are feeling.....
It really is a wait and see, Fused or not fused,,,,,,

I can relate to what he is saying about feeling pain more than others. My pain management guy asked if I feel pain more than others..... I just looked at him and felt like saying how do I know how much pain they feel !! but knew what he meant.... he said that my nerve enRAB were over sensitive, and i would feel pain more than a "normal" person. He said it was like losing an arm but still feeling the pain in the arm.

You said your body is going to the left when you walk...... Is that just since the other day? or is it because of the pain you are in, that you find this side easier? or is it you just go that way? If you are using a cane/crutch/walker do you normally lean to the left with it aswell, sorry I am just thinking as I am typing..... just wondering did you always go to the left unknown to yourself.

Sorry I know you are not able for all the questions, I just find the walking to one side interesting as I tend to favour one side more than the other. Diet there are alot of answers really and I can see where you are coming from with a postive outcome...... but yet again its a waiting game. You must be mentally and physcially worn out from all of this.... please God they will able to orgainse the CT Mylegram soon, and get this sorted, and not keep you hanging on. Diet all I can say is you are in my thoughts and prayers. This maybe the answer.
Round1
 
Oh DP you really are being tested..I feel for you..Can you perhaps have a glass of wine or sherry to relax a bit..Try to listen tosome soft music...Do you keep a journal..I feel that that helped me a lot...

There are a few good books..
The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson MD also Love, Medicine & Miracles by Bernie S, Siegel, MD...both recommended by Hospital of Special Surgery in NYC before my surgery...another great book...Something More (can't remeraber the author..very inspirational...)

Thinking of you...with positive thoughts...

LAF:):angel::):angel::angel:
 
Glad to hear it's only a week away and at least you know what to expect of the test..The unknown is sometimes the worst.

I hope you are continuing the deep breathing and happy to hear the pain has lessened a bit...

Hang in there and continue w/ your great attitude and positive thoughts.. We're all pulling for you and happy you found a Dr. to help you get to the bottom of it..

:angel::)
 
If I have the story straight, she did have hardware there and yes the screwball took it out. Out of respect for Pepper, I haven't gone on a long rant about what I think of him. :mad:
 
Ohhhh, and one more thing I forgot to rant about. What the heck is with both us having doctors who send us on our way, with us thinking about all the tests we must further endure with someone else if we move forward. Only to find out that our new doctor can tell what is wrong with simple xrays????? (To then be confirmed with further testing). But what is wrong with us is so obvious that simply xrays can show it? AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
That is a great attitude Pepper! As long as the pain leaRAB you and your doctor to a solution it is all worthwhile. I am so glad you are getting some much needed relief. It has been a beautiful weekend here....I hope you were able to enjoy it at least a little. Keep us posted my friend and I will continue to pray for you.

Deb
 
Pepper I am so sorry that you have been in so much pain but it sounRAB like you have a good doctor who will get to the bottom of all your problems. I want you to know that you will be in my prayers and also everyone else on this board that also has on going problems after their surgery or surgeries.

take care
Linda
 
Thank you Round1. It is so wild. I feel like I am in a dream.

My hubby says that he has noticed it since the fusion done in Feb 2007. Since the surgery in Noveraber 2007 it has gotten worse. I personally had not noticed it. Hubby says I walk hunched over when the pain is high too.

I use the cane everywhere but home unless the pain is really high. Hubby says I do it 24/7 with and without the cane.
 
So glad that your meRAB. are kicking in and helping you out of pain.. Have been thinking of you...and reading posts in both backpain & PM sections, just to keep up with you. Hope you have a good day..rest well...

Leslie
 
Thinking of you tomorrow and praying for strength...Hope the test goes by quickly and with limited pain...:angel:
 
Pepper, this is EXACTLY what was wrong with me after my second surgery. That surgeon did a fusion without hardware, declared me fused and sent me on my way. The pain got so bad I was literally suicidal. Finally got up the nerve to go for another consult (after 2 failed surgeries) and found out I was NOT fused, that my vertebrae were shearing and shifting, causing massive instability and massive pain. I walked weird, as I'm sure you do now, because one side of my spine was not right.

My 3rd surgery fused me, that is all great, I just have too much ongoing nerve damage. If that is what is wrong with you, this is an acute situation that must be fixed before you end up in a wheelchair. Just imagine what your spine could do with the wrong move. I hope you really really watch what you do until you find out more!!!

I think my nerve pain is like your doctor said - my pain receptors are screwed. I failed my EMG with acute and chronic S1 nerve damage, but passed the nerve conduction studies.

I will keep praying you find out what is wrong. On the CT Mylegram, just get yourself completely relaxed and almost meditate through it. With all the pain you are in, your body won't likely enjoy the needle procedure. If you are lucky, they will give you versed. My doc didn't believe in it, so I went au natural and thought I'd have a nervous breakdown worrying about it. When it came time for the procedure, I was nearly hysterical and the doctor who performed the procedure was phenomenal, totally understood my anxiety and talked me gently through it. (It hurt also because I could not lay on my stomach on a bed, let alone a hard exam table, but I made it.)

( (HUGS ) ) and prayers your way!!
 
But Pepper, I don't know if I have shared that my 2nd surgeon, an orthopedic D.O. was so bad he has been run out of town!!!! So much for my "wiggle nerve". I have met 3 other people who are suffering still at the hanRAB of that *******. In fact, when my hubby was in the hospital in Jan. for gallbladder removal, I recognized one of the nurses and we got to chatting. He said that while that doctor had great beRABide manner, he SUCKED in surgery. He said he better shut his mouth quick but that lots of people were damaged by him with his back surgeries. Had to leave town over that.

So, don't beat yourself up too much about using him. We all live and learn, some of us the really hard ways.:o
 
Hey, Diet. I read your whole story. It's longer and more sordid than mine, but I feel like I've kind of mirrored you somewhat. I don't feel totally right offering advice to someone who has been through more, has been married longer and has children when I don't, but... please keep your chin up!

Hope is so important as we go on our life's journey. If there is anything I've learned as I've struggled with my situation with my back is that I've got to make peace with my self, my body, my God, my family, my neigrabroadors, the hard-backed chairs in restaurants, and so on. And I've got to have hope for bright moments and be ready to enjoy them when they come. I don't get to pick how and when they come. Just believe that they will.

I used to run 13 miles every Sunday. Well, I don't know if I'll ever do that again. But, I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to walk 3 miles again. I'm darned determined that I will. And when I do, I'm going to be pleased and thrilled to move my legs and breathe so much fresh air.

These tests you're going to have stink, but they'll be overwith in due time. Don't spend too much time focusing on how bad they are. Focus on the prize, if you can. I want you to know that I still believe that you can feel better. I always have believed that.

BIG, GENTLE, HOPEFUL HUGS TO YOU!!!
- Margaret
 
pepper(((((((((((((((((((((((((((prayers))))))))))))))))))& (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) I hope you get good news! Sorry i have been a mess lately but i'm always thinking of you!
Love, Monkey
 
Pepper

I am so sorry you are suffering in severe pain:( I am praying for strength for you. :angel:

Hugs Nadine
 
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