Oooooooooohhh FU*K!!!!!! I need to know everything that happened in the news !! How?!?!?

Relax. Just go to the more popular Web sites, CNN, Fox News (need to get both sides in), Washington Post, New York Times, and then pick the closest local newspaper Web site. Just catch up on whatever's at the top. Don't worry about the lifestyle sh*t, and take notes if you don't think you'll remember anything.
 
Here are some websites for you:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/?nid=top_news
http://www.latimes.com/
http://www.nytimes.com/
http://www.bbcworldnews.com/Pages/default.aspx
http://www.suntimes.com/index.html
 
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