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I deal with her? My soon to be mother in law hates me! I have no idea how to handle the situation. He's white, I'm half black half Portuguese and East Indian. I would like to say that I don't think my race is a factor in the situation, but sadly I"m starting to believe that it is.
I have been dating my fiancé whom I met in Med. school for nearly 3 ½ years. When we first starting dating I would try to make friendly conversation with his mom, but she would always shut me down. She didn't talk to me much, despite my attempts to get to know her. I’d ask her to lunch, but she always had other plans. A few years back she had a family gathering at her home and actually told people that I was his “Lab partner from school” rather than his girlfriend when we had been together nearly a year. It was awkward. Back then I just told myself that I was dating him not his mom, but 3 years later and it's still the same routine.
A few weeks ago his brother’s wife told me that during a conversation with her, his aunt and a family friend she pretty much called me a gold-digger. I don’t know what bothers me more, the fact that she’s slandering my name throughout their family or that she thinks I’m a gold-digger. I don’t come from money and I never claimed that I did. I was raised in a single parent household, but was lucky that my mother stressed education. My fiancé and I do live together, but we split rent and expenses. I went from UCLA to a top 10 Medical School. I make pretty much the same amount of money as her son, yet she acts as if I’m some bimbo he met at club and then decided to marry 2 months later. I feel like I constantly have to prove myself to her, but it doesn’t matter because her opinion of me never changes.
I thought that she didn’t like me because I didn’t come from their social circle. I didn’t go to the fancy prep schools, didn’t grow up in a fancy house on a hill, but now I think she just doesn’t like me because I’m not white. She absolutely adores her other two daughter in laws who are both white. She makes lunch and spa plans with them which she purposely excludes me from. Last month she invited them both out to lunch. I of course wasn’t invited, but I was out with them so they convinced me to “just come along”. When we got there the first thing she did was ask me what I was doing there. Not rudely, but in a tone of that would make you feel pretty darn uncomfortable. She said about two sentences to me during lunch, then pretty much ignored me. If I asked her something she’d respond with a “Yes” or “No”. She also left lunch early that day, claiming that she had “important business to tend to”.
My fiancé knows that his mom doesn’t like me. He has asked her why she disapproves of me and she answered saying, “She’s just not good enough for you”. She can’t muster up one legitimate reason why! I’m simply not good enough. One of her daughter in laws is a 23 year old community college drop out, who has never held a real job. Her life basically consists of her driving around in her $100K Mercedes SUV that her husband purchased for her and shopping. His mother has absolutely no problem with that, she adores the girl, but I’m the “gold-digger who isn’t good enough for her son!” Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore both of the wives and I’m close with them, but I just don’t understand why she’s acts so vile towards me, yet accepts the other girl.
Whenever I'm around she does everything in her power to make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. It’s gotten to the point where I honestly dread going to any type of family event. Yesterday we went to his parent’s house for his youngest sister’s birthday party. The first thing she did was look at my engagement ring and say, “Wow, that’s nice size diamond. Where is it from, How many carats is it? You picked it out, didn’t you?” At first I thought she was actually giving me a complement, but then I realized that she was just reassuring herself that I was a gold-digger and making sure that I didn’t go with her son to pick out the most expensive ring! Less than an hour later someone said something about my fiancé and she goes, “Yes, he’s a handsome man”, then looks at me and says, “and he could have any women he wanted”. I wanted to slap her. 10 minutes later during a conversation with his aunt who was asking me questions about my job his mother says, “Oh, don’t worry he’s going to make her sign a prenup”. This time I wanted to shove her into the pool. I don’t think THAT was why his aunt was asking me questions about my job, she seemed generally interested. I have nothing against a prenuptial agreement, but it was inappropriate for her to bring it up like that, it’s none of her business. That fact that she told his aunt that he was going to “MAKE” me sign it got to me. She made it seem as if he had actually discussed this with her, which he hadn’t.
I don’t know how to deal with this woman anymore. If I didn’t see her so often, I don’t think it would bother me, but she lives les
less than 20 minutes away. My fiancé has a big family, so there’s always an event or party to go to. My mother moved back to India a few years ago so we’re with his family for pretty much every holiday. His mother is unavoidable. Sometimes I make excuses to get out of going, but then I feel bad about it. I’m missing out trying to avoid her and she’s getting exactly what she wants in the process! He says we don’t have to go to the family events, but I don’t want to keep him away from his family and bedsides his mother, I absolutely love the rest of his family.
I could honestly write a book about this woman, but I’m going to stop now. How do I deal with her? She has friends of different ethnicities, so I don’t think she’s necessarily racist, maybe just prejudice towards me? No one in her family has married outside their race and I don’t think she wants her son to be the first. What should I do? I can’t live with this woman for the rest of my life.
