Open letter to all humans:

V

vine_08

New member
Life. Everyone knows it has its ups and downs. Those worth their salt are the ones that understand how this works and can maximize the ups, while learning from the downs. Then there are those people that can’t comprehend the mechanics behind their own life. They live in their own little world of despair. Almost everything that comes out of their mouths is a complaint.

You know someone like this. You might even be like this.

Here’s the deal: Mental suffering can be defined as an expenditure of emotional energy on something that is outside of your control.

So, if something bothering you is out of your control… why worry about it? You can’t do shit about it. Look for a lesson in it, learn something from it, and move on.

If you have control over what’s making you unhappy, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. There are actions you can take to make everything better… the catch is, you must put forth the EFFORT to fix it. If you complain all fucking day but then REFUSE (consciously or subconsciously) to do anything about it or you try for two seconds and go “It’s not working” and quit, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE UNHAPPY. So go get off your lazy fucking ass and make your life worth living.
 
In some respects you're right, but not universally. There's too many people in literally no-win situations, brought on by forces outside of their lives. I'm not talking drama queens, I mean real issues. Health, job, education, where you live, it sounds simple to "apply yourself" but in many cases, it's just not as easy as all that. The idea that anyone can do anything if they just try hard, while an American main stay, is bullshit. For every one that makes it, many many more don't.

Also, the whole idea of "Don't worry about things you can't change" isn't very healthy. It's moderation that is the key, otherwise you will just stop caring about other people's suffering or problems, because hey you can't do anything about it, so fuck 'em.

So I say try to change what you can, keep an open mind, be mindful of the suffering of others, and do what you can. Try not to let it overwhelm you, try to recognize REAL issues vs. petty bullshit. That's more like it.
 
You both make good points. I am trying to apply the not worrying about it thing more.

For instance my roomie situation was really bothering me but KB and I talked about it this weekend and I realized I was letting it have too much power over me. I put it behind me and feel much better.
 
I disagree. The ones that don't make it give up before they make it to what they want. Siting "it's too hard," or "I'll never get it." Agreed it is harder for some than others, but you WILL find a way to get it if your heart is set on it.



A lot of times you CAN do something about someone elses problems, unless it's an internal problem. So that's not the issue. I mean outside of your control like... you were born retarded, you have a handicap there's no treatment or help for, what's worrying you is someone elses opinion. Stuff like that. One has control over a suprising amount of their lives, yet there are few who take it.



Agreed, but as a fictional sage once said: "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try."
 
While it's very optimistic of you to think this, realism gets in the way. You're young and full of images from school and rhetoric that tell you this. You know how many people who bust ass don't make it? A FUCKING LOT. Sometimes it's bad luck, sometimes it's not enough jobs, sometimes it's a lot of things. When you're young it's easy to imagine the world as an oyster just waiting for you to open it, I did the same thing. Real life does not listen to rhetoric or the few examples held up as "Everyone".

Good examples?

Sports. You know how many think they're gonna make it? All of them. How many do? Very few. All those that don't do other things in the end.

College education in one thing, but in the end, many people don't do anything related to all that hard work.

On and on it goes.
 
While you may see 27 as young, I know people my age and younger with the issue I'm addessing.

I'll use your sports example to further my point: They tried hard and couldn't cut it in professional sports. They were physically or mentally not suited for it. That is outside their control. I would suggest to take from it what was good (an efficient exercise routine for example), find something else in life that makes them happy, and do that.

The problem is when an athlete doesn't make it as far as they'd like, then instantly their life is 'over,' and they fail do do anything else except maybe pout forever about it.
 
Back in my more "caring" days I would have been right there with you on this one. But I have seen the proof time and time again. Those people who never give up no matter what the obstacle and eventually succeed even though life tries it's darndest to make it impossible for them. Compared to the people who "tried" but later on, looking back realized that there was always something else they could have done to make it work.

Honestly what has changed my opinion recently is my boyfriend. It may sound hokey, but he is truly my inspiration when it comes to these matters. Anyone who can go from being homeless at 16 (not bc he ran away or any of that nonsense), dropping out of school so he can work days, and going to night classes so he can get his high school diploma. To having 3 bachelors, currently working on his masters, working for one of this countries top employers in a position that people twice his age work years to attain, and living on his own (no roommates) makes me realize just what ambition and hard work can do.

So yeah he's just one person. And yeah he's more determined than any person I have ever met. But the lesson is clear to me. And my apathy for others has lessened. Get out and do something about your situation, or silently wallow. If you need help ask, but don't expect others to put more effort into your situation than you are willing to do yourself.

Thanks for the good words KB. Even though I still think you're an asshole. ;)
 
Boy does this sound like a conversation we had 2 days ago =P

FATALISTS.

need to just kill themselves and get it over with.

KB, of course I agree with you.

