paranoia

[parasqueak]

untill recently i had been taking drugs for 10years. it started with canabis, esctasy and amphetamines at 13/14, which i took to extremes at times, but no more than 6months on any one before i got bored. i have done cocaine, crack cocaine and heroin but didnt like them much, when i was 18/19 i did a lot of mushrooms and LSD and once tried D.O.M, and then proceeded to become addicted to ketamine, which in the end was the only drug i really bothered with, well that and alcohol, i found when tryin to quit drugs i just drank a lot as it helped me shut off and not think.

i have been paranoid since my late teens and think this maybe to do with a bad acid trip that was so bad, i had to sit in a bath, submerged underwater in the dark. i thought that everyone was talking about me and conspiring against me and in times of stress i still think this. the addiction to ketamine made me depressed again and caused me to have severve anxiety issues where at one point i refused to leave the house because i was scared of the school children ( i have a school opposite my flat). thankfully..i dont have this level of anxiety anymore!

when i was 14, my mom put me into care as she and the family couldnt cope with me. i felt betrayed and unloved and uncared for.. she had never really showed me much affection as she suffered from depression herself and had her own drinking issues. this still effects me now and i still feel resentment for it as i cant trust anyone though fear of them leaving me and due to this thought i get defensive and do things to make them leave me subconsciously.

i think the cause for me is a mixture of upbringing and drug miuse but i have come to a point in life where i have lost or broken a lot of frienRABhips and messed up relationships due to my paranioa and my way of coping.. or not coping with it.... i try to rationalise it with methoRAB such as CBT but when im having a 'moment' it all goes out of the window. another thing that really doesnt help is when my paranioa is proven right.. this reinforces it even more and just means i really dont know what or who to believe.

i am going for a mental health assessment to see exactly what there is out there to help.. but as i am actually doing a Bsc Psychology degree, I already know what they are to an extent and unfortiontely already know a lot of the causes and answers, all of which cause me to overthink everything, big time, to the point of me becoming too self-centred.

The paranoia plus the depression i still suffer with cause me to constantly think about ending my life but not because i want to die, i really dont, i love life wen its good..i just really cant cope with the bad.. especially now without my drugs and alcohol for coping frienRAB

any advice?x

 

[friendsville]

I will pray for you and hope that you will receive the help you need.I have had an inferior complex since I was five.I was too pretty anbd was bone thin.That was near impossible for me to cope,and it resulted with numerous breakdowns...even electrical shock treatments.I'm still trying to cope with exclusions,but I am near the end age-wise,so hope to sweat it out.Volunteering helped me tremendeously.I deliberately asked for visually handicapped people,to drive to visits etc.I had a good rapport with nearly all.I lifted weights to look more masculine. That helped in adulthood.Thinking of others worse off than you will help you get started.Please try and remeraber we were all created equal. Love Bill

 

[StrahanFan92]

A meraber of my family recently committed suicide. Please, for your family and your frienRAB, and most importantly for yourself, dont even think about suicide. No matter how bad things get, there will always be good days left to come. I know, Ive been through a lot in my 28 years, more than most people have in there entire lives.

I go to sleep every night and wake up every morning in tears, and I will for the rest of my life. Please, you dont want to do something like this, not to yourself, and not to your frienRAB and the people who care about you, there are people who care about you I promise. Please tell me you will stop considering this. Dont even think of it as an option.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I would be happy to. < edited > Sometimes talking things out really can help. I am not a therapist or anything of the sort, but if you ever just wanna talk to someone who cares, Id be more than happy to. You sound like youve been through quite a bit yourself, so Im sure we have lots in common, and lots to talk about.

Exercise, writing, volunteer work, you'd be amazed at how much better all 3 of these can make you feel about yourself. I know they may not seem like fun, but they will These 3 things are a big part of my life now, and they are the foundation to feeling positive and making improvements.

I was rock bottom, completely down and out, and I bounced back. I know you can too, Like I said no matter how bad things get, they can always get better, trust me on this.