When did they get married? Both parties had to be adults, and they could not marry more than one person at a time. For the first 500 years in Rome, divorce was unknown. So, a great deal of care was taken selecting a marriage partner. Probably the groom had to be at least 14 years old, and the bride had to be at least 12 years old. The bride and groom could not be closed related. In general, marriage was forbidden between relatives four times removed, and between anyone connected by marriage. Thus, in ancient Rome, if you happened to fall in love with your fourth cousin, or your sister's husband's brother, too bad!
Consent: Consent to the marriage had to be shown. Consent was very important and consisted of three steps. First, consent had to be shown in public prior to the wedding ceremony. One way to show consent was for the future bride and groom to appear in public holding hands! Consent was shown again during the wedding ceremony, and once again at the door of her new home, before she entered. More on consent below!
Engagement: An engagement period before the wedding was considered good manners, but it wasn't a legal requirement. An engagement ring was usual, when affordable. This ring was worn on the third finger of the left hand, as it is today, because the ancient Romans believed that a nerve ran from this finger directly to the heart!
Dowries: A woman brought into her marriage what goods her family could supply, or goods she could supply herself. The bride's family might provide slaves, clothing, jewels, furniture. These belongings became the property of her husband.
Wedding Preparations: On the night before her wedding day, the bride-to-be gave her bulla (her birth locket) to her father, and gave her toys away to her family. She tried on her wedding dress, which was straight tunic, woven in one piece, which had to be long enough to reach her feet. On the morning of her wedding day, the bride was dressed by her mother. The most important part of her wedding dress was a belt, tied around her waist in the "knot of Hercules". (Hercules was the guardian of wedded life.) Only the husband could untie this knot. Over her tunic wedding dress, the bride worn a flame colored veil. The veil was topped with a wreath of flowers, which the bride had to gather herself.
The Wedding Ceremony: Only the three acts of expressing consent were necessary. Everything else varied. The actual ceremony was held usually at the bride's father house, with guests present.
There had to be witnesses to the ceremony to make it legal, typically at least ten witnesses. The bride and groom would stand before a priest, hold hands. The bride had agreed to the wedding by appearing in public holding hands with her future husband. Once again, the bride had to consent to the marriage during the wedding ceremony, this time by saying words of consent in public. These words were a chant, and were the same words for all brides and grooms. The bride would say: "Quando tu Gaius, ego Gaia." (When-and where-you are Gaius, I then-and there-am Gaia.) This chant may have been chosen for the lucky meaning of the name.
After the words of consent, the bride and groom sat on stools, facing the alter. An offering was made to the god Jupiter, which usually consisted of cake. Once the priest had made the offering, this cake was eaten by the bride and groom. Then followed congratulations by the guests.
Wedding Dinner: After the actual wedding ceremony, there was usually a dinner at the bride's house or possibly the groom's. Dinner was ended by passing out pieces of wedding cake, as it often is today.
Bridal Procession: After the dinner party, the bride was escorted to her husband's house. This ceremony was essential to the validity of the marriage, so it could not be omitted. Anyone could join the procession, and many people did, just for fun. In the evening, torchbearers and flute players appear at the bride's father's house. The mother held her daughter, and the groom took his bride with a pretend show of force from her mother's arms. Then, everyone and anyone paraded over to the groom's house. On the way, nuts were thrown, rather like we throw rice today.
Arrival at her new home: In front of the open door, the bride once more recited the consent chant. Then the bride was carried over the threshold by her new husband, and the doors were closed against the general crowd. Invited guests, however, could enter. In the fireplace, wood was laid ready for a fire. The bride lit this wood with her "marriage" torch, a special torch that had been carried in front of her during the procession. The torch was then blown out, and tossed among the guests, who scrambled for it, like a bride's flower bouquet is today.
