Please check out my re-write. Any comments?

Aquarius35

New member
HIDE AND SEEK

So let's play hide and seek! It's fun and easy
To run from the world and all the prying eyes,
To make for a secret solitary place
Behind a wall, under the tree, or somewhere
In the festering dump. Wait out your time
Listening as the shouts of laughter or triumph
Fade into distance as the daylight wanes.

And at last the silence and the cold
Provoke you to risk a return
(Because surely you've won by now?)
But the darkness clings like fog,
And in these empty unfamiliar streets
The game has died.
 
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