Please comment on my writing! <3 <3?

TwiHard

New member
PROLOGUE

WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME?
I felt paralyzed—Unable to speak, unable to move, despite the fact that I was perfectly alert and conscious, I just couldn’t get my brain to send the right signals through my body to do anything! Or maybe I could send the signals, but I still couldn’t budge a fraction of an inch. But in that moment, all I could feel was panic in it’s most concentrated formula, and the strongest fear imaginable. But this situation was beyond my wildest imaginings, impossible. All I could see were the red eyes above me, slowly coming down, and the fluid, swift movements of the intruder. He moved silently, probing, analyzing. Like a killer; the killer. The killer of the night…

Understanding dawned upon me. I was being attacked. Not the way you’d expect, not by a burglar with a dagger, or a gun. I wasn’t the victim. No, not this time. This was far, far worse: I was the prey. This was a vampire attack. I would be slowly and pitilessly drained of…
And that’s when he attacked.

yes, well, its another one of tjose vampire things....
i really need your comments!
also, i need a beutiful, uncommon, slightly european name for my protagonist!
Yes Im a big fan of twilight, no im not trying to copy it, ive been writing for a long time, i just like the idea of vampires. And this is just part of the prologue. normally i dont make as many typos, but right now, i just really dont care
 
Ok, well its good. I think that you have potential. BUT *dramatic pause* You need to get away from the Twilight, thoughts. Other than that! good job!!!! keep writing. post it on Fanfiction.com anf then you will get better and start writing more in your own style
 
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