our son-in-law doesnt like coming to family get togethers he does with his own

99.9% of the son-in-laws, and daughter-in-laws I hear from, who avoid their spouses family, do so because one of the family members inevitably makes comments to them they find insulting, condescending, belittling, or rude.

You had best ask your daughter if this is the case, an an apologetic manner so as not to get her guard up.
 
I understand your feelings. I your son-in-law doesn't want to come over to your house, there must be a reason for it as much as he might say there's none. Best thing to do; confront him ans ask him what bothers him. That's the only way you will know.
 
Is he new to the family?Because it'd take time for people to warm up to a new company. Maybe he is simply not comfortable being around in-laws because he probably felt scrutinized in his every move. Don't confront him, he might take it differently. Talk to your daughter, she may know why. And the next time he comes over, make him feel comfortable by not fuzzing too much on everything he does or say. Overall, just treat him like one of your kids.
 
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