Please read and tell me if I'm a good author?

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And if there's spelling mistakes, I don't care. I'll fix'em later.

This is just the first two parts. For more copy and paste/ re-type into adress bar- Loading-Error.Deviantart.com

"Wes! Wes!" Sam Lorance cried. "Wake up!" His brother, Wesley turned over in his bed and looked at the clock. "It's 5:30!" He cried as he pulled the covers over his head. "I wanna sleep!" "We have to get ready to go. We have to go early other wise it'll be dark when we set up camp." Sam said. Wesley sighed and threw the covers off the bed in a huff. "Fine!" He cried. "I'm taking a shower." "Can't." Sam said. "Why?" Wesley asked. "Riley's in there." Sam said. "Why would you get me up now if I can't shower?!" Welsey cried, throwing his hands in the air. Sam rolled his eyes. "Go downstairs and eat. Then you can shower." Wesley groaned and sulked down the stairs. Sam rolled his eyes again, with a smile, and followed him. Wesley walked to the bathroom door and pounded on it. "Hurry up, Riley!" He cried. "Almost done!" Riley cried back. Wesley sighed and sat at the table. "Why do girls always take forever in the bathroom?" He asked. His mother, Hannah, set down a bowl of cereal infront of him. "Because, we need time to beautify ourselves." She said with a smile. "Why can't you do it faster?" He whined. "Just eat, Wes." Sam said. "We don't have much time. The bus will be here in an hour." Wesley shoveled the cereal in his mouth as Riley walked out of the bathroom. She sat down at the table and Hannah set a bowl of cereal infront of her. "Thanks, mom." She said. She looked at Sam. "Excited?" She asked. Sam smiled. "Wicked!" He cried. "About time!" Wesley cried. He got out of his chair and walked into the bathroom. Riley smiled. "So, you are going to be chaperoned, right?" Hannah asked. "Yes, mom." Sam said. "Ms. Kendle is coming with our group. And Jordan, Oliver and Jesse. They're all 18." Hannah sighed. "And for how long, again?" Sam looked at her. "A week, mom. One week. You know that. It's the most anticipated trip of the year!" He said. "Mom, we'll be fine." Riley said. Hannah smiled. "I know." She said. "I'm going to miss you guys, that's all." Sam picked up his bowl and brought it into the kitchen. "We'll miss you too, mom." He said. Riley followed with a smile. "Even Wesley." Hannah smiled and kissed Riley's forehead. "Alright, go get your things." Riley ran up the stairs. "You'll look out for her, right?" Hannah asked quietly. Sam smiled. "Of course. She'll be fine." "And Wesley?" "I'll look out for him too. He needs it more then Ry does." Hannah hugged him. "Just be careful..." He hugged her tightly back and said, "Mom, you're acting like we've never been away from home before." "Well, not out in the woods where me or your father wasn't there. You haven't been camping... or even away from home for this long since he died." Sam looked down for a second, then back up at his mother. "We'll be fine." He said. "Dad died 7 months ago. I think it's time to... move on. You know?" Hannah rushed her hand through his black hair with a sad smile. "I know." She said. "I've been thinking that too..." He kissed his mother on the cheek and took her hand. "We'll be fine." He said again. She nodded and he turned and went up the stairs. After a second she walked over to the bathroom door and knocked. "Hurry up, Welsey. I know you haven't packed yet." "Just a sec, mom!" He called back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Riley, Wesley and Sam walked onto the bus. "Morning, Mr. Jutt." Sam said to the bus driver. "Good morning, Sam. Wesley. Riley." "Hi, Mr. Jutt." Riley said with a sweet smile. Wesley just passed by him without a glance and sat down in an empty row. Mr. Jutt smiled at Sam knowingly and Sam and Riley sat down. Sam sat next to Wesley and Riley sat next to her best friend, Skyler. "Morning." She said happily. "Good morning." Skyler replied. "I'm so excited!" Riley clapped. "Me too!" She cried. "Jamie's coming, right?" Skyler nodded and pulled out the list of people in their group. "Her and Payton, Asada, Christian, Kay, Avery, Ivy, Jordan and Embrey. Those are all the girls in our group." "Aww, Embrey? But, she's so evil!" Riley cried. "Who are the guys?" "Caiden, Sam, Wesley, Oliver, Sage, Benjie, Jesse and Elliot." "Ooh! Elliot?" Riley cried. "He's so much fun!" Skyler nodded. "I know, right?" She asked. "Why would Elliot ever want to hang out with you guys?" Embrey asked from behind them. They turned around and smiled. "Hey, Em. Nice to see you too." Riley said. "Just don't get any ideas about Elli, okay?" Embrey snapped. "Elli?" Skyler asked. "Who's that? Your dog?" Embrey rolled her eyes. "Turn around, Lobo." Embrey's friend Asada said. "Do you even know what that means?" Riley asked. "I don't care! Just turn around!" She cried. Riley rolled her eyes and they both turned around. "They're bright." She said. Skyler nodded. "Hi, Asada." Sam said.
 
