p.s this is the middle of ch.1
You dont have to read the second paragraph, but please tell me which one you read or if you read both and critque. Thanks
“I love your sweater," Massie sneered, nudging Chloe as she eased by. Maybe Massie’s anti-Chloe resolve was broken by some mild tranquilizing vapor seeping out of the ventilation vent along with the air-freshening perfume. Maybe there were subliminal messages in the upbeat, impersonal music softly floating around the packed corridors. Maybe it finally seemed stupid to care so much about the high school social system. Chloe began to expect, though, that Massie’s thoughts were not gathering at all, that if they even existed, they were drifting through her head like lurching strangers on a moving train. When all of a sudden, they were interrupted by a hoard of shrieking bubbly, platinum blondes, practically Barbie-doll proportions in their skimpy minidresses, who looked like they had made a wrong turn on their way to the Playboy mansion. All silicon and rubber-lipped, it was probably a bad idea for them to stand so close to the school’s heat lamps in case they started melting. So often in books, or in movies, one character looks at another character and understands in a precise way what that other person is feeling. So often in real life, one person desires to be understood, but obscures her feelings with completely unrelated words and facial expressions, while the other person is trying to remember whether she did or didn’t turn off the burner under the hard-boiled eggs. Massie Spears. Totally gorgeous, totally loaded, the totally lethal subject of society columns and of most BlackBerry High School gossip. A billionaire heiress, Massie was not only a spoiled-brat wild child, she was also Chloe’s sworn enemy. Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy- in fact, they're almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil and it is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. Hatred, by a gradual and quiet process, will even be transformed to love, unless the change be impeded by a continually new irritation of the original feeling of hostility. Love sees sharp, hatred sees even more sharp, but love sees sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time. Hate is a strong word, Chloe preferred others to describe Massie: conniving bitch, evil manipulator, non-benevolent dictator, shallow label whore, hateful wasp, repulsive slut, horrible actress onscreen (but amazing off-screen ironically!) . . . and two faced child of a horrible camera whore! Turns out sucking down one too many sugary sweet custom cocktails could not only influence her to bat her eyelashes at boys with fake IDs and give hickeys to her dates in public, but given the right antagonist, she could even throw an ignorant punch. On the other hand, genuine ignorance is profitable because it is likely to be accompanied by humility, curiosity, and open mindedness; whereas ability to repeat catch-phrases, geometry terms, familiar propositions, gives the conceit of learning and coats the mind with varnish waterproof to new ideas. She acted incredibly friendly to the environment but drove a gas-guzzling SUV and littered like it was going out of style faster than trucker hats did oh-so-long-ago. Massie thought that everyone could be bought off- because she had the money to do so . . . Really, the only thing she hadn’t done yet was murder puppies and kittens and sell the skins to Chinese black-market fur-traders!
Falling into her daydreams, Chloe envisioned herself as a striking picture of sensuality, passionately launching into a set beneath the spotlights of a cavernous stage. She transformed into a sexual provocateur adorned in a barely there sparkling bikini-like top and matching pants so tight they appeared painted on. Shots of the sweat running down her tanned, toned midriff flashed up on the giant screens flanking the stage as she writhed back-and-forth, giggling, twirling, and groaning. The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one instant you feel with your entire soul that the dream is actuality, and it really happened. Life is never easy for those who dream; people spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within. Happy, is a word so close to our hearts. In fact, happiness is a worldwide subject of discussions. Being happy is a topic of searchers and researchers for ages. While total happiness is a choice for us to experience at any given moment
You dont have to read the second paragraph, but please tell me which one you read or if you read both and critque. Thanks
“I love your sweater," Massie sneered, nudging Chloe as she eased by. Maybe Massie’s anti-Chloe resolve was broken by some mild tranquilizing vapor seeping out of the ventilation vent along with the air-freshening perfume. Maybe there were subliminal messages in the upbeat, impersonal music softly floating around the packed corridors. Maybe it finally seemed stupid to care so much about the high school social system. Chloe began to expect, though, that Massie’s thoughts were not gathering at all, that if they even existed, they were drifting through her head like lurching strangers on a moving train. When all of a sudden, they were interrupted by a hoard of shrieking bubbly, platinum blondes, practically Barbie-doll proportions in their skimpy minidresses, who looked like they had made a wrong turn on their way to the Playboy mansion. All silicon and rubber-lipped, it was probably a bad idea for them to stand so close to the school’s heat lamps in case they started melting. So often in books, or in movies, one character looks at another character and understands in a precise way what that other person is feeling. So often in real life, one person desires to be understood, but obscures her feelings with completely unrelated words and facial expressions, while the other person is trying to remember whether she did or didn’t turn off the burner under the hard-boiled eggs. Massie Spears. Totally gorgeous, totally loaded, the totally lethal subject of society columns and of most BlackBerry High School gossip. A billionaire heiress, Massie was not only a spoiled-brat wild child, she was also Chloe’s sworn enemy. Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy- in fact, they're almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil and it is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. Hatred, by a gradual and quiet process, will even be transformed to love, unless the change be impeded by a continually new irritation of the original feeling of hostility. Love sees sharp, hatred sees even more sharp, but love sees sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time. Hate is a strong word, Chloe preferred others to describe Massie: conniving bitch, evil manipulator, non-benevolent dictator, shallow label whore, hateful wasp, repulsive slut, horrible actress onscreen (but amazing off-screen ironically!) . . . and two faced child of a horrible camera whore! Turns out sucking down one too many sugary sweet custom cocktails could not only influence her to bat her eyelashes at boys with fake IDs and give hickeys to her dates in public, but given the right antagonist, she could even throw an ignorant punch. On the other hand, genuine ignorance is profitable because it is likely to be accompanied by humility, curiosity, and open mindedness; whereas ability to repeat catch-phrases, geometry terms, familiar propositions, gives the conceit of learning and coats the mind with varnish waterproof to new ideas. She acted incredibly friendly to the environment but drove a gas-guzzling SUV and littered like it was going out of style faster than trucker hats did oh-so-long-ago. Massie thought that everyone could be bought off- because she had the money to do so . . . Really, the only thing she hadn’t done yet was murder puppies and kittens and sell the skins to Chinese black-market fur-traders!
Falling into her daydreams, Chloe envisioned herself as a striking picture of sensuality, passionately launching into a set beneath the spotlights of a cavernous stage. She transformed into a sexual provocateur adorned in a barely there sparkling bikini-like top and matching pants so tight they appeared painted on. Shots of the sweat running down her tanned, toned midriff flashed up on the giant screens flanking the stage as she writhed back-and-forth, giggling, twirling, and groaning. The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one instant you feel with your entire soul that the dream is actuality, and it really happened. Life is never easy for those who dream; people spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within. Happy, is a word so close to our hearts. In fact, happiness is a worldwide subject of discussions. Being happy is a topic of searchers and researchers for ages. While total happiness is a choice for us to experience at any given moment
