Poem... kind of corny, reworked, reposted, Is this any better?

[DPM (relict)]

Really very good.
"A doubt" may need its own line...

 

[thesox24]

You need to get your meter worked out, try reading it over a couple times to try to get the spacing of stanzas to read nicely

 

[DPM (relict)]

Really very good.
"A doubt" may need its own line...

 

[§ Baby's Blues Rock §]

Today
was talking to myself; again
Conversation open ended
Never expecting a reply , then
or to have my words ...unintended
Suspended in the atmosphere
They gamboled freely; wandered loose
A field of corn surrendered ears
Silk tassels; filaments profuse
alas; I started answering back
An unexpected turn of tongue
of dictioned words there was no lack
in elocution, quickly flung
catapulting, tumbled out
From fractured mind, without a doubt

 

[thesox24]

You need to get your meter worked out, try reading it over a couple times to try to get the spacing of stanzas to read nicely

 

[thesox24]

You need to get your meter worked out, try reading it over a couple times to try to get the spacing of stanzas to read nicely

 

[thesox24]

You need to get your meter worked out, try reading it over a couple times to try to get the spacing of stanzas to read nicely