New poem tell me how it is?

N

Nicole

New member
That is really good ! I write poetry too and my friend writes all kinds of pieces and is an author ! I think you followed one particular story very well and you ended it nicely ! Looks like you have some talent ! Keep it up !
 
Okay so i haven't put up a poem in a while and this isn't the happiest one but i am going to put another one after this that is a little happier.


Smile, laugh, being happy
Isn’t that what we all desire?
I feel for people that don’t have those things
Even though I don’t I still want people to think I do
So I smile, laugh, and pretend to be happy
So that no one will get hurt
I know you hurt to, probably more than I do
But you are not the one who has to keep these dirty little secrets from everyone
I want something to give myself everlasting happiness some sort of painless drug
But you took my painless drug
And I want it back so bad
It hurts inside thinking about how I have to live without it now
But it might be best even though I think I will find a way to do it again
Maybe I need to start thinking about someone other than myself
So while I smile, laugh, and pretend to be happy
I will try to see joy in my live and in your eyes
Cause that is what really brings true happiness.
 
It was a very interesting though but if I were you next time try to have it flow a little better! But otherwise it wa very good!

mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkyGOSoKSBIS6y39m_i8Aj_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091007224451AA3xi6i
 
your 8th and 9th lines and few more .. are too big.. try shortening them...
otherwise it's good.. but didn't touch me so much.. just being honest :)
 
It was a very interesting though but if I were you next time try to have it flow a little better! But otherwise it wa very good!

mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkyGOSoKSBIS6y39m_i8Aj_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091007224451AA3xi6i
 
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