Need Help!

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Secrets1983

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Hey Guys,

So.... Today, I swear I could rip every hair out of my head. I am so very scared and am feeling very vulnerable. My co-worker just came back from a break with a fresh rx of vicodin. Now.... I have been able to handle these situations very sternly with myself in the past but I just feel like I am not as strong today. All the stress from as of late is making me feel like I just NEED to get my hanRAB on at least 2 of those nasty things. Now, I know I need to fight this.... I will fight....

I JUST NEED A PEP TALK BADLY. I have so much anxiety right now I could cry. Why does everything have to be so darn hard? Okay... pitty party over.

HELP!
 
If this can give you any strength... This morning my wife woke me up and said I was moaning in pain while I was sleeping. She asked me if she could get me a pain pill and I responded, "No!" and I rolled into a position where the pain was less and I went back to sleep.
 
My god.... I have not felt like this forever... I can't concentrate.... I seriously, have contemplated waiting for her to leave and then go snoop.. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? This is NOT who I am anymore..... I am so ashamed but I am going to be honest with you guys because I know it will keep me clean......

Right now... I feel desperate..... It has not been like this in many months... I feel so beaten. I have worked so hard to even let myself have these horrible thoughts....

Breathe... breathe... breathe...........
 
Secrets... If you have to, take a sick day for the rest of the day. Go home, get out of the situation and take a hot bath. Go to a movie, cook dinner, do something to clear your mind. Get away from the temptor and free yourself from its grasp. If you take a deep breathe, you know deep down inside what you need to do. You helped me see what I had to do months ago. Now, do and do it!
 
No, Thank YOU Secrets! Thank you for being honest and letting us know how you feel and not hiding it or covering it up and then feeling even more guilty. Getting it out helps you uncover those little opiate demons and exposes them to the light where they shrivel up and wither away. I go back an re-read that piece I wrote "Hello, my name is Oxy" ever once in a while just to remind me what it is all about. Even though I have a whole brand new bottle of Percocets, I still haven't heard from those demons yet. I feel like I'm still in control. You know as well as I do, I might turn around tomorrow and be yelling for help as well. I'm so glad that you made it through yesterday and that you feel so good today. You should be proud of yourself!!
 
D,

YOU ARE THE MAN! It makes me just crazy thinking you have all that self control. Pills right there... within reach and you are strong enough to not abuse. You are an inspiration. A true inspiration because I am telling you with all honesty... I just don't know if I could be that strong today.... I don't know what my dang deal is today..... Normally, I have good self control.

I am proud of you! So proud of you.

:dizzy: :eek: :dizzy: :eek: :dizzy: :eek: :dizzy: :eek: :dizzy:
 
Well, I am just thankful to have you guys to be honest with. I mean I can't imagine saying any of that out loud with out most of the people's heaRAB spinning in my life. hahahaa

Honesty is very important I feel with addictions and i am so happy I can be honest with you guys about these feelings. If I held them inside I swear I would corabust.

Your post "Hello, my name is Oxy" will forever be remerabered.. In fact, I should go back and read it now... It was so inspirational and I think it helped more people than you could have ever imagine.

I hope you have a lovely evening D. You are so important to me and I am so proud of you for keeping those opiate demons at bay. Keep them demons arrested!!!! We can do it together my friend!

Hugs and appreciation!
~S
 
oh girl i am with you!!! i know how that is. i was just at a frienRAB house and her hubby just had surgery. i got out of there asap because i knew i would go to the bathroom and start my drug search. im so glad you reached out, what a winner you are! so helpful to hear that other people reach out. i have had a hard time with fituge lately and wanted to get my hanRAB on some ritalin, but im just going to ride it-our and take good care of myself.
your doing great (even thought your feeling a lot on your shoulder right now)
oxoxo,
der
 
Der,

It was soooooo good to hear from you. Thank you so much for your worRAB my friend.

CONGRATS to you for not doing the whole "drug search" I am so proud of you! That takes some strength girl and you did it.

I am so glad we all have each other. What a true blessing.

I just wanted to send you a quick reply before i leave work and send a HUGE hug your way.

Much love to you honey! Much love!
 
Tell your co-worker that you are allergic to vicodin and to make sure she keeps it away from you - not to keep it at work. That will remove the temptation.
 
Congrats on making it through that test of strength! Wow, wouldn't our frienRAB and co-workers be surprised at our little "secret"? I'm surprised the co-worker told you about the Vicodin. In my experience, if I've told people I had pain pills, they'd find a way to ask me for some. Which I never wanted to share, of course, because I never had any "extra". So I stopped mentioning it.....I pretended the doctor was being extremely stingy and I wasn't getting that many anymore....etc.

Does the co-worker get this stuff regularly? Maybe you could make a joke like "Don't tell me about it, I don't want to know anything if questioned by the boss, ha ha...".

Keep hangin' in there! These are the experiences that makes us stronger.
 
Well the good news is... YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY!!!

Start all over again tomorrow and work towarRAB making it through tomorrow!
 
Heya Secrets

You are right about Denon.. he is the man. And girl, you are the woman.

Secrets, don't you see that when temptation was starting to overwhelm you, you didn't give in but sought help as we should in a time like that? Sobriety overrode adiction.

There are times when we are going to be tired, overwhelmed by life maybe, and a situation will arise where we are forced intpo a choice of good or bad. So, we accept that we are tempted and then use the tools we have gained to fight the temptation. Looks to me that that is exactly what you have done. No need for guilt or regrets... you made a choice for the good.

Keeep moving forward, Secrets. Every success like yesterday's accumulates and makes the choices easier and easier.

Stay strong, Sweetpea
reach
 
D,

THank you so much for your reply... Okay, good news.... She just left. PRAISE THE LORD..... I am telling you. Anxiety is still really bad and the craving is stick kicking my butt but at least the temptation is GONE. I know I will stay clean.

I so appreciate your worRAB.... I really do. You are such a dear friend. Thank you for having my back buddy! I may be a mess but I will make it.
Sending you a hug of appreciation!
 
Hello my dearest of frienRAB,

I MADE IT AND I FEEL GREAT! Yesterday is behind me and today..... I feel strong as a bull. I may have had weakness and it erabarrassed me but I was able to turn to you all and you will never know the appreciation I feel for you all.
Denon, Thank you for what you did for me yesterday. When I called out for help you were right there and helped me in my darkest moment in a long time with addiction. My heart fills will admiration for you.
Reach, thank you so much for your worRAB of perspective. Thank you for telling me to not feel guilty because it was eating me alive. Thank you for letting me feel that I am human and I will face these times of harRABhip and deal with them accordingly. You mean so much to me.

Today, I feel rested, strong and happy. I hope you all are doing great!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I love you guys. I really do.
XOXOXOXO
 
Thanks NP,

It was good to hear from you. Thanks so much for your kind worRAB! Yes, the co worker does get a rx once a month and there is only her and myself and then my boss that works here in my office. She will not be getting these meRAB after the next month or two though because she is going to be having surgery. What surprises me is that she does announce the fact that she has them after her and my boss found out about my addiction. Granted, they found an email in my inbox one day when I was sick from a friend who is also a recovering addict and I was able to really play down my addiction but still. It's almost as though she is testing me..... or rubbing it in... I don't know... Either way, I am strong and I don't even care or know if she has them with today.

Thank you for your support and I hope you are doing well! I have been thinking about you a lot lately!

For anyone else reading this.... I hope you all have lovely weekenRAB! I will be thinking about you all and will be on here off and on as I will have computer access again this weekend.
XOXOXOX
 
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