Sorry if this is harsh, but my answer is a pretty strong no.

1. You need to break this up into PARAGRAPHS. There should be a separate paragraph for each person who speaks. A giant wall of text is hard to read and... frankly, tacky and annoying.

2. Literary language is at a minimum. Your grammar is decent, but I wasn't sucked in by your prose. At all.

Sorry. I couldn't even make it through the first giant paragraph.
 
There is waaay too much dialogue.
Dialogue is only semi-important when writing. Also, you've started it with the very very cliche beginning of waking up. Best way to start your writing is avoiding the cliches and minimizing the use of dialogue.
Perhaps go into intricate detail about them walking to the bus stop. You can get 2-3 lines out of that

Also, leave an indent between quotations.
 
you need indent when there is confersation between 2 ppl otherwise u are a talented writer
 
it was good!!! i think that you explain the story well!! and i think that you should keep writing!!!
 
it was good.
the only thing was that i had a hard time understanding it because there wasn't any spaces between the people talking. otherwise i liked it
 
Liz...

The lack of paragraphs is distressing, making it very difficult to read. The story needs to be more captivating. there are a lot of personalities but very little persona behind each one. Seems a little forced. I little more in-depth description of each character, description of the surrounding environment is important. Most new writers feel that this is boring or unnecessary, but pick up any popular book and you will see the proof. There is TONS of description which we tend to take in without realizing, but nevertheless adds character and believability to the story.

Also you have repetition of words (i.e "They TURNED AROUND and smiled" followed a little later with "I don't care! Just TURN AROUND!" She cried. Riley rolled her eyes and they both TURNED AROUND) You could possible have used "turned to face so and so", or "spun on their heels", to break the repetition somewhat. Another example would be about the number of times your character are "rolling their eyes".

Choice of words is very important. "Dad died 7 months ago" hmmm... Direct acknowledgment of a loss of a close family member? Not very believable. The following should sound better and easier to chew. Also lets you get closer to your characters:

"Mom, we HAVE been away from home before."

"Well, not out in the woods where your father and I weren't there. You've not been camping... or even away from home this long since he died."

Sam's eyes dropped. Why did she bring Dad up? It was hard thinking about him, and even harder remembering their family camping trips. He used to imagine his father being a great furry grizzly bear that would protect them from the shadows closing in around their campfire at night. And now he was gone.

He looked up at his mother, who was staring at him with that faraway look in her eyes. She once told him how much he looked like his father and he would catch her sometimes, her eyes scanning every detail of his face, searching for what they had both lost. He began to realize how hard this was for her.

"We'll be fine," he said softly. "Dad's not been gone that long, I know... just 7 months. But I think it's time to... move on. You know?"

Hannah ran her fingers through his thick black hair. "I know," she said with a sad smile. "I know..."

"We'll be fine," he said again, more to reassure himself this time than comfort his mother. She nodded and gave him a wane smile. He turned and sprinted upstairs.

Notice the addition of description and the feel it gives to the story. The background, character, relationship build-up between characters, the personalities you are able to bestow onto an otherwise superfluous character.

Liz, you've got a story to tell, just don't be afraid to let your mind "see" that story for you, and let your reader also see through your words.

Hope this helps
 
i relly like the story but i had a little trouble understanding who was talking. i used 2 do the same thing, so dont feel bad
 
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