Poem about my current heartbreak. :( Please comment...:)?

G

Goofew

New member
I never write poetry, and this isn't supposed to rhyme. But I am upset right now because this girl I loved for 2 years, I have caught her lying to me about something (semi-big) for a long time and she can't trust me with anything even though she tells me that I'm her "greatest treasure".

I know she doesn't mean to hurt me, she's a really sweet girl. I KNOW I am in love, so I can't put into words that I am in love, but these words came to my mind. She has a rough life, her mother treats her like crap and her dad is never home. Her brother lives far away and her boyfriend left her 2 months ago and she can't like anyone because she's still upset about it.

PLEASE only good positive comments. I am terribly upset right now.


For once... I actually thought I made a difference in somebody's life.
I thought I was good at making people smile.
I thought I was able to make her life change.
No matter how hard I tried at times it seemed like I did make her feel good.
But it was just a mask she put on to get me to shut up, to stop asking, to stop caring.
I never tried to be a nuisance.
I tried to make her life change, for the better.
And one day, I dreamed about showing her how I felt when we both were ready to be together.
But that was a dream that became more and more distant as she kept hiding from me.
I tried to be the better person, but it was so hard...
Why am I so lucky?
Why did I meet this wonderful girl?
The voice in my head was laughing at me.
My paranoia got to me.
I didn't know what to believe.
The day I told her I loved her was a day I will always remember.
The day she broke my heart is a day I will never forget.
At that time, I felt like a fool.
Why waste my time on a girl who can't return the trust I had for her?
Why did I have such patience with a girl that had the power to make me smile and in an instant take it away?
Because past the experience of this girl, is the girl I can trust and cherish for the rest of my life.
 
This is so amazing,the way you got your feelings out are so touching. Good work!
 
If you remember one thing in life, remember this, never give up on something you love because it could be gone before you know it." -Seth David Hitchcock

Dont give up, win her love:)
 
OMG. I so know how you feel. This is really touching. I felt like this about a guy once and he just shredded my heart to pieces. My advice to you is to move on. Honestly, move on. Easier said than done, but it really helps the healing process. In the end she'll realize that she tainted a beautiful thing.
 
I know you want only positive advice... but I'm not going to lie.

I understand you are in great pain... my last relationship ended with me getting a restraining order against him. He tried to kill himself in MY house.

But pain doesn't equal an amazing poem. Since you are in heart ache currently, you have the emotion already there in your poem. But once you start to heal, I would go back to the poem and fix the technicalities.

Because, you don't have flow, description, complex vocab, etc. You do have punctuation and emotion, but not quite everything to call it a poetic poem.

Good luck with the healing process. Keep writing.
 
I know you want only positive advice... but I'm not going to lie.

I understand you are in great pain... my last relationship ended with me getting a restraining order against him. He tried to kill himself in MY house.

But pain doesn't equal an amazing poem. Since you are in heart ache currently, you have the emotion already there in your poem. But once you start to heal, I would go back to the poem and fix the technicalities.

Because, you don't have flow, description, complex vocab, etc. You do have punctuation and emotion, but not quite everything to call it a poetic poem.

Good luck with the healing process. Keep writing.
 
I know you want only positive advice... but I'm not going to lie.

I understand you are in great pain... my last relationship ended with me getting a restraining order against him. He tried to kill himself in MY house.

But pain doesn't equal an amazing poem. Since you are in heart ache currently, you have the emotion already there in your poem. But once you start to heal, I would go back to the poem and fix the technicalities.

Because, you don't have flow, description, complex vocab, etc. You do have punctuation and emotion, but not quite everything to call it a poetic poem.

Good luck with the healing process. Keep writing.
 
Back
Top