Need to vent

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kitty13

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Hi all. I've been reading these posts for awhile and when I do, I don't feel so alone. I see many of you have a similar situation to mine. I've been a very functioning addict (opiates & benzos) for about 7 years now. I just passed my 90 days clean & serene!:angel:
I, too, have created a big financial mess in our lives. My husband doesn't really understand addiction, but is willing to accept what happened and move on. We are working together to try to cope with the situation.
I had a really good week last week. My husband & I celebrated our 20th Anniversary. Three months ago I didn't know if we would. He is a wonderful man and is glad to have ME back :)
This week is a different story. I have an ailing father (84). He lives alone and depenRAB on me when he's not doing well (I live right around the corner). This has been a big stressor for me in the past. He and I are very close, and it's hard to see him failing. He just wants to die, and expresses that to me all the time. That's very difficult for me. Well anyway, this week he "fell & couldn't get up". Long story short, we are considering moving him out of his apartment to some sort of care (not sure what or where yet). He really doesn't want to go, but who does. I think with time he may change his mind. I've asked my brother, who also lives close by, to help with dad. This was a big step for me, but I realize now that I can't deal with this situation on my own. When I was using, I thought I could do it all, which just caused me to use more.
I am in early recovery, and starting to learn how to deal with life on life's terms. It's not easy. I attend NA meetings and go to therapy to help me stay focused on my recovery. One Day at a Time :angel:
Thanks for having a great place to vent!

kitty
 
Kitty,

Your story sounRAB so much like mine....years as a functioning addict, 15+ yr marriage, sick father living close by. I don't know why I feel the need to tell you the following, but just your story hit close to home:

1. Put your recovery first...above husband, dad, everyone. Use the NA program. It works and I'm living proof.

2. The marriage will continue to go through changes, some good, some bad. You will become a different person, and that's a good thing. However, it does throw our nonaddict spouses for a loop now and then. Just hang in there until you have some more time clean before you make any big decisions, even when the going gets tough.

3. The fact that you're learning to ask for help is great. For us addicts, that is a very hard thing. It is OK to say "no", and you can't wear that serenity prayer out.

4. Be grateful for all that you have, no matter how hard things get. A gratitude list has been one of my most powerful tools in fighting addiction.

5. Congratulations on your 90 days! There are sooo many people who get the white key chain and never make it to the red one. It is quite an accomplishment, my dear. Be proud of yourself!!


Like I said, I don't know why exactly I wanted to tell you these things, but I just felt like I should say them. We're glad you're here, and KEEP COMING BACK!!

Stay Strong,
RTBD
 
RTBD,

Thank you so much for your encouraging worRAB and support. I'm feeling better about things today. I helped Dad out in the AM yesterday, then spent the afternoon in my pool, listening to country music (my "happy place")! I'm getting the housework done this AM so I can relax in the pool again this afternoon. It' a beautiful weekend here in New England!:)

I hope to hear from you again. I plan to be around, this is a great place to vent. Writing my thoughts and feelings really helps. Then hopefully I won't go off for no reason on the people in my life who just don't understand what I'm going through.

Thanks again RTBD!

Kitty
 
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