Not quite sure where to put this - Destructive/abusive thoughts/actions.

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brinks1123

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I apologize if this is in the wrong section. I wasn't quite sure where to put it.

I'll try to make this as short and simple as possible. I'm a kind and caring person. I've been told I have a good heart, and I have never really hurt anyone or anything physically, etc.

I'm not on any medication. I was put on Zoloft in March/April but it never felt like it did anything for me. The reason why it was prescribed is because I find myself thinking too much about things, worrying, having anxiety etc. I realized that my levels of anxiety, etc. are probably normal and that the Zoloft did nothing to help, so I decided to stop taking them last week. I've gone days/a week without it before between filling prescriptions and felt no different during that time.

Anyway, on to my main concern. Tonight I was going to say good night to the girlfriend. All was well, we were joking around and acting normal, as usual. Then, at one point, something switched. I'm not quite sure what triggered it but I suddenly felt very destructive. I ended up pulling on the legs of her favorite stuffed animal and slightly ripping it. I felt AWFUL during and afterwards. I had no clue why I had done such a thing. This might sound weird, but we refer to our stuffed animals as "the family." They're all named, etc. I usually tuck her in with them at night. I guess that's our childish side. I'm only saying this to put things into perspective. It wasn't just a random stuffed animal, it was of significance.

This happened once a long time ago. I was petting and playing with my cat when I decided to squeeze its neck just a bit. I found myself having destructive thoughts, but of course didn't hurt it at all. I could never do such a thing.

This happens once in a blue moon, but it really concerns me. I've been feeling down all night ever since the incident. It's almost as if when something is extremely good/beautiful, I think destructively and ruin it. Again, I have never hurt anyone or anything, and this has only happened a few times in my life. I'm 27 years old, but it's still a concern.

Anyone know what might be wrong here? I don't think it has to do with me stopping my Zoloft prescription because, like I said, this happened about 10 years ago with my cat. Again, I didn't hurt the cat, I just had terrible thoughts.

Any and all help would be very much appreciated. :wave:


EDIT: I just realized something. Is this just your run of the mill abusive behavior? I was never abusive towards anyone but the girlfriend and I have had some ups and downs lately, and I'm wondering if that's triggering abusive thoughts and actions in my mind.
 
Hey Nick,

Listen Nick, My life depends on me taking lots of medications. I have two children who depend on me, I have a man I love, I have parents to live for...and skipping that medication could be enough to kill me.

Your medication is exactly the same as mine Nick, it is a life or death thing. You miss your medication, you could hurt someone, and could you ever live with yourself if that happened?

Go back, take it and things will go back to your happy life.
 
Thanks writeleft! I've only been on Zoloft for the last few months, and it doesn't seem to affect me at all, on or off. I've been medication free for my entire life otherwise.

I'm fine today. Like I said, something like that has only happened a handful of times in my life. It just concerns me. I don't want it to start happening more often.
 
Nick,

There are different kinds of drugs. Some are fast acting, some are not. Zoloft is one of these drugs that you will not notice, which could lead you to think it is not doing a thing, but it is. It simply there for impulse control. When an intense impulse kicks in, like considering harm to another, that medication stops the impulse.
That is all it does, but don't you want that up there, in your brain at all times, as a safety net for your family, your self. That little pill simply keeps that safety block on impulse. How lucky is that? It wont make you tired, it wont make you feel a thing, but just a the second you need it, boom, it is there. See what I mean? By taking it here and there, it wont work. Please, check the medication out, it will even out your big feelings, so you don't have to get to the point of acting out.

I would die if I chose not to take pills, so I have taken the choice, a pretty obvious one. For you, it is just one. It doesn't guarantee anything, but it does protect you from an impulsive act that could cause great harm to someone you love. That seems like and obvious yes too.

I am only encouraging you, although I might sound rough. If I would have taken one little pill 15 years ago, I wouldn't have have had life threatening high blood pressure, or the 4 strokes, or the heart attack, the kidney failure, the thyroid disease, now endometriosis, gout, and arthritis! Honestly, the one pill that started it all! That's why your story is so compelling to me.

Think ahead to the worst case scenario, and then try to avoid it actively. I want to keep up with this story., and I am anxious to see other responses to your post.

excuse my writing, new medication side effect.
 
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