My love poem, what do you think??? Also can you rate it from 1 to 10. thanks?

C

Clueless

New member
It's okay, but not really my kind of taste. Reading it, I could only hear it as some sort of rap. It's a good effort, but you really need to try working on your structure, grammar, and incorporating more poetic devices. For effort, I'll give this poem a 6.
 
Now you’re living back in the past in a land of forgotten dreams
Trying to survive knowing nothing will last and you will wake every night with your screams
There’s not a single turn left to be made or a place for you to run off to,
The one's you thought loved you, look the other way in what you’re going through
All alone in a corner where it’s the darkest part of the night
Not a single heart beat around to show you how to take flight
Now forever trapped in your eyes, slowly drowning in your tears
Impossible to figure out the lies, that found a way to take over your fears
Can’t even wish for a punishment for the abuser
Because you know it was yourself that was the final chooser
In this game of life that is known as love
Given to all breathing creatures from above
 
Great poem, it doesn't sound like a love poem though more like a hurt poem, like a deceived heart poem. Anyway I loved it you get an 8 out of 10.
 
Great poem, it doesn't sound like a love poem though more like a hurt poem, like a deceived heart poem. Anyway I loved it you get an 8 out of 10.
 
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