My mother in law smokes around my son, what should I do?

[Sarah B]

I never have had a great relationship with my husband's mother. But here lately I have been at my wits end with the woman. Whenever my son goes somewhere with her, she smokes while he is in the car. She doesn't smoke in her house, but she does while she is playing outside with him. My little boy is just 16 months old and should not be subject to second hand smoke. I have talked to her about it, and she says she smoked around my husband when he was little and it didn't hurt him (never mind the fact he had to have his tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears right before his 2nd birthday, and almost died from pneumonia when he was 2 1/2) Should I cut her off from seeing my son altogether or just get really firm and tell her she can't see my son if she is going to smoke, and how do I know she won't smoke around him when I am not there? She really is a good grandmother in other ways and she loves my little boy with all her heart. I don't know what to do.

 

[foreoki12]

Your husband has to take point on this one. She's already made it clear that she doesn't respect your wishes, and pushing it further on your own will only cause a big rift with her. If your husband is the one to say, "absolutely no smoking around our son, or you aren't allowed to drive around with him or play with him outside," then she's more likely to take it seriously. You should know if she's doing it when you aren't around when you smell it on your son's clothes.

Then you both have to stick to your guns. If she loves your son as much as she says, then she should be willing to wait until he's not around to smoke. Unless she loves tobacco more than she loves him. That would be the real tragedy.