My Thoughts.....

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Secrets1983

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Well, I am sure just by reading the title some of you regulars on this board are already thinking.... "OH GREAT" hahahhaaha

Sometimes as you all know I just like to get certain things off my chest and it's truly therapy for me to write my thoughts down and share them with all of you special people.

I'm a 26 year old married woman with no children.... We are hoping that last part will change but all in God's time. I sometimes wake up and wish that it was all a big nightmare with this addiction. When was it that exact moment that I turned pain pill use into recreation? I think I recall.... It feels like a million years ago. I try to remeraber why I turned it into recreation? I can't..... I am not sure what was different that one fateful day and I will probably never know but when I get deep into thought about it all, I come to the conclusion that this was a life lesson I had to learn the hard way.... the reason I am not sure... maybe it doesn't matter that I know if I use the experience to try to help others...

I remeraber how scary it was when I first started out. There were so many bad memories associated with all of it..... It makes me so fearful at times that it could change at any moment if I let it..... So my guard is up, my head is focused and I remeraber the scary times.... Hopefully with all of that.... I will succeed.

Well, I guess that about covers it for now..... Thanks for listening! It has helped! :dizzy:
 
Installment 2!

This all started a good couple years ago now.... I started getting really ill.... I was in a TON of pain... My stomach felt like something so painful I could not explain... Test after test found NOTHING... After 9 months my Dr. sent me to a shrink as she said this pain was in my head.... By then I had become highly addicted to pain meRAB... The pain was real, however, after a while.. I started to like how the med made me feel mentally as well.... This is how a lot of our stories start. Real injury, illness.... Then, something changes one day and it turns into something more. Finally after a year of pain.... I DEMANDED a special test because I thought it was my gallbladder all along sure enough I had the hyda scan.... THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. No MRI, NO CAT SCAN found it..... a week later I was in surgery.... I prepared myself to become clean again as I no longer needed the meRAB..... That is when my recovery journey started. Boy.... what a ride that was and still is.

I guess, there is your first installment summed up nice and neat. Feel free to ask anything you want. I find with recovery honesty is the most important part and if me sharing can help just one other person out there... Then I will share because I would not wish this struggle on my worst enemy!

More tomorrow. Thank you for your interest! It means a lot to me :wave:
XOXOXOXOX to you all out there fighting this fight! It's worth it.
 
If everything was easy and stress free, life would be boring. The bad shows us how good the good is. :-)

Keep busy when you get the cravings. You know that! Find something that will keep your mind occupied until the temptations go away. Remeraber the w/d's that you went through and remind yourself you never want to go through that again. That works for me.

Life travels in cycles. The bad will eventually run its course and will be replaced with good.
 
Thanks NP, I will keep praying for strength and remerabering thru what you are going thru is helping me! Thank you for your strength and for sharing it with us!

You are a blessing!
 
Secrets,

I will always lend you an ear!!! Hope things are going well with your family. Love ya, TaCot
 
Hi Secrets....Is that it? You are going to stop the post where you stopped it?? I, for one, am not familiar with your story and just the way you have presented it finRAB me wanting to know so much more about your experience. Will you be writing another installment??? Please!!! All the best - BrittleBones
 
Secrets, well my bad on thinking you had an "elderly" parent -- ha, your parent is probably younger than me! Anyway, I'm sorry life is throwing so many stressors at you now. I know you will stay strong, and you have us here to vent.
 
Hey there Secrets. We all came here for different reasons, but we all are here for the same reason. We need advice, support or our questions answered. Some of us have been there - done that and we choose to share our experiences and try our best give support and advise people. Is there some cosmic or heavenly goal that we are fulfilling? I don't know. We all chose to be here for our own personal reasons.

I came to this board when I was in major distress and I didn't have any answers or even know what I was going through. I didn't even know that Percocets were addictive. Doctors turned their backs on me and I was completely lost. But, I found this board and people answered my questions, explained why I was feeling the way I was and showed me how to get through my dependency. I'm not sure that if I did not come to this board whether or not my dependency would have turned into an addiction. It would have been so easy! I had an injury that supported me getting pain pills for just about as long as I wanted them. But, I chose not to and spent a lot of time reading and writing on this board seeking knowledge and answers.

It was people like you that helped me get through it all with kind, non-judgmental worRAB and with the advice I needed. We're here to listen to each other and give support when people need it. Reading about other people going through what we are going through gives us the courage to keep going in the right direction.
 
Hey Denon!

