poem i wrote ...can i have critism?

N

n.d.

New member
eh..it's a good subject but poorly executed.
prose can have a flow but i don't see it here.
you could try rhyming...
idk...
 
Are my eyes open yet?
The truth is it, overrated
You tell me
She says yes and no
And yes we are but don’t tell him and don’t tell them no, not yet
What is the truth I am lost
My fears are my deepest secret
But is my darkest secret my fears?
You tell me
They tell you love is happiness
Yet love causes the most pain
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
So is it happiness
Your heart was broken into 2
I want you to be happy
So give me your heart
I promise ill mend it and keep it safe and sound
My eyes are open
Yet I still feel blind
 
UGH very vague, no objective imagery!
I am not saying you should quit, but you should not just focus on your own emotions because the reader doesn't care about "your emotions" the reader wants to FEEL that sadness, or that Joy!
You should not just focus on the subjective things.
 
Back
Top