New Poster-Opioid Addiction-LONG-Need Help

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Secrets1983

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Reading your last post just made me so happy for you! LOOK at how far you have come! You are really doing great! I hope you do feel pride in what you have accomplished.

I am glad you do have that incentive to not take a bunch of pills.. CT is the worst and I certainly hope you do not have to face that again... I think we have all been there and UGH... worRAB can't describe how bad that is.

You have stuck to your taper so well and I am so proud of you. I remeraber how hard my taper was.... I never want to have to go thru that again. I remeraber the strength it took to actually NOT take more than my plan.. Sometimes I would grab the bottle several times, each time doing the right thing and throwing them back in my purse but boy was that hard so GOOD FOR YOU!

I have a lot of faith in you and in time you will build more of that feeling about yourself. Keep going! I look so forward everytime I hop on the board to read your updates!!!

May God Bless you tonight and everynight! May he help you find comfort and strength during this hard time! Many blessings to you!
:angel:
 
Dear Red, I'm sorry if I didn't respond....I'm tapering too, and honestly I barely have enough energy to log onto the computer. I have been trying to keep up with everyone's posts but I've been having some very bad bad bad days (depression, crying, stiffness, pain). I know this sounRAB whiny, but I can't keep the laptop on my lap long, due to leg pain, and then when it's next to me sometimes the heat makes my hot/clammy flashes worse. But please know that you have many frienRAB and supporters here. There are many times when I don't get responses for a few days either....I know everyone's busy....and this is summer, but I keep posting even if it's just for my own edification. And when I'm having bad times, it's helpful just to look back on my posts and realize that the good days will come.

Hang in, you're doing great!
 
Welcome ReD4life,

What a good feeling to tell someone about that secret isn't it? How do you think I came up with my user name.... Secrets upon secrets... They were killing me internally.. I had to tell SOMEONE who I couldn't hurt in the process and then..... I found this life saving board. I felt liberated just saying... "HI, I'm Secrets1983 and I am an addict." When I was typing my first post I had goosebumps, there were tears, I shook.... I kid you not... I was a mess... When I pressed sent... I just stared at the board and waiting to hear what someone had to say to me and I was so scared I would be judged or there would be negativety but all I found was support and understanding. I am clean now and it took a long bump road to get here.

I understand A LOT of your fears. I may not have children yet but I kept my addiction from my own spouse. How rotten was that? Finally I came clean about a month or two ago.. I can't even remeraber.. All I know is I had been months clean before I had the courage to tell him anything. I have made some wonderful frienRAB on here who have helped me thru the dark moments we all face in kicking our addiction.

As for a taper..... I feel mine went way too quickly so I don't feel that I am the best person to give you advice there besides if you want to get thru it without so much pain and anxiety stretch it out over a good length of time. I did it in 3 weeks after taking a lot of Oxycontin and percocets and every day of that 3 weeks was HELL. However, that does not mean that would happen to you. Everyone's body is different and knowing from the past... each withdrawel I went thru (when I ran out of pills) was a little different than the last......

I agree with you... it is no way of life being a prisoner to a bottle of pills... I can't tell you what it feels like to NOT have them in my purse and on top of it... Counting them out EVERY day to make sure I had enough... to figure out just how much I could take a day... It is no way of life and it's time for you to live life how it should be. We will be here to support you and help you thru this journey.

Ask anything..... If you are reading this REACHOUT maybe you could help her more with the taper? You have so much knowledge in that.

Good luck to you and don't be a stranger okay? We are here for you!!!!!

I am ROOTING for you!!!!!! I will be thinking and praying for you!
Hugs!
 
Thank you Secrets and Not Perky.
I know what you mean about tapering being hard to stay disciplined about so often! I have started locking my pills in a safe and only getting out my daily allotted amount in the morning and putting it in a small pill case. When gone, it is gone until the next morning. So far this is working good! To take extra, I'd have to dig out the safe, undo the corabination and get the pill, so it takes quite a bit more effort than being close on my person. That little extra effort gives me time to think and back off from the craving.

