pills are ruining my life

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greeneyes1

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I am a hydrocodone and soma addict. I have worked up to sometimes 20 lorcet and 20 soma a day. I know this is dangerous for my liver, but I just can't seem to stop. I've depleted my savings, and have lived in fear of that day because it will mean that I have to stop. I am trying, as of yesterday, to wean down, and already have severe withdrawals. I know I have to stop. I don't even feel the effects of them anymore. I just take them to feel normal. I want to be free of these horrible pills which have almost cost me my marriage, have seriously interfered with my job, and have made me look 20 years older than I actually am. I don't care about anything anymore. My house is never clean, I never buy new clothes, I don't even take good care of my pets, which I love dearly. I want my life back. I guess I am just here for encouragement, as I know I will have to do this myself. I'm afraid...Afraid that I will never be normal again. I have been thinking about death alot, and even dreamed about dying...I actually dreamed that I saw hell. I feel desperate and hopeless, like these drugs have killed my soul. I am so tired of living like this. I look at other people around me who seem to enjoy all the things I used to enjoy, and wish I could be like them. I have lost interest in everything. I can't imagine the depression that will certainly follow my quitting, but I don't think anything can be worse than what I'm feeling now. Anyway, thank you for listening. I've read some posts, and find that this forum has some wonderful, understanding people...people who want to help. I hope you all know how much I appreciate you today. If anyone can tell me how to do this...how to survive this...I would appreciate any responses. I just want my life back. Thank you for your time.
 
I completely understand your feelings - all of them. Not being able to stop, living in fear, not caring about anything anymore -feeling desperate, hopeless. I felt that way for many years, as my addiction to percocet steadily increased. The thought of having to stop terrified me! I feel much more confident and less afraid since I began tapering. I feel like I have control now, not the pills. It's a good feeling! I actually feel some pride in what I have been able to accomplish, although I have a long way to go.

As you read all the posts here, you will find so much hope and inspiration from people who have been where you are and are now living drug free. You have come to the right place.

Best wishes,
TF
 
I was in your shoes about 1 month ago. But now believe it or not I almost feel
normal. I surly feel better. I too was taking about 10 to 15 hydro a day to try to feel good. When waking I took 4 and was in pain from the pills.
If you can make it 7 to 10 day you will feel much better. Withdrawals are different for every person.
Some might say It's crazy but I started acupuncture for about a weak now and it has really helped me. Don't give up I was on this site many hours and days before I ever posted or even tried to stop. There are great people on here with lost of experience. Keep posting DON'T GIVE UP!
 
Oh hon, I've been where you are - exactly. I remeraber having to tell my husband that I spent my savings. I hated admitting that so bad!!

I was the biggest wimp out there, but once I told my hubby, I had no choice but to go through with getting clean, he would have thrown me out of our house if I had fallen off the wagon. Is there anything you can do to give yourself no way out of "cleaning up"? I told all my connections that I had told my hubby and that he was looking to have people arrested. After that, no-one would have lent me a baby aspirin :) Face it, we are addicts and and will backslide and relapse if possible. You need to make it as hard for yourself to get those pills as you possibly can. If you find yourself unwilling to do something so drastic, you have to ask yourself why you aren't willing to do it. . . is there some part of you that doesn't really want to quit?

You must want to quit - have no reservations about it. If you do, then you can do it for sure!! You'll be very sick, but just keep reminding yourself that it is something you have to do through in order to be well again :) Just don't take a pill and after about two weeks, you'll be on the other side of it and proud of yourself for doing it. Have you ever had withdrawals before?

walkersma
 
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