Very well put! When I found this board I was in major distress also. I knew I had a problem but I wasn't quite ready to face the music yet. Reading other people's story's is what gave me the courage to take the leap! I feel I owe a lot to this board because I was more than just dependant! I was and will always be an addict. When I found this board I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me because I was holding this deep dark secret inside of me and had felt I could share with no one in real life. I think there are a lot of people out there that start out like that so I instantly felt I was no longer alone. I couldn't believe there were so many others out there going thru what I was. I just thought I was some freak of nature and it was so shameful for me but then I learned a lot and eventually I started making the right choices for myself.

For me, I am a religious person and I happen to think everything happens for a reason so I look at this board like I didn't just "happen" to sturable on to it... It happened for a reason that I could get help and then in return try to help others by sharing and answering questions.... I think it's just a great resource!

You have always been a great asset to this board and your continued support to others shows a lot about your character! I can remeraber back to your first post!

Today is another new day and as I have found it to be trying already, I know I have the strength to get thru it!

Wishing you all a GREAT day! I am sure I will be around most of the day!

Hugs!
 
Denon,

Great worRAB of wisdom from a wise man! I know.... negativity is not the answer.... I am trying my best to remain positive even tough things are going so bad right now. A wise friend of mine always says to try and find the positive in any situation and it's true. That is the best thing to do.

Life just happens to be testing me now but as always I will deal with it and move forward to better times :cool: I know better times will be ahead of me and my family.

Thank you for putting things into perspective for me Denon. I really needed to hear that. You are a wonderful friend and I always appreciate your worRAB!

I hope you are doing well!!!!!!
 
I think tonight would be a good oppotunity for me to write.....

Tonight I am thinking most about temptation. Sometimes I feel so week and other times I feel so STRONG! I am tempted to go down that dark path but know I cant and I won't but I cant seem to get the thought out of my head so let's move on to something else.

Why does life constantly have to be so stressfull and testing. It exhausting but I do feel like I have enough in me yet to keep going. Life just keeps throwing curve balls at me and I feel like a very large target at the moment.

Pity party OVER.

I am blessed for each and every one of you on here. You are the light in my darkness... Sorry for a more negative post....

Just going thru some hard stuff right now and I am having a hard time trying to deal with it all while staying on the straight and narrow path.

Thanks for letting me get it out. Sending you all blessings of peace and rest tonight!
XOXOXOOXOX
 
HAHAHHA Brittle Bones!!!!

I only stopped there because if I didn't people would think it was too long and would never read it all.

My story is long and bumpy... Good times, BAD times but overall... I am proud. Feel free to click on my name and go back to day one..... I can't believe how far I come! That is why I love meeting others going thru similar struggles becuase I KNOW what they are going thru and I can walk them hand in hand and help! That is what life is really all about..

So what do you want to know? I am an open book! If I had to go back and try to sum it all up it would take me days.... but you can read back or ask me anything.... It could be a topic starter and then I could type about it.

As alot of the regulars on here know... My brain in constantly going..... I could post every darn day about this addiction.. I chose not to so that I don't annoy the crap out of everyone on this board :D

So, what shall my next installment be about? You pick.. I will write ;)
Blessings,
 
OK, Secrets, well, before I take my hot flashes off to bed, I will leave you with a couple inspirational quotes. I'm usually not big on these, but I thought they were a little more profound than something like, "When life throws lemons at you, make lemonade" -- which someone actually said to me a few weeks ago (not about my own situation, of course....no one but you guys know THAT real scoop). OK, here's an ancient one first:

"The burden is equal to the horse's strength." (The Talmud)

I love that one....makes me feel like I can't let myself be beaten down every time some unfortunate/stressful event happens in my life. OK, and something from the modern-day era:

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength." (Oprah Winfrey)

Well, she might've been saying that about her diet...who knows....but it's sort of like "that which doesn't kill me, can only make me stronger". I tend to be a complainer and always thinking my life s*cks and everyone else's is so much better than mine, so these quotes help me put things in perspective. I know other people can deal with stress without taking pills, and we can too!
 
Hey NP,

I still have goose bumps from reading your post! I LOVED IT! I am not usually into quotes either but the ones you shared are very powerful! Thank you so much for sharing them.

I can't believe someone actually said they whole lemon bit to you! Too funny!

I hope this post finRAB you healing a little more with each passing moment! You will have to give us an update soon with how you are doing. I think of you very often and pray that you are being restored both mind and body :)

You take care of yourself and I really appreciate you taking time to help me when you are going thru so much yourself. It means a lot to me and says a lot about you!

XOXOXOX
 
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