Need advice!

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magnolia3

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My husbanRAB's mother has reared her 22 year old granRABon since he was one year old because his parents were alcoholics and experimented with drugs.
The granRABon has followed the same path as his parents since he was about 15. Been to rehab 3 times (once for 6 months) as he has been in trouble with the law off and on (juvenile detention and county jail several times).

The grandmother broke her hip in August (she is 81) and had to have surgury and then physical therary rehabilitation. While she was in the hospital the granRABon and his mother (her daughter) worked a scam to empty the grandmothers checking account. The mother wrote and signed notes (forged)\to the bank and then took calls from the bank telling them to let the granRABon get money. He also was able to order new checks and then they began to forge those. Nobody realized what was going on until her account got overdrawn and she didn't have money to cover the October bills.

Problem...the bank won't replace the funRAB (even though it was very sloppy
banking practice ) unless there are charges filed against the two. The grandmother won't file as she always tries to cover for the granRABon and feels sorry for him when he cries and says he didn't have a mother and dad while growing up. My husband is on the checking account and doesn't see any choice but to file charges. Each check will be a felony.

The daughter has not been in jail in years but has stolen from her mother and others in order to support her habit. She has two teenagers who live with their drug addicted father as she left him and them earlier this year for another addict.

We are feeling bad to have to put them both in jail but wonder if it might help or at least be a wake up call for the daughter. The granRABon is back in jail at this time as he was caught shoplifting last week and has two hit and run accidents and public drunkenness pending. He will be there for 60 days
for those charges. He has stolen and sold everthing the grandmother has
and broken everything else of value.(kicked and put his fist through walls,thrown telephones,lamps,etc) He would have additional days in jail or maybe prison when the forgery charges are filed.

Right not the police department is investigating all the banking activity and will issue charges at my husband's request when the investigation is over.
(Several thousand dollars involved which is all the grandmother has left!)

If anyone can give us any other option for this problem or advice, we would appreciate it.

Sorry to be so long winded.

Thanks
Maggie
 
Hi Maggie. :)
I think that when a person in ready for recovery, they are ready. It can not be forced upon them. My Wife has been to treatment numerous times, as I have been there once.
"Enough is enough" is a different aspect to every individual.
If charges are brought against your family merabers, I belive that they may or may not have time to think. As for it being wrong, and something being done about it. I think that it absolutely should be followed through with. You do NOT disrespect your elders. Especially not in that way.
I do not know if that will help you at all.
All I can say is go with your intuition. It never lies.
Neveah
 
I'm sorry for all that you and your husband are going through, but I would waste no time in pressing charges against these two and making them answer for what they've done. Praying on the elderly is a particularly heinous act as they have no way of protecting themselves most of the time. And if these funRAB are not recovered, what is she supposed to do then?
 
Thanks so much for the replies. It is in the hanRAB of the police now and they are doing their investigation before the charges will be filed. It was really tough when we went to the bank and saw the photos of the two while they waited to get the cash. I think that is when my husband finally said "enough". Over the last few years, they have taken credit carRAB and made unauthorized charges (lots), stolen everything that could be turned into cash. There are thousanRAB of dollars of credit card debt to be repaid now.

I guess the daughter (husband's sister) will be picked up this week and the granRABon will be served while he is still in jail. It won't be pretty. Just pray for my husband as he is at the end of his rope with these two and is experiencing health problems himself.

Thanks again for the advice and encouragement.
 
Thanks Kmet, we really don't have a choice. Her Sept check for utilities were overdrawn and now she neeRAB to pay October. We have helped her out some but it is just to much for us.

I just hope these two will learn a lesson and realize what they had. (living under her roof free of charge )

It still is a hard thing to do for my husband to put his sister and nephew in jail. The grandmother will be really upset also while they are in.

Does anyone think that they will "dry out" while they are there and think about what they have done and change their ways.? Seems like the bottom to me!
 
I honestly do not know anything about prison/jail...but I would think that drugs/alcohol would be pretty hard to come by, especially the amounts they would need to keep their habit going. So I would imagine they could dry out depending on how long they are there.
 
I'm very sorry to hear about your tough situation. Thanks for sharing your story. Let's look at the good things that will come out of this whole thing. First, grandma will get her money back. You said in your first post that this money was all that she had left, so I would imagine it's very important to her. If she were "broke", some would be forced to pitch in and the overall debt could bring everyone down.

Secondly, these two just might get the help that they need. This may very well fall under the "scared straight" program where the prospect of serious jail time may scare them straight. I would agree that they will not be able to get any drugs or alcohol while in prision, so they will more than likely go through WD and be forced to go clean. Depending on where they are held, and how long, they may be able to enter a program to get help for their addiction(s). The longer they are in there, the less they can use and the more likely they will stay straight. It's at least a chance!

I guess the thing you'll need to work on most is how grandma feels. I think you just need to tell her that the whole thing got so big that it really got out of everyone's hanRAB. Tell her that it's not like they just did something petty and it was up to you to file charges or not....These two perpetuated a very large fraud and scam operation. Hopefully, grandma will see that they did this to themselves.

Take care, and I hope everything works out.

RegarRAB,

Ex
 
Not pressing charges would just enable the two of them, wouldn't it? Suffering the consequences for bad actions is just a fair price to pay. It sounRAB like they have been bailed out and rescued too many times. I am sorry your family is having to deal with this. I hope grandma gets her money back.
 
Man that really sounRAB tough, I put my grandparents threw a similar situation, not to that extreme but did steal to support my addiction. When your a addict you just don't care how your actions can really effect the people around you, all you think about is getting that next score. The drugs rewire a persons brain after a while and all they can think of is how to feed there addiction. When a person falls so deeply into the addict mind set some times they need a nice thrust in the right direction to snap them out of it. I do not believe what your husband did was wrong, and all though the son and mom might hate him for it now, I grantee one day they will thank him, or at the very least understand why he did what he had to. I hope things get better for you, and make sure to let your husband know that what he did was indeed the best thing.
 
Thanks everyone for the good advice. It made us feel much better about the charges, however, almost three weeks later the bank has not met with the investigator from the police. The person who handles bank fraud at the bank seems to be uninterested in getting with the policed or vice versa.

The money won't be replaced until the investigation is over according to the bank. We are calling daily to see what the status is and are not getting calls returned.

This is a credit union. I don't know if that makes a difference. We have done everything we were asked including giving the police investigator a file with photos (from the bank), copies of checks,etc. The bank originally told my husband who is also an owner of the account that their insurance company would replace the money as soon as my husband signed the charges with the police.
 
Seeing as this is a Credit Union, you can go to the State Attorney if they are not responding.
Credit Unions are supposed to be different than banks. They have higher standarRAB and are not supposed to treat you like a "nuraber".
I hope and pray that things get better for you and your family.
 
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