Poem about betrayal ,,, ((short )) 10 points?

T

The forgotten one

New member
The days are long , and the nights i never see
Isolated in my cave , surrounded by empty echoing rooms
Life was once adventurous ,
Until friend became foe
is it a crime to speck ones mind


At least in my cave theres no whispering voices of backstabbing or pain
Still its strange ,
the only noise to be heard is , an aging heart losing the will to live


by tim wallace

thanks in advance

be brutally honest
 
It's a good poem, I can def identify with how you feel! You have a few errors however. Line 5 you wrote "speck" and I think you meant "speak"? Also you left out some apostrophes. And I think the last line should be broken up a bit more:

the only noise to be heard it
an aging heart
losing the will to live

it think it would be more powerful that way? Hope I helped. Keep writing!
 
Back
Top