Need Support Again Please, withdrawal :(

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Great previous post!

Derlinda, where are you honey? Been thinking about you and hope you are doing well. If you are able to can you please give us an update. We are here with you honey!

XOXOX
 
Derlinda,

HOLY CRAP... I still have goose bumps from reading your quote about reaching.... I will hold that within me FOREVER. Thank you. How profound and meaniful. It just really struck a cord with me. Thank you.

SNOW..... I don't want to even think about that yet.... I know it's coming... it always does. I hope your pain has gone down honey.

Looks like you made it thru another day of not caving... GOOD FOR YOU! I am so proud of you. Look at the strength you have! Really look. If you can get thru that bad night... You can make it thru another. One day at a time my friend.. One day at a time...

Sending you a warm hug!
 
Hey Honey,

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time! I wish I could make it better for you!

You just hang in there honey! I know how hard it is... I have been struggling myself with feeling down and dealing with cravings that are very present but I just keep fighting and that is what I focus on.

I will be thinking of you honey!
XOXOXO
 
Just take each day one at a time. Plan for today and don't worry about next week. Just meet your goals that you set each day and plan for tomorrow. If you taper properly, you should be able to minimize your withdrawals.
 
I was hard on myself the first time that I slipped up and took the Oxy for 3 days after I had gone cold turkey. The people on this board told me not to beat myself up and just start back on my path to be free of it. I did and I made it. We're all human and we have our own personal daemons and conditions that haunt our minRAB and bodies. Slipping up and realizing that you did and getting back on track again is a major step in the right direction. Keep going forward and you'll make it.

Depression is an evil monkey! It doesn't all sorts of nasty things to your mind. Staying busy and getting plenty of sunlight helped me get over my bout. Of course, here in Arizona, I can get a full days worth of sunlight by just walking to the mailbox and back. :-) But, I used to lose my clothes on the porch and stand and slowly turn around like a spit on a BBQ to allow the sun to penetrate every inch of my body for a few minutes each day. For me, I believed it helped.

Stick to your new dose for a while and allow your body the time to adjust to it. Don't drop from one dose to a new dose by too much. You should try dropping about 10-20% a week or every few days. Don't be like dummy me and drop 50% at a time and wonder why I had withdrawals! Nice and slow is the best way to taper and jump off at the end when you and your body is ready.
 
its so great to be welcomed back from the
2 of you thank you so much!!!!! just in time! from what i remeraber--- the last time the emotional part was the hardest and the insomnia. i have been very sad most of the day and really negative thoughts towarRAB myself. i find that the early mornings are the hardest, i thats because i am alone and my mind kicks in right away! i'm going to go to the rec center-and sit in the water and see if that helps calm me down. i went from 5 ultrams to 4 and i will stay on that until i feel a bit better. i think the Valuim tapering is causing most of the depression and neck pain. i went down about 30% off that and will take another jump as soon as i can go without crying at every red light . i think if i forse myself to be with people and get a bit of work done everyday, it will help allot.
until tomorrow!!
derlinda
 
hi read and denon,

i did try the cyrabalta but by the 3rd day and felt mania. i have always had that problem with antidepressants, i was hoping it might be different this time. i think that's the definition of insanity "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

physically i was ok with not taking the valium last night but mentally i hated going to bed without taking a pill. i stayed busy yesterday and spent extra time in the pool so i think that helped a lot with the restless leg stuff. my doc wants me to try elivil (sp?). i know its a anti depressant so i said wont i have mania again with that? he said maybe but most people do fine with it. i hat to say this but he really is not very helpful at all. i will be working with a new doctor in about a month. i have tried to talk to my physiatrist about the issues of withdrawal and he knows nothing!!! he just looks at me with a blank stare. the drug addict in me loves doctors like that because i can get him to give me any drug i want, but the health me knows i need to loss him asap.

im not going to come down any more off the ultram until next week.

i still have not given my bottle of valium to my friend. i just dont feel willing yet. i really should not have this in my house!!!

maybe i will do it today. i need to pray for the strength.

