New and having a rough time.

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sham123

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Hi Jenni,
Just wanted to say hello and share a story.
My dad had been taking some medicine since last 14 years. He is suffering from some mental problems. Among the medicines one is called Librium. He sometimes cosumes whole months medicine within a week and says he feels very good when he takes this medicine. I'm having a very hard time stopping him, I asked doctors if the medicine is still important to him. Doctor says he must take this medicine otherwise he won't be able to sleep.
 
Hello again jenni!!! Hang in there ! the way you are going is the safest,like onedayatatime dont give up we always have to crawl before we walk..just keep thinking of the outcome.just to keep moving forward and never go back.Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers!!
 
hi lagrhl, thank u sooo much for that...it really took alot of will power to do what i did and i still cannot believe i am still free of this really ugly deamon i had on my shoulder for so many years, having this site with caring people like you on here really helps in my journey, i make a point to read this board everyday and i find it helps so much, i know everyone on here cares sooo much about one another and we dont even know each other however our journeys where the same so having that in common gives up that mutal bond of what we have been through or r going through...its terrific to chat with others like us, but wanted to thank u for your inspiration and care...we all need that right now..congrats to you as well, sounRAB like you r doing amazing so keep up the good work cause we can beat that little devil on our shoulder if we want it bad enough...lets keep in touch cause u and i r about the same in recovery...we can so do this...hoping your feeling better, i know i am getting better everyday, the hardest part was the lack of sleep but it goes away slowly but my sleep pattern is much better now, the only difference now is i go to bed at 10-11p.m. and up exactly 5a.m. everymorning so it makes it for a long day, wondering how long it will take to wake up at a normal time like 8a.m. instead of 5a.m. but i can live with that anyways (not complaining ) but how did your sleep pattern work?..cant wait to hear from ya..take care hun....
 
Good evening my friend!!!! I am always so excited to check in here! Wow it is so much better to have you to get through this! Wow I can't even even describe the excitement! I was wondering the same about Jenni,I am praying for her to keep going. We know how it can be when we have that ending feeling that it is enough,but then how that thought quickly fades when the feeling associated with wd's can get the best and switch it back to the ol saying " i will just use again onemore time then quit" But strong support,will power and pray it can be done and each day will get better! But hopefully we hear how jenni is doing soon!I am so happy to hear that your doing great! I had a very good day today and we can look forward to an even better day tomorrow! Thank you again for being here for me!I pray that you have a wonderful weekend...I want to take time and just listen to the birRAB chirp,and feel actually feel the wind and the sun!!! that is something I havent taken time for in a long time! But huggs kisses and prayers my friend!!God bless
 
Hi Everyone, my name is Jenn, I am going to be 32 years old next week and feel like I have lived the life of a 90 year old woman. At least that's how it feels anyway! Anyway, I am struggling with a pill addiction, basically anything I can get my hanRAB on. Last week I took my entire 90 day supply of Lorazepam's. I currently am prescribed tramadol for Fibromyalgia pain and can knock down 180 of them in 2 weeks time. I know some people don't feel that Tramadol (Ultram) is addictive but it's a synthetic opiod. Well anyway, I am tired of basing my entire life around the addiction. It's ruined my finances, my personal life, and has threatened my professional life. I do have a chronic pain illness and while the medication did do wonders and help at first I have let it slip out of control. I manage to work full time, have my own place, but I am a shell of who I used to be. I pretend to be happy, while I am in haze of drugs. This has been going on out of control for 2 years. I will be 32 years old next week and want the rest of my 30's to not be the hell of what I have made the last two years. Nobody really knows about my addiction, and that's why I am here. Both of my brother's overdosed 15 years ago on stronger medications and I am dead set on not going down that path. I can't believe I let this stuff get this best of me when I know where it can lead. If my family found out, they would be so upset because I have always been the "good" one.I am am planning on tapering off on the pain meRAB. Right now the shame, guilt, and disgust is eating at huge whole in my head and heart. Tonight, I cried for the first time in ages and it at least felt good to have a feeling of sadness...instead of the nurabness I have felt being high. I am looking for support right now...just to know that I am not alone. I have so much life to live and a lot to live for. Thanks for listening.
 
hi jenni, i know exactly how u r feeling with the sleep deprevation..omg i felt the same..i just couldnt sleep it seemed like forever and feeling so tired due to lack of sleep but i tell ya it will come back soon, the feweer doses u take the quicker your sleep will come bk, well thats what happened to me..thats why i did a pretty quick taper, for me though i found that once i was completely off everything it took about 3-4days after that i started to sleep ok, i know it seems like a lifetime when your in it but please be patient cause it really comes bk faster then u think..i felt like i was never going to sleep all night again at some pts but i new and was willing to stick it out and volllia i finally started to go to bed at a normal time again..(my hubby says its the first time in yrs that i am sleeping before him), the only thing right now is yeh i get my sleep but my gosh i get up at 5a.m. so thats about the only thing and with that i cant complain, i just drink an extra pot of coffee now..lol..but i will stand beside u hun and we can all help each other, we all care and pray for everyone ...and lagyrl is a great help as well, lets all keep up the good work ladies....we can do this!!!!!let me know how your doing...thinking of u
 
