Not in the mood for sex so boyfriend left me?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Nina C
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Nina C

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A 10 year abusive relationship with my son's Father has left me feeling empty. He continuously stalked me hit me (never our child) and even sexually abused me- even after I left him just after the 3rd year. Yes I called the police and yes he went to jail many times. He"s only recently moved on and a couple years ago i met someone new. Here"s the problem. I am no longer in the mood for sex and this is driving my current boyfriend away. I am old enough to know that I need "healing" time and there is nothing wrong with that but my boyfriend says that if I care about him I will have sex with him regardless even if I'm not in the mood. Should I let him go? I really feel grossed out when someone touches me and I told this man right from the beginning that I was damage and needed time to heal at which time he said he"d wait "forever". I kind of feel like he"s pushing me before I"m ready yet I don't want to lose him
 
Anyone that TRULY loves you would understand how you feel ---and I think he doesn't care what your emotional needs are here so I would think he is just not right for you ..In order to be 100% for anyone you have to be 100% for yourself---be complete in your heart..and its obvious you are not --have you considered counseling?? First of you because of the years of abuse and then invite him (boyfriend) to some sessions he probably doesn't understand just what you are going through..You were traumatized deeply he needs to know this is real for you --and in hearing it from someone that is educated in this matter would maybe help him understand...He sees it as this---yes you were abused --but--not by him so whats the big deal?? He doesn't understand that you were not just hurt on the physical level but in the emotion level as well that doesn't just go away like a cut finger--you cannot band aid the heart and soul --you need to get professional help you really do or you may never get over this and loose this man that you say you love --take into consideration that you finally give into him and his wish's to be intimate he will be happy but you are going to build ill feelings twords him and sooner or later be done with this relationship you will resent the fact that he didn't care enough to understand why be unhappy?? If he truly does care he will be patient while you heal and become the woman he would want you to be, you deserve the chance to be healed it is so obvious that the man that hurt you is still hurting you and that is not fair. Get help please...
God Bless
 
DO NOT LET HIM PUSH YOU.. if you are not healed and you let him, it will be similar to your previous relationship.. and it could bring back bad flashbacks

I would talk to a Doctor, somethings to consider... You should look into therapy, single and or group.. sometimes medications can also help... If you have already done these routes or not, and you still do not feel ready, let him go.. his loss, not yours.
 
Oh baby, I'm so sorry about the abuse.

You are right; you are damaged and you should take all the time you need to heal before having sex again. This guy is a loser and I think you should let him go. I think you know deep down that if he really cared for you, he would wait until you're ready.

But here's a look at the bigger picture: Many women who date abusive men in a pattern. It's not because you're a bad person, but I think this issue goes deeper than just these two men. Were you physically or sexually abused prior to your son's father?

I really think you need to seek professional counseling. You need to realize your value; that you don't need to be with abusive men. Plus, I think you should concentrate on yourself and your son for awhile and forget men altogether. (Not forever, just awhile.) This way, you wouldn't have to even worry about the sex thing. Good luck.
 
I am sorry about your situation but I think you need healing time. I know you dont want to lose him but he should be supportive of you. You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and see his point of view. If you guys end up splitting up obviously it is not meant to be. God does everything for a reason!
 
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