...I fear people knowing I am? I like girls, I don't know if I'm bi or lesbian. I don't like labels. Since my mom found out a few years ago, she kind of tortured me about it. She told everyone before I was even ready to come out. I'm not even comfortable with myself yet but she has told all my family, aunts, cousins, so I'm really embarrassed. And on top of that I went through a lesbian porn phase a few years ago (like age 13-14 early teens when I was finding myself, I'm 18 now) and she told everyone I watch porn so I feel like a right pervert or something.
Because of her I'm very paranoid about my sexuality. And I can't except it even though I know for a fact I am. She used to always tell me it was wrong. I remember one time she was driving me to school a few years ago, and she said "so are you gay or straight?" and I said "I think I'm gay if you want the truth" and she said "OK b*tch come out then, let everyone know, say it, scream out the window your a f*cking d*ke" and tried to kick me out the car!
. My mom thinks I'm straight now even though I'm not. I swore to her that I'm straight and it was just a "phase". But because of what she done in the past I feel like being a lesbian is "abnormal" or something? I don't feel comfortable with my sexuality AT ALL... I was before she found out, I thought being gay was nothing, just a gender preference. She's kind of made me FEAR my sexuality.
The thing is, she isn't against homosexuality, shes religious but not the type to hate gays because of religion, she just doesn't want me to like girls for some reason, I think cause her mom abused her and she was close to her dad, she wants me to find a man like my grandpa but I don't trust men cause my dad used to hit me when I was younger. She has tons of male friends, she just doesn't want a gay daughter, she said she would be fine if my brother is gay. Which is unfair and sexist to me.
Cry about it? NO THANKS, why would I cry over my mom and her stupid views. I couldn't care less.
I just want to know how to feel more comfortable with my sexuality.
I love my mom but sometimes I hate the way she is. She's just cruel if you ask me. She has no sympathy for women, she hates them, I've never met someone SOOO sexist against their own gender.
The first month or 2 she found out that I liked girl was when she became a evil monster LOL
I'm actually quite shocked that I forgave her after all of this, she hasn't even said sorry before after years of abuse about this matter. Now that I'm "straight" were really close :\ She denies all of this. My dad also denys abusing me, which my mom MADE him do because she said he could leave if he didn't.
Infact I think that she is kind of forcing my brother to like boys, shes always telling him that women are no good and to not waste his time with them, stuff like that. She doesn't even let him call girls pretty and his 13.
By the way, when she first found out about my sexuality she ignored me for months, she didn't even look at me, she walked past me in the house, ignored my questions, ignored me when I said hi.
Because of her I'm very paranoid about my sexuality. And I can't except it even though I know for a fact I am. She used to always tell me it was wrong. I remember one time she was driving me to school a few years ago, and she said "so are you gay or straight?" and I said "I think I'm gay if you want the truth" and she said "OK b*tch come out then, let everyone know, say it, scream out the window your a f*cking d*ke" and tried to kick me out the car!
. My mom thinks I'm straight now even though I'm not. I swore to her that I'm straight and it was just a "phase". But because of what she done in the past I feel like being a lesbian is "abnormal" or something? I don't feel comfortable with my sexuality AT ALL... I was before she found out, I thought being gay was nothing, just a gender preference. She's kind of made me FEAR my sexuality.The thing is, she isn't against homosexuality, shes religious but not the type to hate gays because of religion, she just doesn't want me to like girls for some reason, I think cause her mom abused her and she was close to her dad, she wants me to find a man like my grandpa but I don't trust men cause my dad used to hit me when I was younger. She has tons of male friends, she just doesn't want a gay daughter, she said she would be fine if my brother is gay. Which is unfair and sexist to me.
Cry about it? NO THANKS, why would I cry over my mom and her stupid views. I couldn't care less.
I just want to know how to feel more comfortable with my sexuality.
I love my mom but sometimes I hate the way she is. She's just cruel if you ask me. She has no sympathy for women, she hates them, I've never met someone SOOO sexist against their own gender.
The first month or 2 she found out that I liked girl was when she became a evil monster LOL
I'm actually quite shocked that I forgave her after all of this, she hasn't even said sorry before after years of abuse about this matter. Now that I'm "straight" were really close :\ She denies all of this. My dad also denys abusing me, which my mom MADE him do because she said he could leave if he didn't.
Infact I think that she is kind of forcing my brother to like boys, shes always telling him that women are no good and to not waste his time with them, stuff like that. She doesn't even let him call girls pretty and his 13.
By the way, when she first found out about my sexuality she ignored me for months, she didn't even look at me, she walked past me in the house, ignored my questions, ignored me when I said hi.