I have been dating my fiancé whom I met in Med. school for nearly 3 ½ years. When we first starting dating I would try to make friendly conversation with his mom, but she would always shut me down. She didn't talk to me much, despite my attempts to get to know her. I’d ask her to lunch, but she always had other plans. A few years back she had a family gathering at her home and actually told people that I was his “Lab partner from school” rather than his girlfriend when we had been together nearly a year. It was awkward. Back then I just told myself that I was dating him not his mom, but 3 years later and it's still the same routine.
A few weeks ago his brother’s wife told me that during a conversation with her, his aunt and a family friend she pretty much called me a gold-digger. I don’t know what bothers me more, the fact that she’s slandering my name throughout their family or that she thinks I’m a gold-digger. I don’t come from money and I never claimed that I did. I was raised in a single parent household, but was lucky that my mother stressed education. My fiancé and I do live together, but we split rent and expenses. I went from UCLA to a top 10 Medical School. I make pretty much the same amount of money as her son, yet she acts as if I’m some bimbo he met at club and then decided to marry 2 months later. I feel like I constantly have to prove myself to her, but it doesn’t matter because her opinion of me never changes.
I thought that she didn’t like me because I didn’t come from their social circle. I didn’t go to the fancy prep schools, didn’t grow up in a fancy house on a hill, but now I think she just doesn’t like me because I’m not white. She absolutely adores her other two daughter in laws who are both white. She makes lunch and spa plans with them which she purposely excludes me from. Last month she invited them both out to lunch. I of course wasn’t invited, but I was out with them so they convinced me to “just come along”. When we got there the first thing she did was ask me what I was doing there. Not rudely, but in a tone of that would make you feel pretty darn uncomfortable. She said about two sentences to me during lunch, then pretty much ignored me. If I asked her something she’d respond with a “Yes” or “No”. She also left lunch early that day, claiming that she had “important business to tend to”.
My fiancé knows that his mom doesn’t like me. He has asked her why she disapproves of me and she answered saying, “She’s just not good enough for you”. She can’t muster up one legitimate reason why! I’m simply not good enough. One of her daughter in laws is a 23 year old community college drop out, who has never held a real job. Her life basically consists of her driving around in her $100K Mercedes SUV that her husband purchased for her and shopping. His mother has absolutely no problem with that, she adores the girl, but I’m the “gold-digger who isn’t good enough for her son!” Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore both of the wives and I’m close with them, but I just don’t understand why she’s acts so vile towards me, yet accepts the other girl.
Whenever I'm around she does everything in her power to make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. It’s gotten to the point where I honestly dread going to any type of family event. Yesterday we went to his parent’s house for his youngest sister’s birthday party. The first thing she did was look at my engagement ring and say, “Wow, that’s nice size diamond. Where is it from, How many carats is it? You picked it out, didn’t you?” At first I thought she was actually giving me a complement, but then I realized that she was just reassuring herself that I was a gold-digger and making sure that I didn’t go with her son to pick out the most expensive ring! Less than an hour later someone said something about my fiancé and she goes, “Yes, he’s a handsome man”, then looks at me and says, “and he could have any women he wanted”. I wanted to slap her. 10 minutes later during a conversation with his aunt who was asking me questions about my job his mother says, “Oh, don’t worry he’s going to make her sign a prenup”. This time I wanted to shove her into the pool. I don’t think THAT was why his aunt was asking me questions about my job, she seemed generally interested. I have nothing against a prenuptial agreement, but it was inappropriate for her to bring it up like that, it’s none of her business. That fact that she told his aunt that he was going to “MAKE” me sign it got to me. She made it seem as if he had actually discussed this with her, which he hadn’t.
I don’t know how to deal with this woman anymore. If I didn’t see her so often, I don’t think it would bother me, but she lives les
less than 20 minutes away. My fiancé has a big family, so there’s always an event or party to go to. My mother moved back to India a few years ago so we’re with his family for pretty much every holiday. His mother is unavoidable. Sometimes I make excuses to get out of going, but then I feel bad about it. I’m missing out trying to avoid her and she’s getting exactly what she wants in the process! He says we don’t have to go to the family events, but I don’t want to keep him away from his family and bedsides his mother, I absolutely love the rest of his family.
I could honestly write a book about this woman, but I’m going to stop now. How do I deal with her? She has friends of different ethnicities, so I don’t think she’s necessarily racist, maybe just prejudice towards me? No one in her family has married outside their race and I don’t think she wants her son to be the first. What should I do? I can’t live with this woman for the rest of my life.