My mother and I are arguing. Should she just leave my house?

FLY GIRL

New member
My mother and I don't get along. I'm a grown woman (almost 27) My mother came to visit me yesterday on her own accord. I didn't invite her because we don't get along and our relationship has gotten worse over the years. When she said she was coming, I asked her did she want to visit and she said yes. But we can't be in the same room together.

Yesterday, I was bracing myself for the problems to start but any disagreements we had were slight.

Today, the full blown argument has just occurred. We were on our way out and I'm asking her some questions about the DMV (I have to go next week). So she starts raising her voice at me. She said I was asking dumb questions. She curses at me in public and acts annoyed at me. She talked down to me in front of some people outside. It is embarrassing. Her voice is really loud and she does this all the time. So I said forget it I'm not going anywhere with you.

When we get back inside we had a really nasty argument. I said some mean things back because I felt provoked at this point. She accuses me of making her feel uncomfortable in my house.(not true). I go out of my way to accomodate her. I let her watch whatever she wants on TV (pure freaking garbage but the TV seems to be all she cares about) and gets the things she wants to eat (she's a very finnicky eater too). If anything, she makes it hard for me when I visit her which is why I stopped going that often and making my visits very short when I do.

What should I do at this point? Would you tell her to leave? At one point, she was saying she was about to but she's still here. But I'm just sick of this sh1t. I don't know what to do anymore.
 
You are a full blown adult in your own right AND in your own house. She does not have the right to speak to you like that, especially in public. I think you should ask her to leave and tell her not to come back until she gets some respect for you. She may be your Mother but that is not reason enough to treat you that way. Please tell her in a quiet, deliberate way so she certainly gets the point, who knows, she even respect you for it. Good luck.
 
You guys need a relationship reset or something.
Going to each others houses is probably not the thing to be doing. Do you live far apart? Can you just get together for lunch or something, occasionally?

Try to nicely ask her to leave ... don't say anything mean at all. Just say "this visit isn't going well, we probably each need some time apart".
Then contact her via email to try to figure out how you can get the relatioship to work for both of you. Not easy, but maybe some time apart can get you both out of whatever bad habits are making things not work.

Try very small amounts of time together ... lunch for example. As you get good at that, try for more. Figure out what types of things you shouldn't discuss, and what are ok. Couldn initially be a very shallow relationship, but you need to start somewhere.
 
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