happy tuesday everyone
 
hi derlinda, reading this w/out reading other replies or your other quotes so might ask questions you've already answered. what are you coming off of? do you have valium to help you thru this? cant believe your doc said get ready for hell (even thou w/out help w/ meRAB or something that might be the case.... support should help little bit). that's why since you've got a sponser and can get to meeting and if that's helped you before, try to go unless symptoms are too bad. you mentioned wanting to go cold turkey so maybe that means you don't have to. go slower if you have something to take to help w/ the w/draws, anxiety (valium) etc. It shouldn't take couple of weeks, why do you think it might be that long? If you have something to help you sleep be sure to take it if that might be problem. Even benadryl (diphenhydromine) can help w/ sleep. don't know if i'm allowed to say that but if you've taken antihistamines before w/ no adverse effects it shouldn't hurt and will help tonight if you have nothing else. silly also but suggestion others, and you, might laugh at but walk your dog if symptoms not too bad. remeraber to take it one day at a time and keep busy. watch tv or keep mind busy and TRY to get feelings of shame and disgust OUT OF YOUR HEAD. they are doing you no good and are not true. seriously this is hard and you are not to blame so go easy on yourself. i'll try to check back to see if you've responded to anyone as i'll be thinking of how you're doing. hang in there and take care. remeraber, don't go cold turkey if you don't have to; it's not worth the suffering and really can be dangerous.
 
Gee - I would think that writing the long post from a Blackberry would be excellent therapy for anyone. :-) Staying busy especially with frienRAB or doing other activities will keep your mind busy so you don't think about what's going on with your tapering. True frienRAB won't care about what you are going through and should be willing to help you out, while others may hold it against you. You do have true frienRAB on the Board and we'll always be here to help out or lend an ear to a thurab-weary, Blackberry-typing colleague.
 
Hey Sweetie,

SounRAB like you are fighting the good fight and winning my friend! I am so proud of you. I know this has not been an easy road for you. Please know you are never far from my mind and always are in my heart! I really believe you can do this and I think if you take a long look at yourself you will see it too.

Just remeraber that we are always here for you.... ALWAYS! Keep hanging in there. I am glad you had a low pain day yesterday! What a blessing!

Keep us posted my dear!
XOXOXOX
 
thanks S! :wave: always so great to hear your word and to get your support. i know you can always relate! ,

pretty good weekend. had to take some valium yesterday for the neck/facial pain but woke up feeling a lot better witch makes me think that the drug stopped me from clenching my teeth while i slept and im sure that cut way down on the neck pain. still don't like that i took it, but don't need it today. and today is all im worrying about! still down on the ultram and will go down another 25mgs tomorrow. im doing such a slow taper with that- so its really pretty simple as far as the WD go.

i have not been sharing in meeting and i know its because feel ashamed for taking medication. i know that's ridicules because NA does not say don't take meRAB, it says do abuse med that i have to take for medical reasons, and stay honest and don't try to take drugs on your own. well i tell you guys and 2 frienRAB but that's all, no one in my meetings. my ego gets in the way. i think my ego would kill me if it could get its slimy little hanRAB on me! hope that you all had a good weekend!

derlinda
 
thank you sooo very much,
had a back slide today. my pain got really bad and just feel sick as a dog. i also have Fibro and its flared up in a huge way because of the stress. i not only took a half instead of the quarter of the valium but i took it 4 hours earler then commited to. i hate the pain and i hate feeling like such a failure. i fell asleep on the floor in my office today for a few minutes and when i woke my neck was all jacked up and the pain is running down my arms. i need to give myself a brake! im not popping handfulls of drugs and washing them down with wine. i'm taking them as directed and im trying to get off them. i have such a huge problem with shame. my dog looks at me funny and i think he knows i'm a loser!! ok now i'm just sounding crazy... sorry.
im going to go get myself a icecream, pick up a friend and go down town denver and look at art. its free and maybe it will get my mind off of me! denon i so look forward to hearing from you , thanks for keeping me feeling welcomed. i know when i have posted in the past and not had a responce, i went straight into "oh my god even people over the internet know i'm a dork!". thanks...
 
I really think you need to give the bottles to your friend or you will be constantly tempted to take a pill. Having it out of he house and in control of your friend will help curb the urges. Just having the pills at all where you can eventually get them is a problem in itself and you will have to cross that bridge one day about throwing them out. So long as you have the pills, you will have the temptation to sneak one with the promise, just this one time. Think about it.

You are doing great with the Ultram and cutting 10-20% next week is a good plan.
 
I certainly do wish the path to freedom weren't filled with so many rocks on which we stub our toes.

This is such a challenging passage. Your physical sufferings may well be worsened by that wretched depression. This becomes such a vicious cycle: depression caused by withdrawal, then depression causing increased sensitivity to pain, then the intensified craving for relief, any kind of relief.

You mentioned that you don't react well to antidepressants, but today there is a huge armentarium of medication and a good psychiatrist ought to be able to find something that can help alleviated the psychological pain.