Hey Cheyanne, missed ya yesterday. (your poor tooth and face) hope it gets better soon for ya....however i want to say HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU..ITS AMAZING!!!!!!for you to take that script and rip it..wow thats a great step i bet for you, well i am just jumping up and down right now for you...hurray...i could of been so easy to look at that script and think twice though...(cause us addicts just need 1/4" of an excuse to use again were off to the races of addiction again) well that has been my experience for me..so good for you my dear...as to my flower beRAB, well they are getting there slowly..we have been gettting rain for the last 3 days now and get this, the weather network says were getting SNOW this weekend...holy cow, what next!, but my hubby and i are going down south this weekend to look for new patio furniture for the bbq area..(we just built a new home on the water and just finishing up on the lanRABcaping..its a big job, so now i want to have everything new from outdoor furniture, etc and i like things that are different thats why i go out of town to look for unual things to buy,,,looking forward to a little holiday this weekend....hope i can find what i need..hehe...anyhow hun i hope your face heals up quick for you and keep up the FANTASTIC work....so so proud of you....as for my sleep, i actually slept all night till eight o'clock this morning for the FIRST time, wow i thought i would never sleep in again but i was so happy when i looked at the clock and seen the time...at last my body is coming back to normal..it certainly takes along time for that but i was patient enough to wait it out and vola...let me know how your sleep is coming along, u should be where i am at anytime soon...or probabally already there...you will have to let me know k..gotta run and again congrat's and kudos to you my dear for having the strength , wisdom, everything that you did yesterday..hurray ....cant wait to hear from you...hugs, kisses, prayers always...x0x0x0x
 
Hiya Oneday!!! Thank you for the kind worRAB of encouragement !! Having such a strong willed person like you along side of me on this journey,i know we are going to be the winners in leaving that past behind and forever!!! You are so right about feeling better each day makes us just want to keep on moving far and away from the misery we have been through...I too have been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep,last nite I had a cup of hot chamonille tea and it helped me to sleep good last nite took a few minutes to fall asleep but I rested good,was tired today though lol!! I guess our bodies are trying to regroup. I have been falling asleep about 9 and waking again about 1hr later,then up for about 20mins then sleep again for an hour,and about 3am I am out till morning!! Thank you so much for the warm welcome and I will check in daily to keep in touch! cause you are such an inspiration to me and I really appreciate having you here!!!! With prayer,support,determination we will be winners !! I hope you have a good night and God Bless you!!!
 
Hello Cathy!! So sorry about taken missing a few days! Keepin busy makes the time fly by!! Wow seems like you have been really busy too! I think that as time goes on keeping busy helps to get a good night's sleep.I can imagine how beautiful your yard is!I bet your are really appreciating it so much! Your own paradise that's wonderful! The face is finally looking normal except for the black eye!! But you are so right that's nothing compared to what we have accomplished!! Yes that was so amazing to me! Feeling normal being able to just be happy without a substance to push it out of me..I always thought that pill was helping me to be able to feel normal ,but that was so far from the truth. Just to take the time and really appreciate something as small as birRAB singing just makes me so happy..I make sure everyday to stop and just listen and feel how wonderful life is now...I couldn't have made it this far without the help of my angel (Cathy)the story of your will put that drive in me!!I will always remeraber that!! But I hope to hear from you soon my friend...Huggs,kisses,prayers and God Bless!!!
 
good morning hun,hoping u r doing well and slowly getting over this little devil we have on our shoulders....lol.... i forgot to ask you if u work or stay home?...and also jenni, i am seriously worried about her..if u dont write back its not a good sign from what i have seen on here..i pray that she is ok....but we have to also focus on us as well...i know how hard it is and i know we can just focus today when we get up and promise to be free of our addiction..that helps me like i said before live in the solution not the problem ...anyhow hun i hope things r good for you as they r for me and will pray u will be well and do well cause i know your strong and you can do it...keep busy if u can and i will chat with you soon.....hugs and kisses my new friend for life...xoxoxoxox
 
good morning lagryl...hope things r great for u today to have the strength to be strong, i know the weekend is here being safe and strong is what we have to do this weekend,..i will be beside u all the way hun, anything u need or if u need to chat just let me know and i will be here for ya...i am just wondering how jenni is doing, she hasnt written any threaRAB for abit and i kinda worry about her, i pray she is still on the same mind frame of tapering and finally stopping, i wish she would let us know...but hey girl your doing great and keep up the good work and we shall be and r free again..wow what a wonderful feeling...just excited today and feeling great...its getting better everyday that passes...and chattting with u is exciting to so i cant wait to hear from ya and have a great day,..chat soon...hugs
 
Hi Jenni,


I was reading your story and wanted to see how you are doing??? I know how hard this can be and I am so glad you decided to take the leap and work on your sobriety. Tapering is not fun but in my opinion it's the best way to go. For me, I always was forced to do super fast tapers because of my abuse and it was miserable. I should have just gone cold turkey a couple of times.

