Poetry! A Bleeding Sun! What do you think? My feelings towards my father...?

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dabest

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A Bleeding Sun
Where streams of strict obedience
beholden in broken hands
of quiet passion run

through cracked fingers
once curled into warm palms
of a father's love
neither floats nor lingers

hardened feet breaking the backs of leaves
tinted orange---from where
the Sun's rays hath weaved

on strong shoulders he heaves
the heavy burden of perfection
under heavy rain
he sees---the dampened voice

of his somber reflection.


What do you think? I am seventeen years old and basically wrote about my feeings towards my parents. I resent the fact that it seems like he pushes me towards prefection. Have to be perfect in school, outside of school, it is complicated. I know he cares and his heart is in the right place..he has the right intentions..he is just misguided.
 
wow dude this is deep totally like it:D
u should keep writing.
im a songwriter for my band and guitarist so i know whats good and i say this is amazing
check out my songs sometime
 
i completely understand what you mean. and i can completely relate. I loved all the analogies ad similes you used. great word choice. You should write more it was very good. I love the whole perfection thing. Because perfection only exists in the eyes of the beholder, other wise there is no such thing.
 
It's beautiful. I feel so much of what you must have felt when writing this: resentment, a hunger to prove oneself. You should seriously consider entering this in a contest or something... I love it. Could you tell me what you think of mine? They're... somewhere.... might be on my profile...
 
wow dude this is deep totally like it:D
u should keep writing.
im a songwriter for my band and guitarist so i know whats good and i say this is amazing
check out my songs sometime
 
wow dude this is deep totally like it:D
u should keep writing.
im a songwriter for my band and guitarist so i know whats good and i say this is amazing
check out my songs sometime
 
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