opiate withdrawl...yes, another one :0)

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skamonkey

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hello all. this is my first time posting. I'm 21, going to be 22 on the 1st. I have a severe drug problem that only my ex-boyfriend knows about. As he is no longer any help to me and would probably just slam the door in my face if i did ask him for help, i have no where to turn. This whole entire year I was telling myself 'I want to be clean for my birthday' and here i am, its deceraber 27th and i just survived my first 30 hours as a clean and sober individual. I hate this, serisouly if it was convenient for me to get anything right now, i would. but i cannot hassle with it and so i now know that this is pretty much judgement day. I read the post from the administrator, about the at home detox thing. If I do try anyone of those things listed...or just go cold turkey as i have been (I took 2 tylenol pmsand a benadryl last night, they only worked until about 5:00 in the the morning when i awoke and began to panic. I just took four 200 mg ibueprofen.) I know that the detox only gets worse and i have no suboxen to substitute for anything. im just wondering, is it totally unreaslistic to think that i will be clean by the first? im just so scared and my mother already thinnks im a horrible person, without knowing about my drug problem and the small ounce of pride i have left will not let me disclose my darkest secret. i really have no where to turn, and like i said, i just cannot hassle with trying to find anything...that was always my ex's job and i would just feel too grimy to go calling people...or maybe thats just my subconcious telling me its a bad idea, b/c i know any person i call will do anything for me if it benefits them, and money or drugs always benefits another addict. anyway...back to my question... Is it totally unrealistic of me or will i be spending my birthday on a toilet, shivering and crawling out of my skin...btw, ive been an addict for 3 years
 
so I just re-read what i posted and I really feel sad. I completely relapsed, on EVERYTHING. The day after i wrote this i called my ex- and BEGGED him for suboxone, which he had and gave me. I was on them for 3 days. 'I did it' I thought, but the fear of spending my birthday alone drove me right back to him...and OF COURSE he asked me to come over for new years...and being the weak person I am, I did. I should have just stayed home and had a ridiculously boring birthday... but instead I went out, and did more drugs than i had in a month and haven't stopped since. I'm very ashamed to even post this...but maybe someone will read it and identify with it and see that it is a HORRIBLE pattern to get caught up in and will think twice before going back to old drug frienRAB. I need to stop... i know that much...
 
Hi, I've been in your shoes. I've had clean time, and then went back out and did more drugs in two weeks than I've done in a month. It's ok. Relapse is a part of our recovery. Now you can learn from this. Drugs have a tight grip on you, and you feel that you can't have fun or be "normal' w/out them. I know the feeling. Been there. I am on suboxone, and it helps me stay clean. The first thing you need to do is WANT to quit. You then need to go through your phone and erase all those nurabers that are no good. These people don't care about you. Only you do. Detox is difficult it will seem to keep getting worse the first week, but after that it will gradually get better. Believe me. Once you are done with two weeks clean you will start to feel like your old self again, and remeraber what life is like w/out drugs. During withdrawals take hot baths, drink alot of water and gatorade, stay hydrated, go for walks, take ibuprofen, and take multi vitamins. All these things can help you. Remeber that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and all you need to do is not pick up that drug. One day at atime. Hope this helps. I will pray for you!
 
Skamonkey How have you been feeling, I haven't seen you post in several days. I was just worried about you. Take care Lyn :angel:
 
thanks for caring angel... I'm here and alive. I want to quit....and i have before....but I just keep going back to this...i have a meeting with a suboxone doctor this friday...so hopefully my insurance will kick in and I will be able to afford the script...until then...i will continue this whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, praying for the strength to just say no... thanks for the kind worRAB and encouragement...
 
Day 2 is alot worse than day 1 but after day 3 you will start feeling alot better. Check out the homedetox thread on the top of the page and be strong you will get thru it
 
skamonkey How are you doing? I have seen a post in several days unless it is in another spot. Did you end up going to the "suboxone" doctor. Tell me all about it, If you feel like it. I am thinking about you Lyn :angel:
 
I'll be totally honest with you, I'm not an addict and have not had to come off of drugs. I am a CP patient and am Med Dependent on Several very strong Narcotics that someday I will have to detox from.

What I can offer you is this...you are not a bad person. You are strong enough to do this. You have made the biggest and smartest decision in your life and you have the strength to see it through. So take it an hour at a time if you have to and be kind to yourself, spending your 22nd year as a clean and sober person will be the best gift you can ever give yourself.
 
thanks for the kind worRAB... im on day 3 right now, the pain is worse than ever...and i got really reflective for some reason and kind of remerabered who I used to be and that I didn't need drugs to feel okay. I really think I can do this, but i dont want this pain to get any worse. I think it might be ok....
 
I'm new to these boarRAB. I read your message and just wanted to let you know I'm going through basically the same thing. I've been taking prescription opiate meRAB for years and finally realized they weren't helping with the pain and the drugs and dosages had been increased and increased. I started decrementing the dosage, patches, early this summer because I didn't want to go cold turkey. I don't know if that was the brightest thing to do or not. Everyone is different and you are younger than I am, but it seems to take a few months for me to get back together after I decrease the dose. The worst pain is the muscle 'cramping', with I call muscle seizing. However, I did not do my homework before I lowered the doses. I made the mistake of only asking my doctors. I think if I would have read more from others, like from this site, I would have been better prepared. I certainly would have done better advance grocery shopping!! I also had one friend left - period. I call her every day and bit** and tell her how I feel and she listens and then we try to talk about other happier stuff. I don't know what I would do with out her. I have learned to be VERY careful of whom I tell what. While being prescribed the meRAB, I'd continually complained to doctors about breathing problems, which I now know is called respiratory suppression, but they just prescribed increasing doses of klonopin, on top of the fentanyl. So I'm careful of who I ask for help. I empathize with you and if you don't have anyone to talk to on a daily basis, maybe posting a little something every day with help. My dog is an enormous help, too. Good luck!
 
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