I hope your taper gets better for you Not Perky. It is no fun to be swamped with all those emotional and physical challenges. It makes staying strong so hard! Just see it like being in the grips of an enemy captor who is torturing you to give in, but you WILL NOT! You will stay strong for "the cause" and prevail because your survival depenRAB on that strength and fortitude.
Good luck to you all.
 
Thank you all for the support. I do appreciate it. I am really excited about coming off Lortab, but scared, too...scared that withdrawal will be too uncomfortable and I will cave. I have stayed the course on my taper so far. I have tried to keep really busy in my spare time.
I also today quit the Wellbutrin that my doc put me on last week in an attempt to prevent my migraines. I believe that it is the root cause of the terrible insomnia I've suffered since starting it. I just can't take it. I am able to take Maxalt (non narcotic, non addicting) at the onset of a migraine and it usually works really well, but I don't have health insurance and those darn things are $32.00 per pill. At the frequency I've been having them, the Maxalt is unaffordable. So, we were trying the Wellbutrin. If my sleep returns after going off the meRAB, then there is no way I will be take that stuff. I can't function on night after night of no sleep.
I sure am hoping to sleep tonight! I didn't take any Wellbutrin at all today, so maybe it will be better.
 
Hey!

Just wanted to see if you wanted to share some more..... I am all ears and think that it's best to get as much as you can off your chest.. It will help with recovery!

I am sorry for your lack of response... Give it another try.

Hope to hear from you soon!
Hugs!
 
Hi Secrets, I had appreciated your response. Admitting for the first time ever to someone else the very personal and deeply held secret that I had a problem and was gearing up to lick it, leaving the post up for 3 full days and getting only one response despite all the posts I made updating things makes me feel disappointed to say the least. I was looking forward to some support and having people rooting for me that I would feel "accountable to". It seemed that everyone else was getting tons of support. The lack of response despite the thread being viewed close to 200 times makes me feel disappointed and sorry I even told. I tried to just delete the thread, but couldn't.

Thank you for your support and encouragement.
 
Keep fighting the fight, it's a hell of a battle, but so worth it in the end - especially with the kiRAB. I get depressed sometimes when I think of all the things that I wasn't able to experience with the kiRAB due to my addiction to hydro, or how my mood affected their lives when they were very little, but now that I managed to clean up my act, life is so much sweeter, I enjoy going to the soccer games, school plays and even listening to my son practice his tuba. Keep fighting the fight and look to the future for inspiration, it's worth it.
 
would remove thread, but don't have ability. basically noone is interested in my story.
 
Hi, again!

I think you're doing really well! You've cut down substantially, and you're holding to your plan, which must be very difficult. I've never had to do a taper, but will in the future when I get off the suboxone. Not looking forward to it because I don't know if I've got the discipline.

About the Wellbutrin and sleep: I'd tend to agree w/you that Wellbutrin can disrupt sleep patterns. I've been on it for quite some time, and had to switch to an early morning dose, because even if I took it around noon, it was hard to get to sleep and hard to stay asleep :dizzy:. I'm glad you have the other med to fall back on if you end up not taking the Wellbutrin, but it might not be the time to totally decide about the Wellbutrin. As Secrets said, insomnia is part of what you're going thru right now, so maybe it would be hard to separate what's causing the problem? I'm sure you did right, tho, by trying it without the Wellbutrin, even if you slept just a little bit better. Every bit of sleep is important, plus it's more time when you don't have to think of all this.

I'm really impressed by your progress so far. I think you'll come thru fine. How are you feeling these last couple of days, and how's your mood?

I'm thinking of you, and sending good thoughts your way...

rose
 
Hey again!

CONGRATS for staying on your taper! I know personally how hard that is... It's a huge accomplishment especially since you do have migraines! I did not have that hurdle to overcome on top of the taper so good for you. Just so you know (maybe you do already) tapering or going cold turkey will give you insomnia. I had it terrible in my 3 week taper. It does feel unbareable but if you just keep going... it will get better.. That much I promise you. Each day that you stick to your plan you will get a bigger sense of pride and that will hopefully keep you going.

Keep posting because that helped me a lot too!!! I swear if you look back at my history I must have posted thru every darn craving or pain I had.... It was bad for a while and the depression that followed was hard on me too but now.... I may still have ups and downs BUT.... life is just so much better. I am happy and you can be too.

