power dynamics

[kZ cutie <3]

...

 

[Shandy]

Could have sworn I commented on this.

Regardless, this is awesome prose. I love the resolution.

 

[doug l]

Tooooo many modifiers kitsch, it really clogs up the reading, I'd take a few out. Apart from that it's pretty good. Added an l in red too for your typo.

 

[lady_armand2]

Counseling is an american spelling and counselling is a british spelling. kitch is an american and correctly used his spelling

It could've been phrased differently. This comes across as a (really) short story and because of that, the first sentence is very bloated, almost gluttonous. Where a comma is, could be a semi-colon, or even a period for the second paragraph. Given your predisposition for free form, short stories aren't really your strong point. Adjectives are a nice spice, but too much ruins the poignancy.

Not that the story is bad, it's just the way it is written. Writing that appears to be a short story should be formatted thusly, instead of free form poetry.

 

[booker.brianna]

Ah, I take it back then bloody americans!

 

[caspergrl]

What's with your hate of modifiers? You're crazyyyyy

 

[aschaal03]

i didnt mean it so much as a short story just sentences describing **** that is happening