Partners mood swings making my life a misery, what should I do?

S

Sally

New member
I have been with my partner 13 years since I was 19. I am now 32 and he is 34. I do love him very much and about half of the time he is a really great guy to be around however he does have long spells where his personality really changes he becomes hyper critical of everything, especially me e.g. I recently bought a pair of trousers and hemmed them just a little too short every time I wore them he would stare at them and make snide little comments about how stupid I looked. He looks me up and down in a critical fashion and when I ask him what the matter is he says "nothing" but in an odd tone it's almost like he is making fun of me and trying to belittle me. He also uses more language like calling me a stupid woman and useless or always talking to me in an accusing bickering tone. He just seems in a bad mood all the time and a misery about everything. Admittedly it is not really just me he is like this with but his family as well. He becomes meaner than usual only buying the cheapest bargins at the supermarket and becomes very controlling of what I spend as well. He goes around unplugging every lamp or electrical thing in the house when it is not in use (turned off) as he thinks it will save money.

I have tried to talk to him and ask him if he is ok at work or in himself but he always says everything is fine. He has been having spells like this for about 10 years now and he may well come out of it anytime. It may last a couple or weeks or a couple of months and then he is back to being the sweet easy going guy I love. However these mood swings just don't seem to be going away and I don't know how much longer I can cope with him. His father is the way he is when he is in a bad mood all the time and I worry if he will end up like that? He finds it hard to talk about his feelings and so I'm sure he must be angry or so on when he gets like this but if we don't talk about it we can resolve it.

I do love him but when he gets like this I do think of ending the relationship but I value our 13 years together and I guess a part of me is afraid of being single again at 32 for the first time since I was a teenager.

Really I'd like to make it work with him but I can't bare his mood swings any longer. What do you advise?
Interesting about the Thyroid thing. His dad has hypothyroidism actually.
 
Too bad you are having to deal with that. Being in love and having your spouse tell you that you are useless! That is a horrible feeling! The last person we need to hear that from, is our spouse. They are supposed to be, I suppose, our protector, our best friend.
When it comes to love, we are supposed to lift each other up, not put them down.
Call me a hopeless romantic if you will, but it's true and it does exist!

I have 2 scenarios to offer you.

1) He could be doing drugs! I was in a relationship in the past, where my husband was on meth. He was nice half the time, mean the other half. To make a really long story short, after time went on, it got to where there was no nice at all. It was all bad, 24/7. That could be 1 thing that's going on.

2) He could be suffering with depression. He might be bi polar!
It seems like lots of people are nowadays. When someone is bipolar, they go through a lot of anger. If I were you, I would look up "bipolar" on the internet and see if any of the symptoms match the way he has been acting. If it does, I would discuss it with him, maybe he needs to see a doctor, who can treat it. No one should have to go through life suffering, when there is help out there.

If he doesn't want to have it checked out, he should seek therapy. Maybe being able to talk to someone about the way he is feeling, would help him figure out what's going on in his head. Who knows, it could help him figure out and deal with his problem. If he doesn't want too, just tell him, he needs to do it for you, because you are really tired of dealing with his mood swings. He is going to have to.
I bet he is depressed.

If he doesn't, you have to ask yourself if you really want to live the rest of your life being treated like a nothing. Even if it isn't all the tine, it's bringing your self esteem down. I believe that ladies should be treated with respect and dignity. He should cherish you, as you do him. If a man can't give me that, then I choose to be alone. Life is hard enough without me giving my all and my feelings being stepped on!

I hope everything works out, but he can't get better without help from a professional. Unless he is just a jerk. Some people are just that way.
You know if your husband is or not tho.

I wish you the bet and I truly hope he gets the help and the two of you are happy once again, like you deserve!! =-)

LiVe lOvE LaUgH...............................................
 
Sounds like I used to be when I was suffering depression. It's pretty nasty the things he is doing to you. He is sounding manipulative and a little bitchy. I'm not sure I would have stayed this long so you are stronger than me.

Is there a chance you could go to a marriage counsellor? It really helped my marriage smooth out.

I think it is important that he knows how the things he is saying make you feel. If you tell him and he doesn't seem to care he is hurting you then it may be time to ask for time apart. Absence can make the heart grow fonder. It will also give you time to see how life without his mood swings will be.

I hope you can find a solution to this and find some peace.
 
You need first to eliminate the health related issues. Sounds like it's getting worse with age so he needs to have a check up for: Diabetes, thyroid, blood, depression etc.

People with diabetes get really moody and can be vicious when they talk. It comes and goes the way you're saying.

If your husband is given a clean bill of health then the only answer left is this is Him, this is the person he is becoming, it's his personality and he could try to work it out in therapy (don't hold your breath with that one, men don't go to therapy, they see it as being weak).

I know 13 years is a long time with someone but when we get married we get no guarantee. I have divorced after 12 years because he turned into someone I didn't love or even like anymore. It's life.

ADD: Some of hypothyroidism symptoms are depression & irritability.
 
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