my life is a nightmare,and im deep depressed how do i get better?

[Shadow]

well im 19 years old,i've been bullied through elementary school till kinda senior year.i graduated last year.my bday was on march 7.not many ppl remembered my bday.and my parents hit me with the belt and other objects hit my brothers too,but they let it go and saw it as them teaching us lesson's.i saw it as damaging my life.now it's happening to my cuzin.he reminds me so much like me.it's weird it's like im re-living my dark childhood again!!!!!.i take care of my nephew and my cuzin.it's my job to babysit!!!.but i do cuz im home.i love them.but i can't keep being worried about my cuzin and if my nephew grows up!!!!!!.damn i feel sorry for him.my mom also hit us outta of anger sometimes.she still is very very i mean VERY!!!!!!.crzy.my dad is the same he lose's it BIG time.im worried bout my cuzin but i can't protect him forever.he's got too clingy to me.he's wild and he pisses me off.but i still love him.i wanna join the army to start my future,go to film skool in san francisco.but it's so hard when im soooooo Deep Depressed.i've been depressed my whole life.my cuzin get's on my nerves now he want's me to drink alot and smoke weed.my older middle brother doesn't support me on anything i decide on my future.my oldest brother is clueless.my parent's are idk where they are in my life.i dont have very many friends,some are busy going to college,working starting their futures.i have no control over my life!!!!.everyone tells me wat to do.i listen to them!!!. They say i don't listen when i always do,i have a nervous,shy,scared problem.i dont have a very good memory.i cant open up to ppl.im confused,lost,Relationships never workout.girls dont find me attractive.idk i need to talk to someone cuz im DOWN to my very last nerve.i havent been mad lately,i've kept quiet,but i cant anymore.plz someone help me???? figure this mess out.