Yo I got some really hard questions to ask and I'm curious about the answers. If you can understand my questions please help. I used to beleive in one loving god (didn't really put myself under any denomination). I used to pray and stuff (prayers souned like some christian stuff). Lately though I find myself exploring something like buddhism. I'm wondering what enlightenment is... is it just some drugged out stupor? I beleive it is simply recognising that "reality" is just "subjective" and "experienced by something (the self)". Anyways the help I need is do u guys think its worth exploring the self? I mean I think this could be achieved through meditation or even other bizzare forms (drug induced mind explanding exploration). The thing I'm on lately is that somehow reality for me is (not to use the words illusion cause its sounds straight out of some buddhist text) but everything is just fabricated in my head... almost like its not "true" it just "is"... makes me wonder if its not even "real" and then def not justified! That really disturbs me cause I think its the truth.. I feel like I can take this exploration to the deepest levels possible, its just... im terrified of doing so... it could be disturbing and scary.. idk if i want that... also could my mind possibly create a whole "construct" that is imagined? Like maybe this search for truth is just made up even when I think I found it... like maybe that makes it BS? See what I'm saying? Idk.. some times I just wanna forget this stuff in my head...go back to just chillin... it just bothers me though... some know... maybe I'm on some BS... but it bothers me.. is my whole life a dream?
need help from spirit guides, shamans, enlightened buddhists, etc...?
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