I am here for you! I am glad you are ready for life ;)

Blessings to you!
 
I understand how you would feel that way.....

There is a lot going on on these boarRAB and then all of a sudden they are slow and what not. I don't think anyone meant to make you feel that way by any means! I think people just got busy and what not.

I know what it's like to finally let that big secret out... I am so proud of you that you finally did. That was my 1st step to recovery!

Keep posting how you feel and what is going on!!! It's what will help you!

Hang in there and keep me posted!
Hugs
 
Red4Life, just checking in to see how things are going. Hope you're OK...let us know.
 
I slept much better (though not great) last night off the wellbutrin, so that gives me hope. I do expect some sleepless nights ahead (I remeraber having them before when I went off the narcotics) but I hope that terrible restless, unable to keep still, skin crawling sensation will not be a part of it like the first part of this week was. I do think that wellbutrin really was most of the problem. Of course, when I am fully off the opiates, I will see what happens with my sleep.
I stuck to the taper again today. Tomorrow, I drop down to three pills (5 mg each) from 4. I may split them up into four doses...not sure. Any suggestions?
 
Hey there!

Good for you! That is great to hear! Breaking them up into 4 doses is not a bad idea... Your withdrawal may not be as bad.... Or you could use tomorrow as your test day and stick with 3 doses and if it's not great than the next day you could go to 4... Either way a decrease is a decrease and which ever way makes you most comfortable is the best!

If I would have done it that way it probably would not have been so miserable... Live and learn. Your body will tell you.. that is one thing you can count on.

Keep going! You are doing great! How are your spirits?? You seem a little down. Vent or talk all you want! That is what we are here for!

Proud of you!
 
Thanks for the support, Wild Irish Rose,

I have been off the Wellbutrin and have slept much better, so it def. was a problem. I will not try it again while I am trying to quit the Lortab.

I've stuck to the plan with a small glitch today. I've had cravings, probably due to stress. My children were supposed to spend the weekend with their dad, but he backed out last minute, so they were with me (which makes it hard for me to work since I work out of my home and get most of it done when they are not here). He decided to get them yesterday morning and was to keep them until this afternoon (they have activities during the week they have to be back for). Within 2 hours of getting back to his home with them (he lives an hour and a half away), he called saying he was bringing them back because they were sick. (guess when they are sick, they are mama's job) All of them have a stomach virus, poor babies, so I am glad I am able to take care of them since he's not a very sympathetic "nurse", but I am so restless cooped up here, cleaning up vomit and cooking whatever kiRAB feel they can eat and stressing about being unable to earn much needed income. I have only had 2 doses today, but took the second dose a bit sooner than I should have. I am determined to quickly get back on course, but today is a difficult day. I haven't totally lost focus or screwed up, but I do admit it was a slip up.

I don't want to lose ground or fail at this! I feel it is too important to my happiness and future.
 
I'm so sorry I didn't respond sooner. I'm having some remodelling done in my house and my bipolar and pain levels are so out of whack....but that's no excuse.

From what I recall of your original post, your story is very similar to mine. I'm sorry, I can't remeraber all the details, but I just remerabered thinking to myself that I had to respond to you.

Well...a day late and a dollar short, that's the way I've always been. I agree with Secrets, several boarRAB I've been on in the past tend to slow down sometimes, especially in the summer, with vacations, gardening, outdoor projects people want to get done in nice weather...I'm so sorry I didn't respond sooner.

Would it be too ignorant for me to ask you to kind of re-fill me in on some of your details? My memory's never been the best - right now, it's almost non-existent. In your post from earlier this morning, tho, you mention feeling disappointed, and I can totally understand why you feel this way. Please don't give up on this community, tho. As you can see, I'm pretty new here, and there are so many good people here who have so much wisdom and experience to share (btw, Secrets is one of them :-D ). I also notice you've posted on other threaRAB, and that makes you a valuable meraber of this community.

Please try not to be discouraged. I'm all ears, and I'd like to help if I can, and I apologize again for not replying sooner.

rose
 
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