Lizzie Rachel
New member
Need some tasteless jokes.
Only really inappropriate ones though...
Only really inappropriate ones though...
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Need some tasteless jokes?
- Thread starter Lizzie Rachel
- Start date
jaffabeast
New member
what's blue and doesn't fit anymore?
a dead epileptic
a dead epileptic
strawberries23
New member
4 guys go into a bar. the 4th guy goes to the bathroom and while he's gone the other 3 guys talk. the first guy says "my son is a pilot and sent a jet to his best friend for his birthday." the second guy said "Well that's mighty fine. My son owns his own company and even sent a million dollars to his best friend for his birthday." the third guy replied "well my son is a millionaire! and sent a mansion to his friend for his birthday." The fourth guy cam back from the bathroom and noticed them congratulating each other. So he asks 'what are you guys talking about?" The second guy replies "we were just talking about are sons. What does your son do?" The fourth guy answered "Oh my son is a gay male stripper." The second guy than said "oh that's a shame." "the fourth guy replied "no Im not ashamed of him. I mean he got a jet a million dollars, and a mansion from his three boyfriends for his birthday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man checked into a hotel in Australia. There was a computer in his
room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally
typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent
the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:
To : My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Arrived
Date: May 27 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived
and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.
P.s It is damn hot down here !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.
A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"
He replies, "It died today."
"Oh that's terrible!", the nurse replied
The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.
The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."
The man replies, "It did. Today is the viewing"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men died and were standing at the gates waiting to be let into heaven. St. Peter asks each man what he had done wrong in life so he can decide whether to let them into heaven or not.
1st guy says - "I robbed a grocery store, lied to my wife, and drank too much."
So St. Peter says, "go drink a gallon of holy water and you can go on in to heaven."
2nd guy says - "I robbed two grocery stores, cheated on my wife, and did drugs."
So St. Peter says, "go drink 5 gallons of holy water and you can go on in to heaven."
3rd guy says - "I peed in the holy water."
ba, dum, dum!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you say to Miley when she trips?
-Hoe-down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde girl is looking for some extra cash. She goes to a neighborhood, and asks people if they need anything else. One man needed his porch painted, so he points her to the garage wear she can find everything she needs. She paints the porch for him, goes back up to the man, and he pays her the money. After she had the money, she said, "By the way, sir, that's not a Porche, that's a Ferrari."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men are walking through the woods and they come across this set of tracks. The first says "these are deer tracks." The second says, "no way, these are bear tracks." The third doesn't even get to say anything because he gets hit by a train.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man checked into a hotel in Australia. There was a computer in his
room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally
typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent
the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:
To : My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Arrived
Date: May 27 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived
and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.
P.s It is damn hot down here !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.
A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"
He replies, "It died today."
"Oh that's terrible!", the nurse replied
The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.
The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."
The man replies, "It did. Today is the viewing"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men died and were standing at the gates waiting to be let into heaven. St. Peter asks each man what he had done wrong in life so he can decide whether to let them into heaven or not.
1st guy says - "I robbed a grocery store, lied to my wife, and drank too much."
So St. Peter says, "go drink a gallon of holy water and you can go on in to heaven."
2nd guy says - "I robbed two grocery stores, cheated on my wife, and did drugs."
So St. Peter says, "go drink 5 gallons of holy water and you can go on in to heaven."
3rd guy says - "I peed in the holy water."
ba, dum, dum!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you say to Miley when she trips?
-Hoe-down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde girl is looking for some extra cash. She goes to a neighborhood, and asks people if they need anything else. One man needed his porch painted, so he points her to the garage wear she can find everything she needs. She paints the porch for him, goes back up to the man, and he pays her the money. After she had the money, she said, "By the way, sir, that's not a Porche, that's a Ferrari."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men are walking through the woods and they come across this set of tracks. The first says "these are deer tracks." The second says, "no way, these are bear tracks." The third doesn't even get to say anything because he gets hit by a train.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesse
Politicians said that Obama would become president when pigs fly....