I agree with the post that said your *true* frienRAB will be kind and understanding. It is too hard to go through this process alone. I felt much better after I "outed" myself to my 3 closest frienRAB. However, I do understand your reluctance and fear to acknowledge your dependence.

As has already been said, keep coming back here for support. I found that even the journaling of my journey seemed to help.

I know that this, too, shall pass even though it is an extraordinary challenge to our survival.
 
hello and happy wednesday,

i took a half instead of the quarter of the valume last night. the neck pain was so sever and the advil did nothing. maybe i used it as a axcuse to use the drug, i really don't trust my excuses anymore. all i know is the pain was ridicules and i knew i just wanted to sleep and the drug would put me to sleep. i sleep for 6 hours and for me that is about 3 hours more then i normally get with out drugs. back on plan today. if the pain gets bad today i am going to just leave work, rent a movie and use a hot pack. as i took the pill i knew that i would feel better in the moment but within 24 hours i would be a sobbing mess again because the downer drug do just that --- bring me down! i wish someone could put me on a leash and every time i reached for a extra pill they could give the lease a quick tug and get me back on path. going to pray and reach out allot today. i also find out if my insurance will cover me to get some PT.

hope you all are starting out ok today
 
thanks secrets, and denon. everything hurts today!!!!!! headache, neck, feet and hanRAB. its 5 in the morning and i feel like i have been up for 3 days. consistantly since i started getting chronic pain i always think of a way out of it. what drugs can i take? what new diet program can i start? fit this fix this! well that atatude had got me in big trouble with drugs and worsened my anxiety as you can image. before the accident i was getting so much better at accepting the pain as it comes and goes and doing the actions that can help my healing. the pain was not getting better but my attitude and sprite were changing and becoming lighter. so i feel like i have back slid allot. all i can think of right now is that i have a full bottle of valume that i can get my hanRAB on. that i know where my friend hides his opiates. and that i have a doctor who will prescribe ritalin if i get appointment with him. forgive me for the confessions but i cant keep these thoughts in my head, or i will act on them. i want to comite to you that when i pick up my prescription of valume i will take it straight to my friend who holRAB it for me. she hates drugs, and only gives me enough for 3 days, and she always asks me a million questions because she worries about me relapsing. i don't feel willing right now to hand over the pills not willing at all. i will pray today for the willingness to do the right and self loving thing.

thank you for helping me work out this craziness. by the way i think i'm going to take the cyrabalta at night just incase it makes me sleepy
 
Hi Der -- how long were you on the Cyrabalta? My understanding was those types of drugs take a little bit of time to work. I myself wasn't able to take it because of side-effects (I don't remeraber what exact ones), but I do know I had a horrible time getting off it. And that was only after three weeks. Anyway, hang in there and wow, I'm impressed that you had enough energy for a blind date!
 
I have been up since 2am. Anxiety through the roof, nightmares, crazy thoughts, flu symptoms. Is this more withdrawal. I know benzo with drawl can go in waves. I feel crazy!!! Maybe its the ultram. Maybe its the anxiety about going home, loneliness?I want to get my hanRAB on "somthing"
 
I hope the PT works for you and helps with your pain. You're doing great, even with the little extras. Make a goal and try to keep it so that you are moving forward.
 
i messed up i messed up i messed up..... denon i read you post last night and it made my stomic flip because i knew you were right but i just thought i could do it this time (that's the 100 time i have said that and it always back fires). i was invited to a NA party (of all fricken things!!!!) and i was in to much pain to go. so i convinced myself that i must go and if i have to pop extra ultram and valium to go then that's ok (this time). not only did i take valium i took a hole 10mg! that's about feels like 4 shots of whisky. then to make sure i did not fall asleep i popped a extra ultram. i was miserable the whole time at the party, all i could think about was what a phoney i was. the durabest part was that the ultra makes me sick when i take extra, so i spent the night feeling just awlful. i did not even get to "enjoy the valium" because in my heart i knew it was a self harming choice , and if i would have just called my frienRAB and said i was to unwell to go they would have been loving and kind. but instead i wanted to show up like super woman! now i feel like super stupid!

so heres the deal. today i can go see my friend and give her the ENTIRE bottle of pills. i wll do it and i will post to you guys as soon as its done. i have a mile long list of all the reasons i should be able to take drugs when ever i want. you know what, its all lies. i just dont want to deal with life on life's terms. i want to go through life is a haze.

sorry folks, i want to be a success story. my dog did not give me my morning kiss, maybe hes disappointed too.
 
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