I look so farward to getting to know you so if you could, give us an update and let us know how you are holding up. I slipped up so many times and each time I have learned something new about my addiction so no matter what your situation is whether you are tapering like a rockstar or if you are struggling and using.... whatever is going on in your life just know we are here for you.

Blessings.
 
Hello Jenni, nice to meet you!! I am also knew here I found this board to be a lot of help! I know what you are going through.. I have had an addiction to pain medication.I know the hollow feeling you are feeling .I have been sober now for 28 days and I never thought I could feel normal again.Waking up to pills going throughout the day with pills I just got sick of being nurab!! The good thing here is that there is a lot of posters who have been where you and I are, just be strong and never give up!! Just hang in there!!!! Good luck and I hope to here from you soon!
 
Ladies, please spell out worRAB so that other folks can understand what you are saying. the letters r, u, k, omg, lol, are not worRAB. Please spell out worRAB.

Thank you,
 
Hi Cheyanne, how ya doing? was thinking of you this past weekend...i went to Toronto for the weekend to do some outdoor furniture shopping and fortunately we were able to find everything we were looking for..we wanted to get all new stuff to match our new home and luckily we found some really neat and different table and chair sets and a outdoor living room set, so i am really excited to put it all out and see what it looks like..but its so neat to have my feelings and emotions back now, jeepers for sooo long i didnt have that because my brain was propablly so fogged and wouldnt allow me to feel or even get excited before do its a really great feeling to have those sences back i tell ya...how are you doing in that regarRAB? have you been able to feel again, etc...i know its different for everyone, some take longer so just curious were you are at...i am hoping you are still getting my messages cant wait to hear from you and hoping you are doing and feeling well, you have to let me know how your tooth is..well take care hun and chat soon....your in my prayers and think of you always...cathy xoxoxo
 
Hi there, didnt realize it until now, sorry if this has caused an inconvenience but you get so used to computor lingo which of course is so much easier but i will certainly do my best to spell all my worRAB out.....take care
 
good morning lagrly, how ya doing this morning...sorry for not messaging u yesterday but it was a very busy day with my gardner here and i started painting my new gazebou so my body is not used to all this activity yet, but i am still here for you and staying strong and i know u r to....i hope u had a great weekend, today i have invited my niece and newphew over for afternoon of hiking and pizza for supper, so its nice to be active again and to actually enjoy and have the fun feeling back, wow recovery is amazing so far, hope u had a good one and i will check in tonight before i go to bed k if my body doesnt keel over in tiredness..lol....cant wait to hear from ya so u can let me know how u r doing because i care alot about you and we can do this hun.....chat soon k.....hugs.....xoxo
 
hi jenni, i to am new here and your story is soooo similar to mine regarding the family thing, but i first posted approx 3wks ago regardig my sitiuation and was on a high dose of oxys, percs, anything to get high and done that for at least 7yrs, well i dont know what happened but i decided to stop but not cold turkey (no way man,, did that before) and what i did was taper the oxys really quick the took a perc when i felt sick and yukky and slowly tapered that and now i am totally weaned off it...been clean of any narcortic for at least 2wks...i did a pretty quick taper but i didnt die and it wasnt that bad considering the dose i was on, i just couldnt sleep, no appetite (just getting it back now), and felt sooooo tired for 2wks..but now i am starting to feel a real excitement back today and cant believe i actually did it on my own...so if i can do it, holy cow any one in the world can do it..believe me hun believe in yourself and now you can do it you have to have it in your head that its over and you want your life back like i did...wow what a feeling you get knowing you did it yourself, but i wish you all the best and let me know how you are doing okay....take care
 
Hello again Cathy, how is everything going? I guess your really enjoying that back yard! I bet its beautiful! I went car shopping today and got a good deal on a car! I started to put a pencil to all that I was spending on pills and realize that I could afford another vehicle ! I was like WOW!! I find it getting easier to keep the positive thoughts going in my mind...Addiction can take a person down to nothing,the stories at meeting that I have heard hits me pretty hard to realize that I would have and could have lost everything that we worked hard for.My heart goes out to those who had to hit rock bottom before realizing what reality really was ,and I pray those people stay sober! But I was just checking in on you to see if everything is still going strong!! But I will talk with you soon!! Many Big Huggs,Kisses,Strength,Prayers and God Bless My Friend!!
 
Hello Jenni, and other respondents

I've heard of Trazodone, which is an anti-depressant (and anxiolytic) with sedating properties. The good news, it's not addictive, but can have some side effects, e.g. be careful if you might have a heart condition. If your Doctor will prescribe Trazodone (or onlne purchasing), it will ease your anxiety, allow you to sleep, and hopefully allow you to taper off from Ativan.

Best of luck!
AD
 
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