I am an english learner, this is a diary I wrote, Please don't be reluctant to give some suggestions, which sentences should I revise and how should I revise them?
diary:
It was a usual day, by date it was the Thanks-giving day in the West. I was swamped with my arduous work; my mind swimming with petty worries. It was a lonely day, a day so lonely that I could not even breathe, for the burden on my nerves.
I was not able to focus myself on my homework while mourning for the suffering. Time left for me was so limited, I was like a trapped wild beast, longing for the outside; yearning for a world that had been cut off from me for so long.
For the moment, I heard a strange word hovering around my ears: You deserver it.
I grabbed a slice of chocolate and put it into my mouth. With the sound of crushing, I filled my mind with the strange tastes of the bad chocolate and wish the sound could go away. I succeeded.
With tiny joy emerging in my mind, I made an attempt to shift my attention to the paper before me, but the images of the dead body and bloody mess still remains in me. I can stay at peace and champion justice but, with an impartial heart, this could only last for a short time. The memories cannot be wiped off; nor were they ever meant to be.
The voice came back over me again, 10 times louder, and 10 times powerful. This time by simply ignoring it can't do the job.
The voice was demanding an answer. I grinned contemptuously.
"You will never get it." This is the only reply I can offer.
Rain started falling. Despite short-sightedness, I always possessed a keen sense for the rain, so I could tell its existence without seeing it. I could always hear it no matter how weak or fragile its sound was.
On that day, my nose prevailed over my eyes again. As the arising excitement brought by the rain replaced the haunting and daunting voice hovering around me, I strode over to the window and opened it. Though I could not see the raindrops clearly, I knew they were beautiful. I hope this will not be just another shower. I hope it will stay long enough to wet all the ground and clear the polluted sky.
I don't know why, but every time when I saw rain I deem it to be the sign of the coming of the end-----the end to everything; the end of the world. In my heart rain stands for purity.
I shut the screen but left the window open, so I would still be able to listen to the rain.
The homework was not hard for most people, but not for me. My brain seemed crippled and twisted by the continuous striking of the strange voice. I forgot to tell you as soon as I seated myself the voice appeared again.
I raised my body. Keep standing was just an effort I made to discern which direction the sound came from. While I stood up, some object on the window catched my eyes. It was a clow; a clow that was resting on the window of my book room. Nothing here seems more striking than this black bird; this tiny pitiful bird was seen as the messenger of misfortune for centuries. As a result, it's quite understandable most people's first reaction when seeing a crow is turning away. Rarely, I am an uncommon guy holding no prejudice against this tiny creature. So I decided not to interfere in the crow's rest.
I had already given up my homework. I just sat in the chair, motionless, my blank eyes looking ahead. I heard another sound, a much more concrete one. I fixed my eyes on the crow, it was him that was making this sound.
Oh, it was trying to get in through the window; what a pitiful bird! I could tell from what I heard the rain was getting heavier. Now even my short-sighted eyes could clearly see the raindrops, they were so concentrated and so powerful.
It turned out that the little crow was seeking a shelter; a shelter that guards him from the heavy rain.
Should I let it in?
Thank you very much for your advice.
If I just want to write in this dramatic way? Could you please tell me if the grammars I use are correct and the sentence I structured are acceptable.
Thanks again.
diary:
It was a usual day, by date it was the Thanks-giving day in the West. I was swamped with my arduous work; my mind swimming with petty worries. It was a lonely day, a day so lonely that I could not even breathe, for the burden on my nerves.
I was not able to focus myself on my homework while mourning for the suffering. Time left for me was so limited, I was like a trapped wild beast, longing for the outside; yearning for a world that had been cut off from me for so long.
For the moment, I heard a strange word hovering around my ears: You deserver it.
I grabbed a slice of chocolate and put it into my mouth. With the sound of crushing, I filled my mind with the strange tastes of the bad chocolate and wish the sound could go away. I succeeded.
With tiny joy emerging in my mind, I made an attempt to shift my attention to the paper before me, but the images of the dead body and bloody mess still remains in me. I can stay at peace and champion justice but, with an impartial heart, this could only last for a short time. The memories cannot be wiped off; nor were they ever meant to be.
The voice came back over me again, 10 times louder, and 10 times powerful. This time by simply ignoring it can't do the job.
The voice was demanding an answer. I grinned contemptuously.
"You will never get it." This is the only reply I can offer.
Rain started falling. Despite short-sightedness, I always possessed a keen sense for the rain, so I could tell its existence without seeing it. I could always hear it no matter how weak or fragile its sound was.
On that day, my nose prevailed over my eyes again. As the arising excitement brought by the rain replaced the haunting and daunting voice hovering around me, I strode over to the window and opened it. Though I could not see the raindrops clearly, I knew they were beautiful. I hope this will not be just another shower. I hope it will stay long enough to wet all the ground and clear the polluted sky.
I don't know why, but every time when I saw rain I deem it to be the sign of the coming of the end-----the end to everything; the end of the world. In my heart rain stands for purity.
I shut the screen but left the window open, so I would still be able to listen to the rain.
The homework was not hard for most people, but not for me. My brain seemed crippled and twisted by the continuous striking of the strange voice. I forgot to tell you as soon as I seated myself the voice appeared again.
I raised my body. Keep standing was just an effort I made to discern which direction the sound came from. While I stood up, some object on the window catched my eyes. It was a clow; a clow that was resting on the window of my book room. Nothing here seems more striking than this black bird; this tiny pitiful bird was seen as the messenger of misfortune for centuries. As a result, it's quite understandable most people's first reaction when seeing a crow is turning away. Rarely, I am an uncommon guy holding no prejudice against this tiny creature. So I decided not to interfere in the crow's rest.
I had already given up my homework. I just sat in the chair, motionless, my blank eyes looking ahead. I heard another sound, a much more concrete one. I fixed my eyes on the crow, it was him that was making this sound.
Oh, it was trying to get in through the window; what a pitiful bird! I could tell from what I heard the rain was getting heavier. Now even my short-sighted eyes could clearly see the raindrops, they were so concentrated and so powerful.
It turned out that the little crow was seeking a shelter; a shelter that guards him from the heavy rain.
Should I let it in?
Thank you very much for your advice.
If I just want to write in this dramatic way? Could you please tell me if the grammars I use are correct and the sentence I structured are acceptable.
Thanks again.
