Out Of Detox Half Off drugs :( But day 5 days no drinking!!

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mindy1974

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Trying to see the glass half full and feel great full for the help i did get and not obsessing on not getting what i wanted - witch was 100% off all drugs. I walked in with nasty DT'S and opiate and benzo withdrawal--oh yes and adderal WD. i'm going to keep writing so that i can see my progress, so that i can see some change and not let my addict tell me that "i'm never going to get better, i deserve to take a drink or have a few extra pills, i should not have to be in this amount of pain" Blaa Blaa Bull***t!
i DID come out off booze, speed, and vidcodine, and sleeping pills. That is great, that is what i need to focus on.
my insurance would only cover me for 3 days and the doctors said that was not enough time to take me off all my junk.
so 10 mg's of vicodine and 4 tramadol (sp). they gave me a very slow taper schedule because i could seizure and cant take the anti seizure meRAB.
i have the chils, legs pain, all my joints are achey. mood swings are intense. i feel sad this morning because i want so much to feel like my old self. my secret is out with a few people, and that helps. i have to focus on how great is to wake up sober, no bottles around me, no black out.
my nightmare are honorific, and i cry right away when i wake up, so i must move my body right away and not sit alone with my evil thoughts. move, move , move...
 
the nightmares are so overwhelming when i first wake up. i remeraber how i was relieved i was after the nightmares passed. i wake up sick, fluish with a headache, and deep depression. i used the most powerful tool i know of yet. i tried to keep busy. i MADE myself get in the pool and just move my body. it was only when i would sit down that i would feel the sickness roll over me, the tears would fall the hopelessness and the drug seaking thoughts would return. thoughts of drinking. i hate addiction, i hate tapering, i hate my thinking!
 
keeping bust but staying close to the bathroom. so thirsty all the time and still sweaty. trying not to think about the dreams i'm going to have tonight...
 
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