Old souls

M

Mrs. Rocchi

New member
Young grasps brought crashing down to earth,
singing ambience to forward the way,
upon these painkillers and more,
teaching alcoves not to echo her love

I know she gives me away,
more than my hopes can afford

......
I’m different these days,

though even now I search through the faces of people on the street,
whilst my soul grows sadder still...




.....Its not really meant to keep to any sort of format, any comments appreciated :)
 
really caught me. Excellent line.
After the extended ellipses, it seems to go in an entirely different direction, both rhythmically and stylistically. Which may have been what you were looking for, but it doesn't sit well with me.

All in all, I like this.
 
Thanks a lot man, I know what you are saying about the last bit, but I feel it was necessary (even tho it doesn't flow) to add some sort of retrospective on the first bit....if that makes any sense!
 
I kind of liked this.

People really, really shouldn't describe what their own poems are about, though. Totally takes the life out of the poem.

Yup, kind of ruined it for me.
 
Hmm fair enough, I feel like I should say sorry or something...lol


edit.... i kinda agree actually so am gonna take off the description
 
Got something more here, which I just did whilst watching Scrubs. I have no idea where this came from.....

Son, you’ve got the ashes and places to go,
Bringing bit by bit our prayers with you,
As the dusts break between the sky’s efforts,
And the sun sifts through the heavens,
We all know the discerning silence,
That weaves through us all,

Old friend, I thought you had tried to hope,
Even as angels hit the ground running,
From the shores to the rifts in the ocean’s waves,
Making light of the places we cut through,
Though it seems now that you’re the only one running,
Past our prayers, and past their memories,

As always, comments appreciated :)
 
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