Tilly-Tally
New member
Under my fingers, I feel the smooth cherry wood of the pew in front of me,
The polished shine inviting me to rest my head.
So I do, leaning forward, contorting my body painfully.
Though I can’t really feel it, my mind is so distractingly numbing.
Perhaps that’s a blessing.
(I) I can see you, dear,
From the corner of my eye,,
I see you.
(I) You’re invading my private time,
My time with God.
He and I have things to discuss, dear,
But you needn’t worry.
It’s none of your concern.
I broke my guard when I leaned forward, when I bowed to you, Lord.
Now, I can feel the corners of my mouth pulling into a grimace,
As if they were pulled by taunt strings, jerking them up like a dancing puppet.
I purse my lips tightly, swallowing the sobs.
(I) I won’t do this,
Not with you here, dear,
Not in front of you.
I shut my eyes like a dam and push my body upright.
I lean my head back and look up toward the ceiling.
I see the sun, shining slightly through the stained glass,
But I can’t feel it, the warmth, not on my palms, or on my face.
(I) God, dear I miss it so much.
I can sense it though, the warmth. It’s lurking silently on the other side of the stained glass, swirling softly. The effect is gorgeous.
So slight, that if I tilt my head, the colors change, and it’s something different.
(I) I know you’re still here, I can smell you.
You smell like a dog.
You smell like Lily.
Candles are burning; I stare at one, waiting for the whisper of warmth to grace my cheek,
But I can’t feel anything.
I can’t muster enough of my own breath to blow it out.
(I) I can see you edging your way in, even if your image is distorted through my blurring eyes, as if I’m looking at you from underwater.
STOP, I don’t want you here.
Dear, please, it’s just too hard.
I can’t feel anything.
I can’t feel anything.
God, why can’t I feel anything?
I’m so sick, God, I’m so sick and tired.
Help me. Please
I can’t take it. It takes too much energy to keep myself placid, too much to try and keep my composure.
I let my body go loose, and I convulse as a sob rips through me.
(I) I can’t take this, dear.
I’m done.
My body doesn’t know what I’m thinking, I can tell. I can sense it, my soul. For all my life, it’s been attached to my body like a shadow,
Hovering, but not affecting where I’ve gone or what I’ve done.
But now, I feel it, my soul loosening from my body, ripping from it like two sewn fabrics.
Each convulsing sob snapping stitches, until nothing’s holding me down.
My feet are climbing up the stairs; my fingers are unlatching the door to the roof,
My eyes are seeking the highest point. I breathe.
(I) I can see you, dear.
From the corner of my eye,
I see you.
My soul is ready, dear.
It’s ready to be released into the heavens, ready to ride the sky like a lost balloon.
Please don’t cry dear. Please dear, don’t come any closer; I don’t want you to stop me.
I’m ready to go.
A man walks up to me solemnly, his head tilted, his eyes confused. I want to kiss the tears off his face, I want to hold him close and look into his warm brown eyes. But I can’t. He’s shaking his head, and walking towards me. He reaches out, trying to grab my arm, but his hand passes through me.
(I) I can see you dear,
From the corner of my eye,
I see you.
You’re so beautiful dear,
I’ve missed you so much.
I can’t tell you how much I just want you to hold me, to feel the warmth of your hand in mine.
How much Lily looks like you, how much she acts like you.
How much I love you.
A breeze picks up, gently pushing my hollow body. I stare deep into the man’s eyes, and let the wind loosen my soul from my body, and carry it through the clouds.
(I)I can see you dear,
Trying to catch my shell of a body as it tumbles off the roof.
It’s no use dear, as you can’t hold me anymore, you can’t touch me anymore.
You can’t make me feel warm anymore dear.
(I) I can see it dear, the gates of Heaven.
I can see you dear,
From the corner of my eye,
I can see you.
The (I) before a paragraph means that the whole paragraph is in italics. It's kind of weird because the italics mean that I'm talking to "dear" or myself.
The poem is long, but it's about a woman who lost her husband and she's in a church mourning. While there, she hallucinates about him being there and she talks to him. They have a daughter, Lily. In the end, she "loosens" her soul and dies. It's a bit dark, and a big part of it is the woman can't feel anything anymore, especially the warmth of her husband because he's gone. Thanks for all the comments so far!
