shakiliah.lt15
New member
basically... i used to smoke weed a lot and have never really had a close family. i know i have paranoia, and so far i've put it down to these reasons.
its got to the point where i can't walk down the street with out thinking that everyone is staring at me and talking about me, i have never been able to speak to any of my friends about it simply because i don't trust anyone! i am always looking over my shoulder. i just feel like any minute, something really bad is going to happen and i'm going to die or something. i find it really hard to have a normal conversation with anyone. my friends are great but i think im just known as the weird one.. which doesn't seem to bother me too much because my friends have stuck around for years which kind of makes me feel a little better when i think about it. i know my family hate me because my mum decided about a year ago to kick me out.. literally for no legitimate reason other than she bought a tredmill and my room needed to get turned into their gym. i have always found it really hard to show any sort of emotion, mmaybe thats just down to the way i was brought up but it just makes me feel completely trapped! everyone is moving on and growing up and in myself i can feel the old me trying to get out but i just can't do it! there doesn't seem to be a way out!
this has been going on for at least 3 years now and to be honest i don't know how ive made it that long without others noticing something...
i have managed on only one occasion to make a doctors appointment but neer been able to walk in the actual building! its really frustrating! i honestly feel like i will be stuck like this for the rest of my life.. completely stuck as i know i will never be able to get help, because there is no other way than to go and speak to someone about it...
i don't even know why i''ve bothered writing on here to be honest because i can't imagine it changing anything for me.
although if anyone has felt the same in anyway, and would like to offer some sort of advise. i'll be pretty grateful...
its got to the point where i can't walk down the street with out thinking that everyone is staring at me and talking about me, i have never been able to speak to any of my friends about it simply because i don't trust anyone! i am always looking over my shoulder. i just feel like any minute, something really bad is going to happen and i'm going to die or something. i find it really hard to have a normal conversation with anyone. my friends are great but i think im just known as the weird one.. which doesn't seem to bother me too much because my friends have stuck around for years which kind of makes me feel a little better when i think about it. i know my family hate me because my mum decided about a year ago to kick me out.. literally for no legitimate reason other than she bought a tredmill and my room needed to get turned into their gym. i have always found it really hard to show any sort of emotion, mmaybe thats just down to the way i was brought up but it just makes me feel completely trapped! everyone is moving on and growing up and in myself i can feel the old me trying to get out but i just can't do it! there doesn't seem to be a way out!
this has been going on for at least 3 years now and to be honest i don't know how ive made it that long without others noticing something...
i have managed on only one occasion to make a doctors appointment but neer been able to walk in the actual building! its really frustrating! i honestly feel like i will be stuck like this for the rest of my life.. completely stuck as i know i will never be able to get help, because there is no other way than to go and speak to someone about it...
i don't even know why i''ve bothered writing on here to be honest because i can't imagine it changing anything for me.
although if anyone has felt the same in anyway, and would like to offer some sort of advise. i'll be pretty grateful...