Seriously though, what I get from this, is the billion conversations with people, about how there's something wrong in their life, so I offer a solution, they counter it, I offer something else, they counter that too, and while sometimes the counter is valid, most of the time it's "well that won't work" and "Oh no, that's not right" and I'm just like WELL STOP BITCHING THEN.
SERIOUSLY, if you have an issue, don't friggin bring it to someone for advice, if you're not willing to listen to anything they have to say. Nobody wants to hear your incessant ramblings, unless you're up front and say "I don't want advice, I just wanna vent"
then, it's all good.
 
Job and education issues usually always have a way to be fixed. There are various government programs and such that can help you better educate yourself, even if it means getting stafford loans and going to community college; it's better than no education at all. If you have children and are a single parent, a lot of states offer government funded child care while you are in school. There are programs to help cover the cost of books and supplies as well. There are a million scholarships online you can apply for, and they cover a broad variety of situations.

There are options. Some people are just too lazy to search them out.
 
Haha funny you mention that, I was just trying to figure out how much monies it was going to cost to send my kids to boarding school in England when they're older. Did you know that they offer financial aid for that shit now?

/threadjack
 
Are you serious?


Well, I just found the answer to my education worries for Kane then. I refuse to send him to American schools, whether public or private. I was going to homeschool him, but that's a much better option.
 
you can't send them abroad until they're older though. You might wanna look into private schools in your area until then, and yes, they provide financial aid assistance too.
 
I don't like the idea of private schools. A lot of the students might look down on Kane simply for the appearance of Dustin and I, with all of our tattooed hotness. (Ha). Plus most private schools are religious, and I don't want any of that pushed on my son, I want him to make up his own mind.
 
WARNING: Long ass post ahead.



OK, I see where both KBz and JLXC are coming from. But it's from almost two completely different sides of the ballpark. KB is talking about those in life that can but won't, and JL is talking about people that have a genuine setback and just flat out can't (except for the football argument).

I have my own sob story. It's not very glamorous but it's real. I grew up in small town USA. Where everyone knows everyone and everything you do. I went all the way through high school and did about a year and a half in college of psychology and was kicking ass in construction, before drugs overtook me. Before drugs overtook me for a time, I was one of the most respected members of the community. Our family wasn't the richest, but we were well enough to do.

My parents were widely respected people who were like the fighters of our community. And of course that respect naturally passed down to my generation of family by proxy. Then when my dad who adopted me passed away I used that as a sad tool to let myself go into a downward spiral into drugs. Then I got put in the slammer and got myself a felony. Now having a felony is a little bit of a chosen path (I don't believe those who can't see that), but we don't choose the path that follows.

Because of that happening (like I said... everyone knows everyone out here), I lost a ton of respect in the community. No one for a time would hire me. I tarnished the entire image of my family as well. My family had to fight for years to get out of the dark cloud that I had put them under from MY actions. No place would hire me for a time, and it GENUINELY fucking sucked. I thought I was never going to get a break. Eventually I went back into the construction field and began to just tough it out. The only really good thing I can say about the construction field is that they'll always hire you regardless of color, creed, sex, or criminal background, as long as you're a hard ass worker.

I went through the construction field and over time, I put all my legal troubles behind me (in a personal sense). I worked my way up to being a lead foreman and was very close to taking the tests to become a General Contractor. Over time I have regained the respect of the community around me, and have even been able to restore my family's name because of a few good natured things I've done (which is another story for another time). I met the woman of my dreams and I was happily wed on July 12th, 2006. However, with things going good... some bad has to sometimes go with it. A few weeks after I got married, I suffered a torn ACL (in my knee for those not in the know). It was bad enough to where I actually had to be put on the shelf for the first time in my life. It didn't happen at work so I had to go through applying for medi-cal and putting up with all the red tape bullshit. And by the time the doctors were finally able to get to it. I can no longer re-enter the construction field.

For a time I didn't know what I was gonna do. I now had no income, a fucked up knee, and a wife and child to support. Me and my wife had to wind up going into separate residences just so she could continue living in a house (which no matter what bullshit I tell people, that is VERY hard to deal with). However, as you've noticed... I'm not the kind of person to just lay down and take it. So, this fall I finally re-enrolled in college. Surprisingly my past professors kept my credits on board and didn't vanquish them away. I've took on some other classes and I am looking forward to a future as a teacher or psychologist. I still have to deal with employers who cast a blind eye upon me once they see that I'm a felon, but I know something is going to break sooner or later, and I'll be working hard once again... only in a different field of employment.

I've gone through many ups and downs, but unlike those which JL described as genuinely having a setback... I know that I'm still in a position that I CAN make things happen. I'm not the kind of person who can rest on my laurels as I've seen many others do. So in a way, I agree with both your points of view. It's just that I've lived the version that KB has described and I didn't like it. But KB, I take it that you're the type that hasn't let life beat you with a wet noodle for too long either. Well my hat goes off to you, but you have to realize that we ARE the minority in life. There are too many that don't get educated or street-smart enough to bring themselves out of the dregs... even as hard as they may try.

That's all I'm going to say for now.
 
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