The polished shine inviting me to rest my head.
So I do, leaning forward, contorting my body painfully.
Though I can’t really feel it, my mind is so distractingly numbing.
Perhaps that’s a blessing.
(I) I can see you, dear,
From the corner of my eye,,
I see you.
(I) You’re invading my private time,
My time with God.
He and I have things to discuss, dear,
But you needn’t worry.
It’s none of your concern.
I broke my guard when I leaned forward, when I bowed to you, Lord.
Now, I can feel the corners of my mouth pulling into a grimace,
As if they were pulled by taunt strings, jerking them up like a dancing puppet.
I purse my lips tightly, swallowing the sobs.
(I) I won’t do this,
Not with you here, dear,
Not in front of you.
I shut my eyes like a dam and push my body upright.
I lean my head back and look up toward the ceiling.
I see the sun, shining slightly through the stained glass,
But I can’t feel it, the warmth, not on my palms, or on my face.
(I) God, dear I miss it so much.
I can sense it though, the warmth. It’s lurking silently on the other side of the stained glass, swirling softly. The effect is gorgeous.
So slight, that if I tilt my head, the colors change, and it’s something different.
(I) I know you’re still here, I can smell you.
You smell like a dog.
You smell like Lily.
Candles are burning; I stare at one, waiting for the whisper of warmth to grace my cheek,
But I can’t feel anything.
I can’t muster enough of my own breath to blow it out.
(I) I can see you edging your way in, even if your image is distorted through my blurring eyes, as if I’m looking at you from underwater.
STOP, I don’t want you here.
Dear, please, it’s just too hard.
I can’t feel anything.
I can’t feel anything.
God, why can’t I feel anything?
I’m so sick, God, I’m so sick and tired.
Help me. Please
I can’t take it. It takes too much energy to keep myself placid, too much to try and keep my composure.
I let my body go loose, and I convulse as a sob rips through me.
(I) I can’t take this, dear.
I’m done.
My body doesn’t know what I’m thinking, I can tell. I can sense it, my soul. For all my life, it’s been attached to my body like a shadow,
Hovering, but not affecting where I’ve gone or what I’ve done.
But now, I feel it, my soul loosening from my body, ripping from it like two sewn fabrics.
Each convulsing sob snapping stitches, until nothing’s holding me down.
My feet are climbing up the stairs; my fingers are unlatching the door to the roof,
My eyes are seeking the highest point. I breathe.
(I) I can see you, dear.
From the corner of my eye,
I see you.
My soul is ready, dear.
It’s ready to be released into the heavens, ready to ride the sky like a lost balloon.
Please don’t cry dear. Please dear, don’t come any closer; I don’t want you to stop me.
I’m ready to go.
A man walks up to me solemnly, his head tilted, his eyes confused. I want to kiss the tears off his face, I want to hold him close and look into his warm brown eyes. But I can’t. He’s shaking his head, and walking towards me. He reaches out, trying to grab my arm, but his hand passes through me.
(I) I can see you dear,
From the corner of my eye,
I see you.
You’re so beautiful dear,
I’ve missed you so much.
I can’t tell you how much I just want you to hold me, to feel the warmth of your hand in mine.
How much Lily looks like you, how much she acts like you.
How much I love you.
A breeze picks up, gently pushing my hollow body. I stare deep into the man’s eyes, and let the wind loosen my soul from my body, and carry it through the clouds.
(I)I can see you dear,
Trying to catch my shell of a body as it tumbles off the roof.
It’s no use dear, as you can’t hold me anymore, you can’t touch me anymore.
You can’t make me feel warm anymore dear.
(I) I can see it dear, the gates of Heaven.
I can see you dear,
From the corner of my eye,
I can see you.
The (I) before a paragraph means that the whole paragraph is in italics. It's kind of weird because the italics mean that I'm talking to "dear" or myself.
The poem is long, but it's about a woman who lost her husband and she's in a church mourning. While there, she hallucinates about him being there and she talks to him. They have a daughter, Lily. In the end, she "loosens" her soul and dies. It's a bit dark, and a big part of it is the woman can't feel anything anymore, especially the warmth of her husband because he's gone. Thanks for all the comments so far!