and a couple months later Swine Flu.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four men were arguing over what the fastest thing in the world was. The first man said that the fastest thing in the world was a blink, because as soon as you blink, it's over. Disagreeing, the second man said that the fastest thing in the world was thought, because as soon as you think it, it becomes a thought. Trying to prove the others wrong, the third man said that the fastest thing in the world was light, because as soon as you flick a switch it's there. Finally, the last guy said "No, you're all wrong! The fastest thing in the world is Diarrhea because before i had a chance to think, blink, or turn on the light, i had already crapped my pants!"
and a couple months later Swine Flu.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four men were arguing over what the fastest thing in the world was. The first man said that the fastest thing in the world was a blink, because as soon as you blink, it's over. Disagreeing, the second man said that the fastest thing in the world was thought, because as soon as you think it, it becomes a thought. Trying to prove the others wrong, the third man said that the fastest thing in the world was light, because as soon as you flick a switch it's there. Finally, the last guy said "No, you're all wrong! The fastest thing in the world is Diarrhea because before i had a chance to think, blink, or turn on the light, i had already crapped my pants!"
How do you reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets!!!!
Good news for adventurous tourists who want something different, you can now book an Air France tour to see the Titanic!!!
David Blaine's record for a "celebrity" doing feck all in a box for 90 days has just been broken by Jade Goody.
Things are so bad with the credit crunch that women are now f*cking their men because they cant afford batteries!!!
A woman in labour shouts all the usual stuff "get this out of me", "give me more drugs" etc, she turns to her boyfriend & says " You did this to me you F*cking B@$t@rd", he replies, "if you remember I wanted anal But you said "feck off" it'll be too painful, not laughing now are you!!!!
A man comes back from the social welfare & says angrily to his wife "they made me show them my gray haired chest before they'd give me the oap", should have showed them your dick & you would have got disability allowance as well, replied the wife.
A blonde calls her boyfriend & asks him to come over, "I've got this killer jigsaw puzzle & cant figure out how to get started" the lad asks what its supposed to be when its finished? "ACCORDING TO THE PICTURE ON THE BOX, ITS A ROOSTER". He decides to go over to her house to help her out, when he gets there he studies the pieces spread all over the table, looks at the box & turns to his girlfriend & says " first of all, no matter what we do we wont be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster. He tells her to sit down, relax & he'll make a cup of tea then, he says with a sigh "we'll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK bud, the cops are onto us, their looking for a sexy motherf*cker & a retard, they've already got me, so grab your helmet & crayons & run like hell!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do deaf girls masturbate with one hand? So they can moan with the other one!!!!
Woman sees a sign in a pet shop window, FANNY LICKING FROG, 25 Euro. In she goes, "I'd lick to see the fanny licking grog please". The man behind the counter replies "bonjour"!!!!!!!!!!!
Good news for adventurous tourists who want something different, you can now book an Air France tour to see the Titanic!!!
David Blaine's record for a "celebrity" doing feck all in a box for 90 days has just been broken by Jade Goody.
Things are so bad with the credit crunch that women are now f*cking their men because they cant afford batteries!!!
A woman in labour shouts all the usual stuff "get this out of me", "give me more drugs" etc, she turns to her boyfriend & says " You did this to me you F*cking B@$t@rd", he replies, "if you remember I wanted anal But you said "feck off" it'll be too painful, not laughing now are you!!!!
A man comes back from the social welfare & says angrily to his wife "they made me show them my gray haired chest before they'd give me the oap", should have showed them your dick & you would have got disability allowance as well, replied the wife.
A blonde calls her boyfriend & asks him to come over, "I've got this killer jigsaw puzzle & cant figure out how to get started" the lad asks what its supposed to be when its finished? "ACCORDING TO THE PICTURE ON THE BOX, ITS A ROOSTER". He decides to go over to her house to help her out, when he gets there he studies the pieces spread all over the table, looks at the box & turns to his girlfriend & says " first of all, no matter what we do we wont be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster. He tells her to sit down, relax & he'll make a cup of tea then, he says with a sigh "we'll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK bud, the cops are onto us, their looking for a sexy motherf*cker & a retard, they've already got me, so grab your helmet & crayons & run like hell!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do deaf girls masturbate with one hand? So they can moan with the other one!!!!
Woman sees a sign in a pet shop window, FANNY LICKING FROG, 25 Euro. In she goes, "I'd lick to see the fanny licking grog please". The man behind the counter replies "bonjour"!!!!!!!!!!!